Today is the first chance I've had to write in like a week! And, to be honest, I've been procrastinating about it for a good chunk of the day because I'm feeling lazy and also daunted about how much there is to say.
I suppose I'll just go chronologically...
Monday, I left work a bit early to meet Rider out for birthday drinks. Except...when I got on my bike, my tire was flat! So I ended up having to Lyft home and then dash out to meet Rider and get his picture of getting carded. We had fun. And we did indeed have incredible, kinky marathon sex that evening though. We did all his favorite things: foot stuff, cross-dressing, tying him up, pussy worship, and strap-on sex. He was in heaven. We kind of stayed up too late, but it was worth it.
I also randomly heard from Kristof via IM. He apologized for ghosting on me (which I didn't really care about) and offered to return something of mine that I'd left with him, as well as inquiring whether I'd still be interested in hanging out. I was polite and friendly, but I really don't have time for him. I let him know that he can keep the item if he wants it; it was from the thrift store and does not have particular value to me. It was nice to hear from him, though. I'd assumed I'd offended him with my clear shock at his political views, but it turns out he'd just gotten busy.
Tuesday was a shit day. My ancient car finally gave up the ghost on the way back from a taco run, and Rider had to get out and push to get it rolling again. So no more ancient car. I also had a shit-ton of work to do. I brought my work home, and Rider watched his wrestling shows while I worked next to him on my laptop. I also spent a portion of Tuesday counseling Oona about Toby things and seriously bumming about Sam because it would have been our two-year anniversary. More on all that later...I did send Sam a hug via IM, and he sent one back and said "thanks, I really needed a hug." I wish it could have been a real one.
Wednesday, I had tentative plans to do happy hour with Max, but of course he flaked. He was ingratiatingly apologetic and again promised to make it up to me, stressing how much he really did want to hang out with me. I didn't really care. I have zero emotional investment in hanging out with him. If it ever happens, then it does. And if it never does, well, more time to hang out with Rider. Rider and I ended up spending most of the evening looking for cars online and making a spreadsheet with some possibilities. Rider emailed a bunch of dealerships to set up appointments.
I also learned how to change my back bike-tire tube. Moss had helped me with some research about what tube I needed to buy and gave me some basic pointers. The rest I watched on YouTube. It was a bit complicated but not too bad. At least with a fixed bike I had transportation again and didn't have to Lyft to work like I did that day.
Thursday was band practice. Perry picked us up because of our carlessness, which was very sweet of him. We wrote a new song that I really like.
Friday was interesting. I originally planned to be lazy because I'd been suffering from a dearth of downtime. But Oona wanted to go out, which is super rare for her on a Friday due to having MMA classes early Saturday; I guess they'd been canceled this weekend. AND she and Toby had been hashing things out all week trying to get back together in a way that worked for them, so she wanted to blow off some steam and then for us all to meet up with Toby later when he got done with some work stuff. Rider was at Downtown Bar for happy hour. So I plotted to ride my bike there and meet him, and also Oona, who would be arriving by train .
So, I think I neglected to mention that last Friday when Rider and I had been at that bar, I'd kissed the bartender, Cayo, after he was off his shift. I'd befriended him a few weeks ago, that night that Max had stood me up, and Rider already knew and liked him. Rider knew we were flirting, and Cayo knows about and is cool with the poly thing, so it was all good. It was just one kiss that night, and we'd texted a bit after. No biggie.
Anyway, so THIS past Friday, Cayo was giving us all (me, Rider, and Oona) free drinks, and we were having a lot of fun. Oona invited Rider and me to a movie premiere in a few weeks, and I wanted to go, but I haven't seen the other content in the franchise, so I kind of felt like...an impostor?...if I went. I wanted to make sure I could catch up before agreeing to go. I suddenly remembered that Beckett is an expert—indeed, somewhat of a nerd—in that area. So I texted him to pick his brain, while Oona and Rider socialized.
Beckett was indeed a wealth of information. I was happy I'd asked him. As I was gearing up to sign off, I thanked him and tossed him a bit of friend-grade sentiment: "Thanks for the info. I miss hanging out with you." That's the friend version, right?
