Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I loved that Mags. Awesomesauce!

Well, my daughter made it to Nepal with no problems on her end. Her flights left on time, her checked luggage appeared when it should have and I have a photo of her with my friend, on the way to the Volunteer House. She won the airport lottery too - on the first, longest flight, she had a window seat and an empty seat next to her even though the plane was almost completely full.

Things did not fare so well with PunkRock and I though - we had SO MANY issues in Philadelphia. He dropped us off at the airport and then couldn't find his way back to say goodbye after parking, so he didn't get to hug my daughter before she left. He parked way, way, way on the opposite side of the airport, so he not only had to walk all the way over to find me, but then we had to walk all the way back together. Then, when we found the Mutter Museum, we went in a circle, trying to find parking downtown. He pulled the car over into a metered space on a one way street, so we could look up places online, and then the car wouldn't start.

Did I mentioned that it was raining non-stop when this was going on?

We decided to call AAA later in the day, after we finished our touristy stuff. So we went to pay for the metered space, and it turned out to be $5 for 2 hours. The kiosk took my money, but refused to print out a confirmation. This was an issue because we did get ticketed later. Lovely.

I had to poop like crazy, so we walked in the rain down to the nearest Dunkin Donuts, and the bathroom was in the process of being cleaned. When I finally got in, someone pounded on the door for half the time I was in there. It was some dude in a business suit. I wasn't sorry for how long I took, I was busy!

PunkRock had to wear my hoodie - thank goodness I had packed an extra, and it was black. He looked rather cute in it, actually. lol

The Mutter Museum was great. We looked around for an hour, before PunkRock had to leave to go walk back and re-up our meter. That's when he discovered the ticket. He managed to get the kiosk to print confirmation the second time, but it actually printed two - the person who had used it in front of us didn't get their paper either, apparently!

When he came back, we browsed the museum for another hour, and then stayed for another. the last hour, my feet hurt terribly and I was starving by that point. We returned to the car in a torrential downpour, with the umbrella flipping inside out regularly. Thankfully, AAA came quickly and jumped us. the guy said our battery was completely dead. That didn't make much sense because when it died, it wasn't like we had left the lights on or anything. We had just driven a distance! PunkRock is going to see what happens this morning - if it starts or not. hopefully something was just wet.

We had to drive home without shutting off the car for fear of being stranded again, so we ended up taking turns running into a rest stop with the car still running and buying overpriced Roy Rogers garbage for lunch around 3 pm.

I guess it's things like this that make the trip an adventure. I am very happy all the drama was after my daughter left. If the car hadn't started at the hotel, there would have been some serious issues!
 
Hmm What is that saying? "An adventure is somebody else having a hard time of it far away"? So I guess I could say "What an adventure!" (I want to go to the Mutter museum someday)

Leetah
 
I spent Saturday running errands with WarMan. We had a deep discussion during lunch at Texas Roadhouse in Chambersburg. (Well, as deep as you can get with the waitresses screaming about some stranger's birthday every 5 minutes. Why do businesses think this is a good idea? Ugh.) He told me a great many things, but I have yet to really process most of them.

Basically, he said that he feels like a friend with benefits. We do activities and go on dates, have amazing sex, yet he doesn't see a place where he fits into my life. This was kind of a shock to me, kind of not. He is concerned that I will choose to up and move away next year. This is a fear that I knew existed since we started dating - hell, I am worried about my future here as well - however, the fact that he is really struggling with this now was a surprise. Anyway, he told me that he wants a place in my life long term, but he doesn't see how to take it to that level.

How does he improve our relationship? How does he gain that trust and importance in my life? Right now if I need something, I turn to DarkKnight and PunkRock first, before considering him. I have told him before, well, those are my husbands, of course I do. But he says that this is difficult, because by being third in line of consideration, he never gets the chance to show his colors. By the nature of how my relationship is structured, he feels he might not ever be considered a primary. Even if I love him lots and don't make him feel less important because he is third, the fact remains that he is third, and he's late to the game, and he doesn't see a way to show me his stuff.

