WanderingINTJ
New member
I have a therapist I saw for a few years in my twenties and who I started seeing again the year I turned 40. In between those two times of seeing him, I changed my life a lot! I left the Mormon church (along with my husband and two kids) and we opened up our marriage after 17 years of monogamy.
Before my first visit the second time I saw him, I told him about being poly so that he could decide if it was something that he could accept as being part of my life, because, while I wasn't doing couples therapy, poly tends to influence all parts of your life and if he was going to be uncomfortable with me talking about it at all, I wanted to know up front so we both wouldn't waste our time.
Thankfully, he is one of the least judgmental people I've met (when I saw him while I was still Mormon, I never felt judged, even when I'd tell him some stuff that seems wacky to me now. He isn't Mormon but he did a beautiful job of not judging me for believing the things I did). The same thing happened with the whole poly thing, he's staunchly monogamous but I never felt judged for being poly. He did research about poly on his own time so he could help me better, instead of me having to spend a lot of time explaining everything to him.
My point is that even if a therapist isn't necessarily poly friendly, as long as they aren't judgmental, they can still be a great help. It's really unfortunate that the therapist you were assigned is so wrapped up in her own version of the world that she feels the need to label anything that varies from her definition of normal as deviant and pathological.
I do hope that you report your experience to the management of the clinic she practices through. Not as a way of punishing her or something, but so that they know that she doesn't deal well with clients who deviate from normal, so that they know not to assign her those clients. it could be damaging to someone who is already in a really bad place to go to someone they are hoping will be able to help them and instead feel rejected and judged (as opposed to you being mostly happy but wanting some help with the harder parts of your new choices). I could see that pushing an unstable person even closer to the edge. That's the reason I think you should make sure and report it.
Yes, discussing poly with people who don't understand is tough. When my husband and I started therapy and the first things they asked were what is polyamory and what does asexual mean, I knew I was doomed at having any understanding. I did find a personal therapist for me that was poly and ACE friendly. Still sucks that my therapist and my husband have no full understanding of where I'm coming from. Its a bit lonely.