So... life has decided to remain interesting on several fronts. The number of people living in the house has increased by two, as my soon-to-be-ex-brother-in-law and his daughter have moved in to the basement. The gets a mention on this blog because he is one of the reasons I'm more... open-minded than I used to be. He started transitioning a couple years ago, and recently his eldest son became his eldest daughter. Some members of the family haven't taken this well, which is why they need a place to live; personally, I don't care. They're good people.
Besides... reminding me to be open-minded probably got me into my current situation, so I kinda owe them.
Anyway. So the entire week involved cleaning and moving and whatnot, and somewhere in there, schedules combined and we had our first sleepover... and earlier in the day, I lose my mattress. See, the STBXwife has been sleeping in the guest room on the mattress borrowed from the brother-in-law. When Brother-in-law moved to basement, he took the mattress down there with him. So the one I've been sleeping on got moved to the guest room, since it was the wife's, bought with her first paycheck after we moved into our apartment over eleven years ago. Which meant we had... um... a nest of blankets and pillows. Not the most comfortable arrangement, but she was okay with it for a first sleepover.
Well, napover. Maybe three hours of sleep total. I don't know if it's because the NRE hasn't worn off, I don't know if it's because I'm truly, madly, deeply in love with this woman, I don't know if it's just because I haven't slept next to someone in six months... but those short bursts of sleep were some of the best sleep I've ever had. Sleeping next to her was the best part of the night. Even better than the sex. And I'm not the 'bragging fratbro' kind of guy, but... that's saying a hell of a lot right there. It's like saying something is better than fifty-year scotch, or sweeter than pure sugar. I'm going to remember this night, for multiple reasons, until the day I die.
And then she had to leave. Partially because she was wide awake and I was somewhat failing at adjusting to a multiple-nap schedule instead of a full night's sleep, partially because she had to go get coffee to save the rest of her household. And I'm trying not to freak out, because since then... nothing. No 'got home safe', no jokes, no response when I mentioned something I'd heard about a game she was interested in. I'm telling myself, it's nothing, she may have just gotten home and fallen asleep, or misplaced her phone, or even just turned it off to spend time with her husband so he doesn't feel like I'm replacing him (Which is apparently a possible issue, even tho he has two girlfriends... I thought I was getting a grip on psychology until this whole poly thing came along...) (EDIT: Turns out she fell asleep. Her sleep schedule continues to baffle me.)
I'm finding it interesting how the two sides of my life are changing. On the one hand, the STBXwife and family. Her family is great, even the uncles who volunteered to kill me for her if she wanted. She said no, as far as I know. But last night, she was... oddly jealous. And somewhat passive-aggressive. "I know you weren't making out with her, 'cause you're a horrible kisser. You're like a labrador, she wouldn't want that." And this morning when I had a text asking if I was up, I forgot to check who it was from before saying "Yeah, but its lonely without you here," which caused another mini shitstorm. I can't blame her -too- much as she's hormonal and it's her boyfriend weekend with his kids so she's kind of... in pain and alone and just lashing out.
On the other side, I am apparently being added to diagrams of the polycule drawn up by people I had (until about 4am this morning) never met. And for that matter, within half an hour of meeting me, they were asking if I was going to go to any of the meetups. So there's... I'm not sure. Acceptance, but it's something different than that. But it feels more like a family that the family I married into does. I've always liked being accepted. Happens rarely. I... am not normally social with strangers, but someone Id' never met wanted to hug me based solely on what they'd heard about me... I'm in a very weird place for me.
I've reached the point where this relationship... I think it's strong, I think it's going to last a long time, as long as I don't let my guard down and mess something up. But now... it's like this whole other step. You date anyone, you meet their friends. But this is... I don't know if it's because I'm naturally antisocial and don't let that many people get close to me, or if it's because poly groups tend to be closer even when there's no direct connection between them, but it's more like meeting her family. Friends, if you don't mesh well, doesn't matter as much. Family... family is far more important.
I have this sinking feeling I'm going to fall in love with this strange new-age family, only to realize that I -really- can't do poly and then have something happen to sever the one link I have with them. Stupid, no-basis-in-reality sinking feeling. I've been getting more of those this past month; it may be time to reconsider a depression med. 'cause I know that she's the best thing in my life, that this is... yeah, the best relationship I've ever had, and I don't my brain messing it up.
I seem to ramble when I don't get much sleep. Ah, well.