I was kind of at a loss, because this made sense to me, yet the only thing I can see to help it is time. And time may be/is a limited resource with us. Sigh.

He gave some concrete examples - like taking my daughter to and from the airport. He wasn't considered as an option for that. I mean, it's intrinsically right that of course I would want DarkKnight there because he is her father, but he couldn't make it, so I turned to PunkRock instead. Which is also perfectly fine because he's her stepdad and they have a good relationship. But he is left out of this big event in my life because he doesn't have that connection and can't build any bonds because there hasn't been time to do that yet and there may not be. The thought just makes him sad. Because this isn't just this one event, but lots of other things in my life too.

Or, when DarkKnight doesn't want a sleepover on any given night, I immediately just go do stairs and snuggle with PunkRock. I don't think of calling WarMan, and asking him to come over for the night. He's 20 minutes away but he would like to do that for me.

He was asking me about how to get those opportunities to become more important, how to grow our relationship so I would consider him.

I will write more later.
 
At some point, you're going to have to economize things and start cutting into individual time by bringing your guys together in the same space more often. Or move Warman into your living space. Not sure how else you can resolve this except by doing that. Your home life contains most of your core set of priorities. Unless you plan on building another set of very important things separately with Warman, I don't see that changing anytime soon. It makes no sense to try stretching yourself further without diminishing the quality of each relationship experience.
 
Even if I love him lots and don't make him feel less important because he is third, the fact remains that he is third, and he's late to the game, and he doesn't see a way to show me his stuff.

Some of the reasons you discuss are exactly why I broke up with XBF. I do not mean any of the below unkindly, but to tell you from the other side, what it looks like.

I came to see that he wouldn't make room in the rest of his life for me. I was never introduced to his friends. I was never going to be introduced to his family. The details may be different, but the end result is not. Why would anyone stay with someone who can't or won't make room for them in their lives?

He, too, kept telling me he was planning on moving away in ten years. Think what kind of message that sends, especially when he was making it steadily more clear that he wanted me to stay with him that whole time--it really feels like someone willing to take ten years of my life for his desires, and happiness, and then walk away dumping me in ten years, leaving me alone and ten years older with no real relationship, no one in my life because I gave all that time to him.

It's one thing to accidentally meet someone and sparks fly, at a bad time, but you went out looking for someone to get emotionally, romantically involved with you, with every intention of walking away--after their hearts are entangled. No intention of staying. The message I finally got from it was:

Serve my needs until I'm done with you. Entertain me for the next ten years while my wife is too busy screwing other men to be with me, and then I'm going to whisk her off into the sunset to reward her for all the years you gave me. Good luck on your own.

It's like getting a dog when you know you're leaving in 5 years, fully intending to just drop it off at a shelter. In fact, most people wouldn't do that to a dog, knowing they're not going to be able to stay with him long term.

the only thing I can see to help it is time. And time may be/is a limited resource with us. Sigh.
Yep. And you knew that going in.


He was asking me about how to get those opportunities to become more important, how to grow our relationship so I would consider him.

You dangled a promise and hope in front of him that, in truth, you cannot fulfill. As someone else said, the only way to give him more is to take away from someone else.

And I really hope you'll consider this: you'd barely returned from the wedding with #2 when you were looking for #3. Look at the things you've said about your feelings about yourself. Let's say you marry War Man--are you going to be looking for #4 within the week, to further prove to yourself that you are lovable and attractive? Where does this end?

I do not say this with any intention of being hurtful. Someone else has suggested you look back into therapy. At the very least, you have to start looking at how your decisions are impacting others, how your decision to go looking right after the wedding affected Punk Rock, how it's affected WarMan, how it would affect a hypothetical #4.

Part of character is recognizing that we don't get to pursue something just because we really, really want it--because pursuing it affects everyone around us.
 
At some point, you're going to have to economize things and start cutting into individual time by bringing your guys together in the same space more often. Or move Warman into your living space. Not sure how else you can resolve this except by doing that. Your home life contains most of your core set of priorities. Unless you plan on building another set of very important things separately with Warman, I don't see that changing anytime soon. It makes no sense to try stretching yourself further without diminishing the quality of each relationship experience.


