hislittlekitten
New member
edit: Yes, I'm in a poly relationship with a man who has another partner. This question is indeed about threesomes and not about polyamory itself, but I ask here because I think the fact that he is a V blurs the fact that this threesome situation is different from poly and different rules need to be discussed.
Also, apologies for the word "unicorn" because apparently people don't like that. Sorry, borrowing from fet.
And apparently this isn't a good place to ask this question because you all are assuming that I'm confusing poly and swinging. I'm not. Please actually read what I'm saying.
.....original post:
I feel like this might be a good place to ask this question because 1) most searches for thoughts in this all assume a traditional couple, married or committed monogamously, and 2) I feel like lines can become blurred or thoughts or ideas regarding a threesome can become blurred people assumptions change in a polyamorous relationship.
So here's my question. What are your grounds for finding a unicorn? I mean, assuming you find one. Assuming you find a unicorn and you want to meet her, you want to play with her, you want to see where it goes. What kinds of ground rules do you have?
I ask because I am wary right now. I want this as badly as my partner does, but he's probably much more willing to dive in on this. Literally and figuratively.
Tonight he is meeting the girl we've been chatting with for a few weeks. She wants to meet with just him. He has just informed me that they won't be playing, which I had assumed (and I think he had assumed as well). I'm uncomfortable with them playing without me and I told him so. I'm glad they aren't going to play without me.
My concerns are, honestly, that she doesn't want a threesome and that she just wants to test my beau out as a Dom. That's my worst concern. I'm concerned she isn't interested in me. But I'm also concerned that this is not going to be set up... properly, if you will, because I'm being excluded from the very start. Is this unreasonable?
I realized that I think we need more structure to this. We do need more rules or agreements about what will happen with this threesome. It's been about four months since we started dating and it's already a lot to process, so I feel like we rushed this idea.
On top of that, he's also searching for a threesome with his other partner. Whatever, I don't really care, but the girl they've been talking to is associated with the girl we are talking to, and that's also something that makes me wonder if we need to talk about more structure (there's apparently been drama behind that - as in the girl they're talking to has expressed being uninterested in my beau's other partner, as well as me, and acts as if she's just looking to get with my beau). No, I won't get sexually involved with his other partner - honestly I don't find her attractive and the things I've gone through to find myself accepting of his poly relationship has included not feeling welcome or equally accepted by her, so that is absolutely out of the question.
Any thoughts or input would be great. If you've somehow found a unicorn and you had to set some rules, I'd love to know. Please spill.
Also, apologies for the word "unicorn" because apparently people don't like that. Sorry, borrowing from fet.
And apparently this isn't a good place to ask this question because you all are assuming that I'm confusing poly and swinging. I'm not. Please actually read what I'm saying.
.....original post:
I feel like this might be a good place to ask this question because 1) most searches for thoughts in this all assume a traditional couple, married or committed monogamously, and 2) I feel like lines can become blurred or thoughts or ideas regarding a threesome can become blurred people assumptions change in a polyamorous relationship.
So here's my question. What are your grounds for finding a unicorn? I mean, assuming you find one. Assuming you find a unicorn and you want to meet her, you want to play with her, you want to see where it goes. What kinds of ground rules do you have?
I ask because I am wary right now. I want this as badly as my partner does, but he's probably much more willing to dive in on this. Literally and figuratively.
Tonight he is meeting the girl we've been chatting with for a few weeks. She wants to meet with just him. He has just informed me that they won't be playing, which I had assumed (and I think he had assumed as well). I'm uncomfortable with them playing without me and I told him so. I'm glad they aren't going to play without me.
My concerns are, honestly, that she doesn't want a threesome and that she just wants to test my beau out as a Dom. That's my worst concern. I'm concerned she isn't interested in me. But I'm also concerned that this is not going to be set up... properly, if you will, because I'm being excluded from the very start. Is this unreasonable?
I realized that I think we need more structure to this. We do need more rules or agreements about what will happen with this threesome. It's been about four months since we started dating and it's already a lot to process, so I feel like we rushed this idea.
On top of that, he's also searching for a threesome with his other partner. Whatever, I don't really care, but the girl they've been talking to is associated with the girl we are talking to, and that's also something that makes me wonder if we need to talk about more structure (there's apparently been drama behind that - as in the girl they're talking to has expressed being uninterested in my beau's other partner, as well as me, and acts as if she's just looking to get with my beau). No, I won't get sexually involved with his other partner - honestly I don't find her attractive and the things I've gone through to find myself accepting of his poly relationship has included not feeling welcome or equally accepted by her, so that is absolutely out of the question.
Any thoughts or input would be great. If you've somehow found a unicorn and you had to set some rules, I'd love to know. Please spill.
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