Tales from the Time Share Wife

House hunting stinks. He wants his mom to live with him to save money which is great but thwn that means the 2 bedroom place he can afford won't have a bedroom for the kids. He doesn't want to get a 3 bedroom because when she eventually gets a boyfriend and moves out he won't be able to afford it. I feel like im trading one situation (kiss not having a room ) for another (kids still not having a room ) hopefully the colorful house for $495 works out (it has a big fenced back yard) otherwise a 3 bedroom townhouse for $395 might work although tbt I hate apartments

. I really wish a house was in the budget but sam hasn't gotten a better job despite his bragging of past income and his ability to make more than double his income now. I tried to encourage him to start doing all these things be said hw can but then he got defensive. I fear he's become complacent with his easy bachelor life and living paycheck to paycheck he's not really focussed on saving for his future. I feel like this thing we're doing isn't going to grow beyond what we have now. I don't feel like im a partner to him. I feel like a visitor.
 
I decided to wash my hands of the whole situation. it doesn't make sense for me to be involved in the house hunting process when I'm only going to be spending the night there a couple nights a week and his mom to be living there full time. I figure someday when its just him and me and he has the means to afford a place on his own then that's the time that you and I can go together and look for a place. this alleviate a lot of stress for me because they are going to have to pretty much why to get in somewhere since do rental company he's been going through most likely will not be giving him a good reference since they've somehow decided that his apartment is in a state of disrepair and that he's being told to leave I don't really feel comfortable being sketchy. he thought the house we looked at was really cute I'm not sure if he's going to be able to get into that place considering they require a good rental reference
 
nate decided to get off the antidepressants, there is a $3400 medical study coming up (two 9 day stays in April) that he wants to do (will pay off most of his student loan debt) and he cant take the meds anymore to do that (well he could since they cant test for that in his system but because he's pathologically honest he wouldn't be able to lie about something like that) I think that he would be okay being off the meds since he's already deceased his dose down anyway.

I know I said that I wash my hands with this house station but I found this perfect house to rent so I went ahead and applied for it myself since Sam now has iffy rental history. The house is 1300 sq ft. it has two large living areas, all hardwood and vinyl. it is an older home so has a lot of charm. has a basement, fenced in backyard, and across the street from a park. pretty much everything I would weant except being north side and not having an gas range. not bad for $550
 
I was trying to figure out how I went from being comfortable being around metamores and enjoying group activities to being completely exclusive and uncomfortable. Just in late 2013 nate was kind of seeing a couple different people in the game group. It wasn't until I started a relationship with Sam that Nate didn't even want to hear about him. It was almost like it flipped a switch. Suddenly I wasn't comfortable being around people he was seeing.

Another part of it was usually the people he use to hook up with were people I already knew, ffriends of mine. But then as he started venturing off on his own and meeting people it was more like it was almost expected that i was supposed to be comfortable around strangers. I remember when he was briefly seeing one girl last spring she made me feel really uncomfortable and wasn't friendly to me and made sure to tell nateI wasn't friendly to her at this big picnic. I didn't have any reason to personally engage with her and just participated in group conversations and mingling. She wasn't very personable so of course I didn't engage her. It really wasn't a date for them, he asked if she was going and we were going too with our group of gaming friends.

After I realized that she was kind of rude and I didn't like her I was upset to learn that she would be roommates with our game friend and I felt like I didn't want to go to game night anymore because if I did I'd have to see her and she made it pretty clear she didn't like me.

That situation really burned me, that also plays a part in the whole inclusion thing. Id like to go back to the way things use to be, whereb if he met someone I could be friendly with them.
 
Once again Nate is refusing to tell me that he loves me. I made the mistake of being excited about Sam's new place and I was telling him about it and he told me not to. I should have just walked away but I didn't. I told him it was his refusal to even hear about Sam that has set the tone of exclusion in our relationship. He then went on to throw stuff in my face that happened months ago such as me not wanting him to pay for dates.

He said the reason he paid for a date after I specifically told him not to and even offered an allowance for dates if he decided it was important for him to pay for dates was because "you spend money all the time on yourself and I never spend money on myself" I had told him that yes I do spend money on myself but we go to conventions all the time too. he got upset and was saying that his artwork sales makes up for the cost of the convention, while that may sometimes be true that doesn't factor in cost of hotel, gas, food, and supplies. I am more than happy to spend money on stuff like that, for me it's like a mini vacation and I generally have fun and I want him to be happy and I support his goals and art. I have no reason why he felt the need to throw that in my face.