Yeah. I have talked briefly with both PunkRock and DarkKnight about this. I feel like I would like to co-habitate with WarMan, and having that be next summer, when my son moves out would probably be good timing. That said, I don't want it to be for the wrong reasons - or what I feel would be the wrong reasons - namely, trying to stave off a future move, a fear of losing him or just to feel like I would have better control of our relationship that way. I love him and want him near me. That should be why. I do feel that, intensely, but I am also afraid of hurrying things along because we lack time.

Again, I will write more later. My time is limited. :/
 
To be truthful, I've seen various therapists over the years. At this point I am not inclined to start up again.

Very few women would not in some fashion relate to what you're describing, Bluebird. Perhaps it helps to know that the inner voice you're experiencing can certainly change its tune and it doesn't necessarily require therapy and delving deep into some horrendous (or not so horrendous) past. I've found that habits of thoughts are just that - habits. They influence our experience of life to be sure, but they are absolutely changeable and you can change old habits of painful thought by creating new and better feeling habits. Just because a habit of thought is long practiced doesn't mean it can't be changed and you don't need "experts" to stand over and guide you. You alone contain a world of ability to alter your experience of life, it just takes focus.

I won't presume to tell you how to establish new perspectives, but I will tell you that a painful self-perception can absolutely evolve into a stable and beautiful self-perception. You can make it your intention to do this and little by little, gather up supports and inspirations that speak to you. Anything you put your attention on is what proliferates and in ways that go far beyond what you alone can do. Just having the intention and desire to feel better so that you can receive is very powerful. For many of us, doing for others comes so naturally and we're champs at it. Learning to see our own beauty and to receive is the real work.

:)
 
From my seat in the bleachers, I like WarMan a lot and would like to see him become a permanent part of this picture. Yes, I'm kind of thinking he would make a great third husband. As in, with you and all three guys living together. Yes, DarkKnight and PunkRock would be sacrificing a part (one third to be exact) of their lives with you to make room for WarMan, and this idea would have to be okay with them. But isn't that already starting to happen? WarMan already needs part of your time (and energy). And if you're going to move to another state, I'd like to see WarMan move with you.

From my seat in the bleachers, I also fancy that you'll agree that three husbands is a point of saturation for you. You wouldn't have the time (or energy) to do any more dating, not even just for a FWB or FB. But I know it's not my place to tell you what to do, so I apologize if I've overstepped my bounds. I don't have to live with the results of your choices, I can stay comfortably in my chair and watch the game. But, I'm invested to the extent that I've been following your story, so I thought I could share a swatch of my perspective, and get away with it. I hope you won't mind.
 
I want to speak specifically to what everyone has said, and I also want to write more about my own feelings and such. I just don't know where to start. Stop responding people, so I can get caught up. :) :)

Ok, WHATHAPPENED: I appreciate that you took the time to write everything that you did. I have been thinking about various parts throughout today and I didn't want to respond until I felt I gave the ideas and issues you brought out some serious contemplation.

So, I've done that. I am sorry to say though, that I think an awful lot of it is stuff I feel comfortable trashing as not applicable. I want you to know that I did not take any of it badly, or personally. I did try certain statements on to see if they fit, but they just didn't.

I did not set out to seek a 3rd because my feelings about my appearance needed validation. I have had certain phases in my life where the appreciation of others was paramount, and this right here was not one of those times. I think I have a pretty good handle on what parts of me are wonky, and the narrative you've come up with just isn't accurate.

One time frame in particular comes to mind - right after M and I split, I dated like 50 guys that January. I slept with an awful lot of them. I went to a couple of play parties and slept with a bunch of dudes there. Much of that was rooted in wanting to feel good and wanting to feel valued. It was a shitty way to get that, but you know what, it did what I needed it to do. I felt powerful, I felt great. Looking back, I actually wouldn't change having done it.

