beecharmer
New member
Raise your hand if you are ready for this word vomit of a blog!
My name is Beecharmer but you can call me Bee for short. I have been married to Cubbie for 8 years (together 11) and we have two beautiful kids, E(8) and H(4).
Cubbie and I have had a very hard but happy life together. We have loss countless family members and have no support system other than each other. My parent's have both passed, as well as Cubbie's mom and grandparents who all extremely important in our lives and helped us grow into the people we are today.
Throughout the years and heartbreak Cubbie and I have fueled all our energy and attention into our two beautiful kids E and H. We haven't been on a date by ourselves in 5 years. We don't really trust anyone with our kids. Our relationship has suffered a lot. Slowly we became more like roommates than partners. We have always been wonderful friends and been supportive of one another but our relationship was losing it's spark.
Cubbie had a girl he went to high school with named Daphne and they would speak on facebook, a lot. After awhile it started concerning me as their comments to each other became increasingly flirtatious and deep. I worried that he may like her, as more than a friend. Cubbie and I have always been monogamous and very jealous of one another which I know is unhealthy. I tried to push down the feelings that did in fact like her. One day we were arguing and I said to him "If you weren't with me you would be with Daphne." He didn't say anything and it was at that moment that I knew he liked her.
I started a new job and I made a lot of friends. One of them was Jay. On the first day of working with one another he came up to me and asked he how long I had been married and then proceeded to tell me he had been in relationships with married women before that worked with us. It felt very obvious that he was hoping, I would do the same. I quickly told him I was loyal to my husband. After that we would still talk but I did find myself attracted to him in some way. I tend to be attracted to unhealthy people. I like people who hurt me. I don't know why. I recognize that this is extremely concerning. Jay and I have that type of dynamic. We would goes days with ignoring each other at work, if one of us pissed off the other in some way. Meanwhile, he would be chasing after every new girl that walked through the door. He got enjoyment out of telling me who he found "hot" and if he hooked up with someone. I would just listen but not say much.
One day I took a leap and texted Cubbie at work telling him that I felt we should open our relationship. He was very hurt at first. He was also confused. I have always appreciated honesty, though. I felt it was important to say it. I could feel us drifting apart and seeking comfort from others. That day we talk a lot, about everything. It was the best conversation we had, had in years. We talked about our relationship and where we had went wrong over the years. We talk about how we could fix us. We talked about Daphne and Jay. We realized we needed to really work on us. We started getting away from the internet so much and really trying to spend more time with each other. We spiced up our bedroom life.We also went through some jealousy. We worked through it. I think a lot of it revolved around our insecurities.
I am really happy with were we are right now.
We did go back and forth with opening our relationship. We are most worried about our children and would this decision affect them in some way? Could we damage our relationship and cause a broken home? It is a lot of pressure. We both always put them first and the idea of somehow hurting them is too much to bear. Ultimately, though we have decided to dip our toes into this idea. We have realized a lot, though.
Jay is totally the wrong person, for me. He is way too unhealthy for me. I have cut off contact with him. We do still work with each other, though. What caused this? Well I was joking telling him I was going to meet up with another coworker. Jay then gave me this sob story about how he had no friends and all of our coworkers should hang out sometime. I told him that would be fun and that I would set it up. I started asking him about details and he ignored me. Then started posting these vague things about how people are unsupportive, ect. I decided it was best just to end all contact and move forward because if I persue him I know it will end badly and I have to work with him. He has been making all efforts to follow me at work and to just randomly be there but I have ceased any communication.
All the while this was going on Daphne's ex boyfriend of 10 years passed away. They weren't together but I am sure it has been very hard for her because she was a huge part in her life and was like a dad to her daughter. She is a very hot and cold person in general. I feel like she does like Cubbie but will suddenly stop talking to him and then suddenly will start, again. Almost as if she feels guilty because he is a married man. Speaking of which, we haven't told anyone in our lives about this potential change. So it appears as if we are still a monogamous couple.
We have created accounts on dating sites, though, being upfront about the fact that we are married and are thinking about the poly lifestyle. I am talking to one guy named Leo. He is really nice. He genuinely wants to get to know me. We mostly just have a friendship and are learning about each other. We don't have any plans to meet up or anything. Cubbie is talking to a girl named Madison who he went to school with although they weren't friends in school and don't really know much about each other.
Okay. So what do we hope for our future in poly? We plan to each have a partner who we see outside of our family. We would never have them come to our house or meet our kids. Our kids wouldn't know. We may tell them about it once they were older and could understand more but for right now, we feel comfortable without them being around our kiddos.
We also don't know if/when we would tell people in our lives. I have told one of my close friend's who has been poly before. She has been a lot of help for both me and Cubbie. I have also told a female coworker who is in an open relationship. She is very trustworthy. Cubbie has told a close friend, as well.