He then also called me a cheater, I though that comment was in regard to the first time Sam and I had sex but it was really about the time I saw Sam during my self imposed break. He assumed I had sex but I did not. He said the fact that I lied about seeing Sam means that he can't trust me. Im not going to justify what I did, I know that it was wrong to sneak behind Nates back to see Sam when I said I wouldn't and even more wrong when Nate confronted me about it and I lied. I would never cheat on him, I would never put my relationship in jeopardy.

it just freaking annoys me that we get in a little fight and he holds it against me. If I just never get upset and I never have anything negative to say about his behavior it's fine. I'm so pissed at myself to be put in this fucking position again. There are so many things I could say that I don't. So many cards I could play but don't because I love and respect him too much to fight dirty. It's frustrating to me that even if I'm on my best behavior I get punished.
 
Im also kind of upset that my ex father in law (I was with his step son for 11 years ) had a heart attack Monday and no one told me. I didn't find out until wed morning that he had been in the hospital and needed surgery. I know my ex and I divorced 6 years ago but I was the one who was close to ex's family the entire time and they consider my kids with Nate as their grandchildren. Whether or not they felt me seeing Dad was appropriate and technically im no longer family my oldest lives with me and he should have been told. My ex took our 10 year old with.

I feel sad that the only family I've had the past 17 years is distancing themselves from me. my ex mother in law asked me how i found out and i told her it was on facebook. I didnt tell her that i was upset. I dont want to turn this tragedy about me. My ex mil is very self centered so nothing i say would matter anyway. I did let Dad know that I love him and I would have seen if i knew.

Part of me wants to write off the family and if it weren't for Dad I would my ex sister in law once told him that my kids werent realty his grandkids because im not a blood relation but he made sure to tell her by that logic then her kids weren't either as she's not a blood relation either.

Im sure a lot of this has to do with the fact that my ex sil's husband unfriended me on Facebook because I was talking about my ex on fb (wasn't even saying anything bad other than he was leaving our 16 year out of stuff and how ex confronted me about sam) they are so freaking immature.

Thank goodness Dad is okay after a couple surgeries and was discharged this morning
 
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Petty Childishness

Once again Nate is refusing to tell me that he loves me. I made the mistake of being excited about Sam's new place and I was telling him about it and he told me not to. I should have just walked away but I didn't. I told him it was his refusal to even hear about Sam that has set the tone of exclusion in our relationship. He then went on to throw stuff in my face that happened months ago such as me not wanting him to pay for date.

He is acting exceptionally childish. Have you asked him to grow up and stop making drama just for the sake of aurguing. If he wants the night off he could just say that instead of picking a fight or refusing to say the L word... this is unacceptable imo and I would state that and demand change. He is an adult he should be able to express himself and articulate what is going on inside his brain. Nobody I know can read minds so he needs to put forth the effort to talk through any issues if you two are going to have a healthy polyship...
 
He is acting exceptionally childish. Have you asked him to grow up and stop making drama just for the sake of aurguing. If he wants the night off he could just say that instead of picking a fight or refusing to feelinL word... this is unacceptable imo and I would state that and demand change. He is an adult he should be able to express himself and articulate what is going on inside his brain. Nobody I know can read minds so he needs to put forth the effort to talk through any issues if you two are going to have a healthy polyship...

Well I had it in my head that if he refused to say I love you that I wouldn't say it anymore until he started saying it again but Sunday when I came home cuddled me and was all "i wub you". That made me feel good. I get being mad and not feeling particularly amorous but even when im furious (and I told him this ) I still love him. I get that in the heat of the moment he's not going to want to say it but days later? When I told him how much it hurts that he holds a grudge he was all "im sorry, I can't help it". I guess he cant help taking a long time to get over stuff just like I can't help being done with a fight and moving on right afterward. And to be quite honest it wasn't even something to get all pissy about. It's a fact. Up until he started having a problem with me having a boyfriend I never had issues with his fuck buddies being around.
 
ah...

Sounds like it got sorted. Glad you told him how it felt. He knows now so if he keeps it up I would be worried that he is playing mind games. I dislike being messed with when it comes to emotions.
 