That said, I got what I needed then. This doesn't feel anything like that. When that was happening, I actually felt terrific about my appearance - I felt sexy, desirable and hot. Now I feel different - I am carrying extra pounds and sometimes that makes me feel shitty. I think honestly, I am less likely to seek out the approval of others when I am feeling down on myself. I am my own worst critic and I don't like putting myself up to being judged when I don't think I pass muster.

The issue I have with compliments has been ongoing for a huge part of my life - both when I was skinnier than what was healthy and now when I am overweight. I don't believe who I sleep with and how I run my relationships is based on my body image at any given time.

I don't need WarMan to validate my feelings or invalidate my feelings. Actually, I think all 3 of my guys would probably agree that if anything, I never use them or ask them to tell me how gorgeous I am. Never. I might ask them if a particular outfit looks ok, but I am not one to tolerate compliments and I am not going to prompt them for good feelings surrounding what I look like.

As far as seeking out a 3rd romantic partner - I wasn't. I had a lot of thoughts in my head about finding a FWB. Re-reading my journal, starting back from like a year from today, I had a lot of posts about needing more sex from both PunkRock and DarkKnight. More recently, I was going through a bit of a dry spell with both of them and I was really agonizing over that. When my best friend in New York asked me to reactivate my OKC account and then WarMan messaged me, I had a lot of thought about what I would want specifically, and FWB and sexy time partner was what I most wanted. I told him that, and yes, I told him we were planning a move. That sort of thing wouldn't hopefully negatively impact an entanglement like that emotionally.

But then, boom, we were enamored with each other. I had not set a strong boundary, I had left things open, and now I am reaping that lack in rules. On one hand, I am so very happy that WarMan did want a primary relationship - he's fucking fantastic. On the other hand though, yeah, I am struggling with him wanting that. I want it too though. I think that is the big difference between the situation you have experienced - your ex-partner was not willing to juggle you as a primary and try to incorporate you into his life. I am absolutely willing and I am trying to do that with WarMan.

Maybe it won't be successful. We are having growing pains, that's for sure. But I am not going to stop trying as long as I feel it is worth it. And right now it really, really is!

FALLENANGELINA: Thank you. Yes, I actually think trying myself to work on this will be rich in rewards - especially since all 3 of my guys really would like a change in that area. Both WarMan and DarkKnight have agreed to be involved with the SuperBetter App with me. I haven't talked to PunkRock yet. I do feel if I start over from scratch and work diligently, I will see a lot of improvement.

KEVIN: I love you so much! I will always welcome your perspective here. I have zero interest in a 4th. I agree I am poly saturated and would do nothing but harm in adding another partner.
 
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Now the day has progressed and I've forgotten everything so wanted to say, dammit. Sigh.

I guess I can talk now about the most recent stuff and maybe work back a bit until I remember?

Tonight I had a date night with DarkKnight and we watched a standup comedy act on Netflix. He is currently reading this journal - he stopped reading back before my dad died and he said he wanted to get caught back up, so he is. :) Hi DarkKnight! :)

Before coming to bed, I went downstairs and had some fun sexy times with PunkRock. He came in my hair because I turned my head at just the wrong moment (or right moment, lol). So now I'm all crusty. It was a fun reconnection though his cat Stormy did not care to watch and meowed at us during the action. That was a bit disconcerting!

Oh, now I remember stuff. :)

Last night I had a date night with WarMan and we went to see DarkKnight perform in Cabaret. It was an amazing show and I had a wonderful time. DarkKnight had told the playhouse owner that I was coming to see the show, and that I was bringing my boyfriend. So I guess he outed me to everyone there. That said, when we arrived, the waiter asked me -oh, you are DarkKnight's wife? - and I said yes and then spent the time holding hands with WarMan. He seemed a little confused so I hope someone straightened that out for him! Not sure if the owner was one for gossip but no one asked DarkKnight anything today when he was in the matinee show. *shrugs*

After the show I went home to WarMan's house. I was still feeling very keyed up emotionally from missing my daughter and he and I had an intense conversation again about his best friend. I am going to start calling her Monkey, since that is what he calls her in his journal. He was saying he wanting me to maybe go over to her house with him on Sunday and that it would be fine since all their other friends show up with their significant others. I told him that she had sent me a text thanking me for being cool with giving her and him a sacrosanct day, so to me that sounds like it's just for the two of them. He said I had misunderstood because when he is over there, Monkey's husband and her grown son were there, as well as her parents and sometimes other friends. I told him that was good and all, but that I didn't feel comfortable without clarification.