Well, he upped the ante! He replied, "I miss you. I want to sneak out to Cali but life has me tied up at the moment." Oh, Beckett! He's the one in a mono relationship (that he dumped me for), and yet HE is the one upping the flirtation level! And of course I got all squee. Because it's Beckett, and he forever has that effect on me. After that, I went back to attending to my present company.
Rider, Oona, and I had a lot of fun chatting together. I made another cute chick friend, and I flirted with Cayo some more. When Cayo was off of work, he wanted to come with us back to our neighborhood where we were meeting Toby. I kissed Cayo a bunch more. He's a really good kisser! I suppose I should introduce him here.
He's 45 (but looks younger), cute, tattooed, and Mexican. He has adorable curly hair that is usually pomaded till it looks straight. He's small—short for a guy and thin, which I generally like. He's also a singer and guitarist in a punk band. He's cocky by nature, but has a generous heart, and a sense of chivalry I had thought to be incredibly out-dated (doesn't like to let women buy men drinks, for example) but kind of cute, all the same.
Anyway, he ended up hanging out with us all night. He and Rider were buddied up at the last bar we went to while I was talking to Oona—zero awkwardness there. The three of us grabbed a late-night diner meal together after Oona and Toby split, and Cayo ended up staying over on the futon. I slipped out of bed before anyone else was awake and crawled in to give Cayo a cuddle, figuring he'd like it. And he did. We had some over-the-clothes and under-the-shirt groping before I realized the time and had to get moving. Rider said he'd figured that was happening and had purposefully not come out of the bedroom in order to give us some space.
I don't LIKE-like him—i.e., there is not enough romantic energy there that I'd want to date him, if he were even into the idea—but a friends-with-(possibly-lite)benefits situation seems to be evolving. I'm on the fence about full-on PIV sex because an older, cute, band-leading bartender at a popular bar seems like a higher risk factor for skin-to-skin STIs that, as of yet, I don't seem to have. If I were super into him, that might be another story, but really, so far, I just like kissing him and being close to him and being his friend. Running my fingers through his dark, curly hair in the morning was kind of amazing.
After Cayo left, Rider and I grabbed breakfast and went to pick up the rental car. We had appointments to go test drive cars, but the first one we tested we ended up buying, so we canceled the others. It feels so adult to own a car not only from this millennium, but this very decade!
We ended up driving it up into the mountains and down the coast to shoot some good pictures of it before it gets dirty. I'm not much for washing cars, and it seems almost unconscionable in this drought. Beckett was very interactive on all of our threads on social media about the car. I wonder what is going on with him that he is suddenly so interested in me again.
This morning we returned the rental car. I talked to Oona for a bit. She and Toby have managed to work things out and are still together. I really hope he's done being a jerk. Cayo mentioned not liking him. He said he really liked Oona but that "her friend was standoffish." I didn't speak to Toby much that night, so I don't know. I assured Cayo that he is capable of being a nice guy, but he might have been going through some stuff that night. Turns out I was right and there was Oona/Toby drama. But they did clear it up yesterday.
Perry has invited Rider and me to a BBQ tonight, but I don't think I want to go. I'm pretty burnt out and lazy today. Oona also invited me over, but ditto. And Max wanted to know what I'm doing, but I told him let's touch base about a day during the week instead. I think I just want to have sex with Rider and binge-watch some TV or films.
Also, HOLY FUCK, do I ever miss the hell out of Sam. I had hoped it would get better, but it has not. The heartbreak portion of it is dying down—the part that makes me cry and shake my fist at the sky—but the visceral ache of wishing he were nearer is only increasing. And remembering being sexual with him still lights me on fire. I was idly browsing plane tickets today, knowing that I can't afford them, just so I could more deeply entertain the fantasy of burying my face in his chest. I feel that ache in all of me, down to my wrists, even. It's so weird. I love him. I want him. I cannot have him. But I am thankful for what I do have. When I start to feel wistful about what I don't have, I redirect my attention to what I do have. Most of the time, it works.