Seems like Susan's boundaries are pretty blurred. She wants you to help her get flights to her new lover? I see that as tacky. Sometimes it takes a little while to let go and move on. Is that what you want to do? Move on or try the friends thing? Maybe you need a little NC to get things straight in your head.
Susan's boundaries are crazy blurred, but I don't think it's without merit.
When we started she had a long term boyfriend. We were both secondaries to each other. As time went on, I made her a higher and higher priority. I make life decisions based on her, but even then I have responsibilities that I cannot abandon. I don't think she's ever made life decisions based on my best interest, but I've never asked her to and she's never said she would. I cannot give her the sole focus of my affection that she craves, even if she craves it temporarily. We both know this.
Still, it's totally a situation where she wants the new boyfriend (I need a name, but I'll wait until late November) but she wants to keep seeing me too. She's told the new guy that I am very important to her, that she plans on seeing me as a friend, but didn't go into our romantic background.
She doesn't feel that anyone she would date would accept the poly lifestyle. That it would ruin her chance at that primary relationship she desires. To be fair, the kind of guy she is attracted to is one that has tons and tons of affection to give her. It is frustrating to not be able to do it. I know. That's me. If she was my primary, I don't know how happy I would be sharing either. Especially from a standstill.
For now, I've stopped making life decisions based on her. I'm not staying up late for her timezone. I've re-appropriated my vacation that was set aside for her. I'm pursuing other relationships. (I have a tentative lunch date! yay!)
But as far as the relationship, I don't have any logical reason we can't find a new level. We still love each other very much. She makes me happy. She is trying as hard as she ever has to make me feel desired and cared for.
I know it sounds weird for me to be helping her pick flights, but isn't that what you do for people you care for? Help them out when they need it? In the long term, I want her to know she can count on me. Kay has helped me with things regarding Susan a few times. Even with all this turmoil going on, she helped me find a little heart shaped jar that we are filling with Susan's favorite candy as a little Halloween gift. I think that took more effort than picking out a flight.