I was a little bit adamant about it. WarMan said he didn't feel it was very fair of him to say that Sundays were for them but then she could have her spouse there. I agreed that it sounded like a one-sided agreement, but that maybe he shouldn't have made it.

When we got to his house I was even more emotionally drained and exhausted, and I fell asleep without having sex. He said later this made him unhappy.

I woke up today horny and but we had more discussion about this topic. I mean, we had some great sex but we also talked a lot more. I decided to skip D&D today and we talked some more about me going to his friend's house. I kind of flip flopped about it and then told him to go ahead and ask Monkey for her opinion. She eventually responded and said no, and that her house was a mess. I wasn't upset as that was sort of what I expected. It didn't bother me, honestly. By that point I had decided I wanted to go home and decompress and chill out on my own. WarMan was upset though and had some angry feelings to process. He said he was tired of trying to make her happy at my expense and that he couldn't keep making concessions.

Later on, after visiting her tonight, he messaged me and said it was all good. She apparently has worked it out that I am his girlfriend and that I should come first. I dunno what that means as far as how that will translate into actions. I told WarMan earlier that I really was getting very tired of every single date involving talking about her issues. I don't mind at all about him chatting about her or projects they are working on or stuff they are planning together, but having her be a focal point in our interactions needs to stop. He said he didn't want that to continue either, so he will make that stop happening.

Also in our conversations he and I talked more about him moving. He said he wanted to look at this apartment for rent that was 10 minutes closer to me, in Greencastle. It was right up the street from Monkey too. I thought that sounded good but later when we were discussing plans he said he wanted me to be clear in the fact that he would want to move in with me if possible. I was a bit confused because he has said this before but also said that he needed to stay in PA for his job. He clarified that he does not need to stay in PA but that he would obviously have to let his boss know that he was moving a bit further south. His company is nationwide so he didn't think it would be a problem. It told him that it didn't make sense to me for him to move and rent an apartment and then move again this summer - leases are signed for a year, unless he was planning on going month to month there.

A lot of our conversation was really centered around trying to figure out how to make him feel more involved with my day to day life and making his moving in feel like a logical step in our relationship. I understand his concerns and I am ok with this escalator ride. Right now the plan is to continue on as we have and when my daughter gets back from Nepal to focus on figuring out her plan. Lol It's her senior year, and we have to decide whether she will be going to the HVAC trade school in town or not. If she does, she will be living at home until February 2017. The other choice is for her to move to NY next summer and live with my oldest daughter, who has a two bedroom apartment, and go to an HVAC
School up there. My youngest and I are going to meet with some people in NY in December. Anyway, making this choice will help me chart my course and make decisions as far as buying a house and the rest of us moving or not.

This will all of course effect all 3 of my guys, and definitely WarMan as he has to figure out in his own mind how he fits into our long term plans. I want to include him but he has to decide if it works for him. We are all old people, and my hopes and dreams for the future may not be his. He told me today though, that he feels that I am his happily ever after. Which is amazingly sweet.

We did have a solid disconnect this afternoon - he brought me home before going to to his friend's house and came inside to hold me on the couch for a bit because I was still emotionally processing everything. We ended up having an incredibly hot and steamy sex session in my bedroom, which completely blew my socks off. Unfortunately, immediately after he said, "Come up here so I can hold you. I need to get over to Monkey's house."

I felt really used and undermined and discounted. Like, I knew he was leaving and was totally cool with it, but here I am exhausted from mind-blowing sex and he is telling me to hurry up and hug him because he is concerned about Monkey's timeline. Honestly I would have been pissed no mater what his plans were. I had to get up and regroup in the bathroom. I came back shortly and told him I didn't like feeling rushed after sex like that. If he didn't have time to hold me after, then he shouldn't be fucking me. He totally got it and apologized profusely.

