scarletzinnia
New member
So I got bit by the green-eyed monster really bad today, even though there really isn't anything to be jealous of, yet.
I am in a very long-term marriage with a man I adore and we have children together. I also love my OSO, whom I have been seeing for about a year. He's kind, caring, low drama, I get along great with his wife, love his kids, and the sex, at least for me, is off the charts. I typically see him one weekend a month, not usually the whole weekend, so time with him is precious for me. He is nine years younger than I am. Sometimes that makes me feel insecure. I think I look young for my age but he has all these geeky young-person interests that I do not share.
My OSO's feelings for me are not the same as mine for him. I told him I loved him this past July, after nine months together. He sighed and said he didn't feel the same way about me, that he liked me a lot and was open to love with me, but wasn't feeling it at that point. I told him that was OK, that I didn't expect us to attach to each other at exactly the same pace and at the same time. The situation made me feel that if he ever did fall in love with me, at least I'd know it was real and that he wasn't just saying it.
About six weeks ago, I took my OSO to a poly potluck run by a friend of mine. We both met a young woman there whom I will call GG. She and OSO seemed to have some common interests and spent time chatting. I estimate that she is at least 15 years his junior, maybe more.
So I pinged OSO on Facebook this morning and was surprised to learn that 1. he and GG have been emailing for the past five or six weeks ( I hadn't even known that they swapped contact info when they met), and 2. she was AT HIS HOUSE WHEN I CONTACTED HIM, hanging out with his wife and kids, and he was making her lunch! She had apparently offered to visit him on the way to the same potluck, found out he wasn't attending, and then decided to just visit him and skip the potluck altogether. She is not local to him either, we both live about three hours from him, give or take, so she drove six hours round trip to hang out with him today. Yet he is telling me that "a romance is unlikely."
I do not know what to make of this. The same weekend we met this young woman, he had told me that he didn't think he had time or money for a second girlfriend and that he was pretty happy with just me and his wife, which made me happy. I don't mind him having another partner per se, but I am terrified about being made less of a priority. I had that happen in all three of my past relationships, in different ways, and they did not survive that. And those three people all said they loved me. This partner does not.
Can someone talk me down from the ledge before I do or say something stupid to him? I feel that I wouldn't be worried about this at all if his feelings for me were the same as mine are for him. But they are not, and they may never be.
I am in a very long-term marriage with a man I adore and we have children together. I also love my OSO, whom I have been seeing for about a year. He's kind, caring, low drama, I get along great with his wife, love his kids, and the sex, at least for me, is off the charts. I typically see him one weekend a month, not usually the whole weekend, so time with him is precious for me. He is nine years younger than I am. Sometimes that makes me feel insecure. I think I look young for my age but he has all these geeky young-person interests that I do not share.
My OSO's feelings for me are not the same as mine for him. I told him I loved him this past July, after nine months together. He sighed and said he didn't feel the same way about me, that he liked me a lot and was open to love with me, but wasn't feeling it at that point. I told him that was OK, that I didn't expect us to attach to each other at exactly the same pace and at the same time. The situation made me feel that if he ever did fall in love with me, at least I'd know it was real and that he wasn't just saying it.
About six weeks ago, I took my OSO to a poly potluck run by a friend of mine. We both met a young woman there whom I will call GG. She and OSO seemed to have some common interests and spent time chatting. I estimate that she is at least 15 years his junior, maybe more.
So I pinged OSO on Facebook this morning and was surprised to learn that 1. he and GG have been emailing for the past five or six weeks ( I hadn't even known that they swapped contact info when they met), and 2. she was AT HIS HOUSE WHEN I CONTACTED HIM, hanging out with his wife and kids, and he was making her lunch! She had apparently offered to visit him on the way to the same potluck, found out he wasn't attending, and then decided to just visit him and skip the potluck altogether. She is not local to him either, we both live about three hours from him, give or take, so she drove six hours round trip to hang out with him today. Yet he is telling me that "a romance is unlikely."
I do not know what to make of this. The same weekend we met this young woman, he had told me that he didn't think he had time or money for a second girlfriend and that he was pretty happy with just me and his wife, which made me happy. I don't mind him having another partner per se, but I am terrified about being made less of a priority. I had that happen in all three of my past relationships, in different ways, and they did not survive that. And those three people all said they loved me. This partner does not.
Can someone talk me down from the ledge before I do or say something stupid to him? I feel that I wouldn't be worried about this at all if his feelings for me were the same as mine are for him. But they are not, and they may never be.
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