BonzaiBlitz
New member
This has been on my mind today, and I thought it could make a good discussion here.
DISCLAIMER: All of the experiences I've been partied to on this subject have been WIVES of deployed HUSBANDS, so that obviously influences my thoughts on this topic. Feel free to provide insight into the struggles of other types of couples in this area.
As I've stated before, I live in the Bible Belt, aka Repression Central for the United States of America.
The military is basically worshiped here (sometimes literally, depending on how much energy a particular church dedicates to celebrating men and women in uniform), and for many low-SES high school students it is their only way to afford a higher education or have any kind of steady employment.
As a result, there are hundreds if not thousands of military couples around, and for many it is a nightmare of anxiety and emotional neglect.
Military spouses often need more emotional/physical/financial support due to their circumstances, but in many cases are expected to be able to brush off those needs for the sake of their deployed spouse, WHILE providing emotional support for their deployed spouse whenever they interact.
To say nothing of any children involved.
Given how high the divorce rate in NON-military couples is, it seems ludicrous to expect so much, especially given the number of military spouses who have had affairs.
Which leads to the thread topic.
Based on my own small experiences, and acknowledging the challenges unique to polyamory, it seems to be a natural (if partial) solution to many of the struggles suffered by military spouses.
Imagine being able to have no shortage of emotional support while your spouse is deployed, and not worrying about shortage of physical intimacy which could lead to a marriage-destroying affair.
Imagine your children NOT having to deal with an emotional hole in their lives because Daddy or Mommy is in combat.
Unfortunately, because this is Repression Central, the benefits of at least an open marriage would likely also bring a greater risk of shunning by friends and family for military couples than their civilian counterparts.
In the arena of "enforced gender roles and monogamy" military wives seem one step below Pastor's Wives.
The dutiful wife handling the household alone until the keystone Patriarch comes marching home occupies far too much of the collective consciousness to be so easily cast aside for something...sane and rational.
The phenomenon of the Dear John Letter seems to stem from the centuries-old hetero male fear of cuckoldry while in combat.
For the people who worship this mindset, no amount of potential benefits (like, say, SAVING THE MARRIAGE) seems enough to counter decades of indoctrination.
That a wife and child(ren) could be taken care of emotionally and financially by a meta while the husband is overseas, instead of struggling upstream and living off a meager government assistance check until he gets back (or doesn't...), doesn't even register.
What do you think?
Can polyamory even work for a military couple?
Do you have experiences in this area which totally trash all of the above because reality ensues?
DISCLAIMER: All of the experiences I've been partied to on this subject have been WIVES of deployed HUSBANDS, so that obviously influences my thoughts on this topic. Feel free to provide insight into the struggles of other types of couples in this area.
As I've stated before, I live in the Bible Belt, aka Repression Central for the United States of America.
The military is basically worshiped here (sometimes literally, depending on how much energy a particular church dedicates to celebrating men and women in uniform), and for many low-SES high school students it is their only way to afford a higher education or have any kind of steady employment.
As a result, there are hundreds if not thousands of military couples around, and for many it is a nightmare of anxiety and emotional neglect.
Military spouses often need more emotional/physical/financial support due to their circumstances, but in many cases are expected to be able to brush off those needs for the sake of their deployed spouse, WHILE providing emotional support for their deployed spouse whenever they interact.
To say nothing of any children involved.
Given how high the divorce rate in NON-military couples is, it seems ludicrous to expect so much, especially given the number of military spouses who have had affairs.
Which leads to the thread topic.
Based on my own small experiences, and acknowledging the challenges unique to polyamory, it seems to be a natural (if partial) solution to many of the struggles suffered by military spouses.
Imagine being able to have no shortage of emotional support while your spouse is deployed, and not worrying about shortage of physical intimacy which could lead to a marriage-destroying affair.
Imagine your children NOT having to deal with an emotional hole in their lives because Daddy or Mommy is in combat.
Unfortunately, because this is Repression Central, the benefits of at least an open marriage would likely also bring a greater risk of shunning by friends and family for military couples than their civilian counterparts.
In the arena of "enforced gender roles and monogamy" military wives seem one step below Pastor's Wives.
The dutiful wife handling the household alone until the keystone Patriarch comes marching home occupies far too much of the collective consciousness to be so easily cast aside for something...sane and rational.
The phenomenon of the Dear John Letter seems to stem from the centuries-old hetero male fear of cuckoldry while in combat.
For the people who worship this mindset, no amount of potential benefits (like, say, SAVING THE MARRIAGE) seems enough to counter decades of indoctrination.
That a wife and child(ren) could be taken care of emotionally and financially by a meta while the husband is overseas, instead of struggling upstream and living off a meager government assistance check until he gets back (or doesn't...), doesn't even register.
What do you think?
Can polyamory even work for a military couple?
Do you have experiences in this area which totally trash all of the above because reality ensues?