When PunkRock got home from work he came right upstairs to hug me and we ended up talking about a lot of what I wrote about earlier and about my self-image issues. He told me that he knew already that I was wanting to cohabitate with WarMan in the future and that he was committed to whatever course of action would make me happiest. He told me also that he was on board with installing the Super Better app and assisting me with strengthening my positive thoughts about my body. His comments with that made me cry a bit because he was so intense and caring.

I am really lucky to have have such wonderful partners. I don't doubt that any of them love me. They're all awesomesauce.

This weekend has been a roller coaster but the downs seem to have been straightened out and hopefully we can get off the drama train and go ride something more pleasant.
 
Today is full of odds and ends.

I started back on SuperBetter and began my battle toward my epic win, which is being able to accept compliments with belief. I actually wiped my old account and signed up for a new one so I didn't have any old junk I didn't need. W00T! Go me! I also took my thyroid medication for the first time this year, I think. Jesus. I am tired of feeling like crap and hopefully I can stick with it. I hate pills but these ones are tiny. I just always make an excuse in my head to not take it, which is hella dumb.

My daughter posted a ton of photos from Nepal, and I am feeling so very happy for her. Jealous too though - I wish I could take a trip like that! She looks like she is enjoying herself. I am so fucking proud of her, and of my poly family for working together to send her there. We have made some serious sacrifices financially, but it is SO worth it.

I have an issue I need to work through, but I don't know if I have the time or mental stamina to deal with it today. I will dump a bit about it here, now, so maybe that will help. My mom called me yesterday and out of no where she wanted me to know that PunkRock and WarMan are NOT invited to my sister's house for family Christmas. Only my REAL husband will be admitted. On one hand, I don't really care, because it's a non-issue. None of my guys usually make the trip to NY with me in December; it's almost always just me and my kids. No one wants to hang out with my sister or my drama-filled family. On the other hand, I am terribly offended at this, with both my sister and my mom.

My mom did not have to share this information with me. This would have been better passed along by my sister, if she meant it. My mom just wanted to start drama. I recognized this, immediately, so I just told her it was a non-issue for the reason I mentioned above - my guys won't be coming. She almost sounded disappointed that I wasn't angry.

My sister is doing this for attention, and again, to create drama. I know she doesn't really give a shit. It makes me want to respond by throwing a huge party at a swanky restaurant with all of our family, except for her family. I am not a bitch though, but that's my knee jerk reaction. Sigh. I wonder if I should bring it up to her and call her out for being an asshole, but I won't. Again, I don't want drama. Why bother to give her a reason to cause more?

My mother also made the comment that "Everyone wonders why you are doing this. Why do you need ANOTHER man? What is it that is wrong with you?" Then she tried to change the subject, but I kept breaking in until she let me respond. I told her that there is nothing wrong with having more love in my life, and people who accept and support who I am. She countered with yes, but then it should be just PLATONIC. These guys should just be FRIENDS. I told her that I am in love, and for me, sex is part of that. She huffed and said nothing.

My extended family is jerkfaces.

Today I have a lot of work to do with my son. Paperwork, I mean. I need to call in his earnings for the last two months with the social security office, I have to talk to his social worker, and he has a therapy appointment in the afternoon I would like to attend if I get my to-do list clear by then.

Tomorrow is biology, and we are dissecting alligator arms. I need to find a guide for this, but I believe it will probably be exploratory. I've never dissected alligators. I also need to grade quizzes for the week and create lab sheets for the next month or so. Ugh. I don't want to do this work right now but I don't have a choice. I think I will focus on it after lunch.
 
I think your discussion with WarMan about him not moving now when he might have to break a lease to move again in the summer makes complete sense. And is 20 minutes away really that far anyway? That actually seems really close to me! In addition to that, it also probably doesn't make sense for him to move until you guys have a discussion about long term stuff. You already know that you'd like to move to another state, is he willing to move as well? It sounds like he might have that option since he works from home anyway, but if you're going to move away in a year or 3, he needs to make a decision about just how invested in this relationship he wants to get depending on whether he will move with you.