Sam is pretty much all moved into the new place, he and I got my old queen bed out of my garage. I haven't been able to use it for 3 years since nate and I cosleep with the girls we needed a king. Sam and also picked up a chow puppy today and took him to work to show him off, he's so sweet and cute, he looks like a little teddy bear. He's the best of the litter, turns out the lady selling him had been holding him for a guy but the guy never showed
 
I was thinking about commitment ceremony and how sam wanted one and why I was apprehensive to do it. I think i figured it out. I never had a wedding. I had two civil ceremonies that i didn't even dress up for (for legal purposes ). Im not interested in ceremony or wedding. Not interested in making vows in front of witnesses, not interested in parties in my honor, or being the center of attention. So while I care for sam I can't bring myself to do it. He asked me if I'm committed to him and I said yes, he said that was good enough for him. I feel so relieved that he doesn't need titles. I can't imagine being with a partner that wanted a wedding, that would be so awful for me.
 
I decided instead of breaking my overnights with sam into two stays that it would be better to stay Saturday afternoon to Monday afternoon. This gives nate a better opportunity to be more productive with his art and it also makes me feel like less of a visitor.

Sam's niece spent the night and she and my girls get along really well. she's pretty sweet and she told me that she likes me and I'm really nice (and apparently a sucker for flattery lol) she got wind that i have a trampoline at home and wants to come visit us there :p
 
Nate hit the dirty 30 this weekend, it's crazy that in the 6 years we've been together he's had sex with 23 other women.

My boundary of not having others in my home has softened a bit because layla hasn't had sex in 3 years and she lives with her mom out of town and Nate is too frugal to pay for a hotel room. He met her 6 years ago when they worked at the same call center and they've been Facebook chatting ever sense.

Ive been taking 5 mg of celexa the past few weeks and it's made me feel pretty apathetic toward most things, which is good because I tend to react strongly to things and feel emotions so strongly.

I've been feeling productive lately, been finding yard stuff for free and nate just installed a koi pond. I'll be building a deck soon with free materials when nate goes into a medical study. Hw was disqualified from this $3400 on but he's trying to now get into a $2100 .
 
Found out nate is talking to Deanna again, I guess she texted him from a new number. She asked him out. I could have been petty and reiterated that he's not to bring her to our home but I decided that our relationship has been really good lately and I'd like to continue t hatm when Sam was helping me drop off lumber to my house and deliver my new super awesome foam mattress nate helped and talked to sam. He's making an effort and so will I. I want to put all the past mistakes behind us. Continuing to punish him for treating me poorly isn't the answer. I feel like I'm in a better place now emotionally
 
came home early from Sam's house. It's pretty clear that his mom runs the show around there. I wasnt feeling it today and he was going to be going out for a few hours so I figured I would pack up and come home since I was already feeling restless there. I've been working so many hours and being gone I just felt like I needed to be in my own space.

Came home to discover that nate was going to the movies with deanna and her friends. I'm not surprised that he didnt waste any time going out with her. I feel so weird about it. like there is this empty place inside me where anger should be. He ended up taking my 16 years old along since it's not a 1 on 1 date. Then later he and I are going to go to drink and draw. He was awfully sweet to me before he left. I dont feel jealous at all, but I feel like I should be if that makes any sense.

his approach with treating me with kindness instead of acting defensive and like an asshole makes a huge difference to me.
 
So I decided that going two days straight was just too much so im going back to Saturday and Tuesday nights again. This also allows nate and me to go on activities (like last night we went to drink and draw ). Nate and I decided the kids can't go to Sam's anymore because Sam's mom started smoking in her room even though she agreed to the condition that smoking in the house would be prohibited when he approached her about the the roommate situation. She feels because she pays to live there she has the right to smoke in her bedroom. At first it didn't seem like a big deal but I can smell it in the rest of the house, she's also started smoking with her bedroom door open and it's escalated to the point where she walks through with a lit cigarette. Its completely disrespectful to the 6 non smokers in the house. A complete slap in the face that she agreed to only smoke outside and now Sam is stuck in a house he can't afford on his own until hs i lease is up next April.

I was looking at the cdc website and they say even living in a multi family unit exposes you to second hand smoke. So even if ahe was smoking out her window the rest of the house is being exposed. so the plan is i will take the kids out to do activities so nate can have his alone time and then late at night I will go spend the night with sam. Next year when sam moves into his own place I'll start taking the kids there again. Funny he moved to a house so the kids would have their own room and they cant even go there :(
 
So Sam's mother texted him to let me know that she won't be smoking in her room when im there because she won't be there when I am but if she is she won't. I requested that she always keep her bedroom door shut and to not smoke a few hours in her room before we arrive. Still not ideal but it's a little compromise at least. Sam informed me that she plans on moving when she has the resources so this is just a temp situation.
 
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