Right now we are just talking to people and feel comfortable there. It is just baby steps right now.
My name is Beecharmer but you can call me Bee for short. I have been married to Cubbie for 8 years (together 11) and we have two beautiful kids, E(8) and H(4).
Cubbie and I have had a very hard but happy life together. We have loss countless family members and have no support system other than each other. My parent's have both passed, as well as Cubbie's mom and grandparents who all extremely important in our lives and helped us grow into the people we are today.
Throughout the years and heartbreak Cubbie and I have fueled all our energy and attention into our two beautiful kids E and H. We haven't been on a date by ourselves in 5 years. We don't really trust anyone with our kids. Our relationship has suffered a lot. Slowly we became more like roommates than partners. We have always been wonderful friends and been supportive of one another but our relationship was losing it's spark.
Cubbie had a girl he went to high school with named Daphne and they would speak on facebook, a lot. After awhile it started concerning me as their comments to each other became increasingly flirtatious and deep. I worried that he may like her, as more than a friend. Cubbie and I have always been monogamous and very jealous of one another which I know is unhealthy. I tried to push down the feelings that did in fact like her. One day we were arguing and I said to him "If you weren't with me you would be with Daphne." He didn't say anything and it was at that moment that I knew he liked her.
I started a new job and I made a lot of friends. One of them was Jay. On the first day of working with one another he came up to me and asked he how long I had been married and then proceeded to tell me he had been in relationships with married women before that worked with us. It felt very obvious that he was hoping, I would do the same. I quickly told him I was loyal to my husband. After that we would still talk but I did find myself attracted to him in some way. I tend to be attracted to unhealthy people. I like people who hurt me. I don't know why. I recognize that this is extremely concerning. Jay and I have that type of dynamic. We would goes days with ignoring each other at work, if one of us pissed off the other in some way. Meanwhile, he would be chasing after every new girl that walked through the door. He got enjoyment out of telling me who he found "hot" and if he hooked up with someone. I would just listen but not say much.
One day I took a leap and texted Cubbie at work telling him that I felt we should open our relationship. He was very hurt at first. He was also confused. I have always appreciated honesty, though. I felt it was important to say it. I could feel us drifting apart and seeking comfort from others. That day we talk a lot, about everything. It was the best conversation we had, had in years. We talked about our relationship and where we had went wrong over the years. We talk about how we could fix us. We talked about Daphne and Jay. We realized we needed to really work on us. We started getting away from the internet so much and really trying to spend more time with each other. We spiced up our bedroom life.We also went through some jealousy. We worked through it. I think a lot of it revolved around our insecurities.
I am really happy with were we are right now.
We did go back and forth with opening our relationship. We are most worried about our children and would this decision affect them in some way? Could we damage our relationship and cause a broken home? It is a lot of pressure. We both always put them first and the idea of somehow hurting them is too much to bear. Ultimately, though we have decided to dip our toes into this idea. We have realized a lot, though.
Jay is totally the wrong person, for me. He is way too unhealthy for me. I have cut off contact with him. We do still work with each other, though. What caused this? Well I was joking telling him I was going to meet up with another coworker. Jay then gave me this sob story about how he had no friends and all of our coworkers should hang out sometime. I told him that would be fun and that I would set it up. I started asking him about details and he ignored me. Then started posting these vague things about how people are unsupportive, ect. I decided it was best just to end all contact and move forward because if I persue him I know it will end badly and I have to work with him. He has been making all efforts to follow me at work and to just randomly be there but I have ceased any communication.
All the while this was going on Daphne's ex boyfriend of 10 years passed away. They weren't together but I am sure it has been very hard for her because she was a huge part in her life and was like a dad to her daughter. She is a very hot and cold person in general. I feel like she does like Cubbie but will suddenly stop talking to him and then suddenly will start, again. Almost as if she feels guilty because he is a married man. Speaking of which, we haven't told anyone in our lives about this potential change. So it appears as if we are still a monogamous couple.
We have created accounts on dating sites, though, being upfront about the fact that we are married and are thinking about the poly lifestyle. I am talking to one guy named Leo. He is really nice. He genuinely wants to get to know me. We mostly just have a friendship and are learning about each other. We don't have any plans to meet up or anything. Cubbie is talking to a girl named Madison who he went to school with although they weren't friends in school and don't really know much about each other.
Okay. So what do we hope for our future in poly? We plan to each have a partner who we see outside of our family. We would never have them come to our house or meet our kids. Our kids wouldn't know. We may tell them about it once they were older and could understand more but for right now, we feel comfortable without them being around our kiddos.
We also don't know if/when we would tell people in our lives. I have told one of my close friend's who has been poly before. She has been a lot of help for both me and Cubbie. I have also told a female coworker who is in an open relationship. She is very trustworthy. Cubbie has told a close friend, as well.
Right now we are just talking to people and feel comfortable there. It is just baby steps right now.