At that same time, I think you both might want to just take a deep breath and remember that your relationship with WarMan is relatively new. I know that with your husbands the relationships also moved VERY quickly, and while there's nothing wrong with that, it might just help calm everyone down a bit. WarMan and you both have your worries about availability, time management, being involved deeply enough in each others' lives, but you also haven't been dating that long. It sounds like you all are comfortable with him getting to a point where he's an equal with your husbands as another primary, and not secondary. That's awesome, but it doesn't happen over night. So.... deep breaths, and know that you have "awesomesauce" relationships, and as long as everyone is working toward a common goal you'll get there eventually!
 
I tell him whenever we have these sorts of conversations - "it's only been a short time!" It's ok. We will get there when we need to, when we need to, if we work at it, and we're all willing to do that. :)
 
It's completely understandable that non-poly people have those negative reactions, even if it's someone looking to stir the drama pot like your mom/sister. I'd be willing to venture there are poly people on this very board who raise an eyebrow at your potential 3 husband - 1 wife arrangement. It's certainly not typical, even by poly standards, lol.

It's your experience and no one else's that matters though. And you really do seem happy, based on your writing. :)
 
I'm sorry about your family, Bluebird :( This is not the same, but I have a female family member who is legally married to another woman. One section of my family refused to accept her wife (or by extension, their child.) Only she was invited to Christmas on that side. She sent a polite letter explaining that while she loves them all dearly and hoped everyone had a wonderful Christmas, she would have to decline the invitation as she would be spending the holidays with her wife and their new baby. It's been two years and she continues to not spend holidays with them. Sad, but it's their choice to miss out on her life!

Also, on the 20 minute commute, I totally understand! Blue & I live 30 miles apart. On non-overnight nights, the over an hour round trip makes a difference in the amount of time we have to spend together. I just keep reminding myself that it's temporary. We will be moving in together soonish :)
 
I tell him whenever we have these sorts of conversations - "it's only been a short time!" It's ok. We will get there when we need to, when we need to, if we work at it, and we're all willing to do that. :)

I would just like to point out that I too am always saying "Hey, this is way too early to talk about this yet, but if we did talk about it, what would it look like?"

It's not just that I'm crazy head over heels with NRE and you're having to put the brakes on me. The truth is closer to both of us being excited but cautious. Or at least that's how it seems to me.
 
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Hmmm I'm sorry if you think you come across as a nutter. It's very true we both speak cautiously. In all honesty, I want you here with me and I am looking forward to working toward strengthening our relationship so that can happen. <3
 
ERRRRRRAGH! growing pains here, y'all. PunkRock and I were at all sorts of odds and ends this morning and yesterday I was a wreck because of SuperBetter stress. I think everything is worked out now but I am emotionally fragile way too often lately.

I'm in between classes right now and eating lunch at home. My Biology kiddos are dissecting alligator arms today. The first session went rather well and everyone left with claws to make jewelry out of later. :) I have another group coming in at 1 pm, so I am trying to scarf down my burger and type here at the same time.

I don't even feel much like writing as I am exhausted with talking about stuff. Maybe later.
 
I am in a really good mood today. :)

I've been thinking a lot about the new tattoo I want to get in December. It's been in the nebulous planning phases for a while and for some reason I am really focused on it now. It's going to represent quantum entanglement, and both PunkRock and DarkKnight have discussed mirroring what I get, to show our connections. I have found some cool artwork online, but nothing matches perfectly with what I'd like.

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I really like the idea of some watercolor accents, but the actual main part of the tattoo being black and white. I want to show that our atoms are the same, but maybe have the electrons in opposite locations - some way to impart the idea of opposite spin states, without using positive and negative signs. Though not technically correct, I think it'd be clear if they were mirrors of each other, or similar in some way. Still thinking about it. It's fun!
 
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