I'm presently having a feeling I've only had three times in my life.
The first time was maybe 15 years ago, when my first lover surfaced at my band's show shortly after a painful breakup. The second time was a few weeks ago, again in the presence of a lover who broke my heart. And the third time is now, a few hours before I am going to help her celebrate her life-commitment to her remaining partner.
I could use some help identifying and dealing with this feeling.
It feels like overwhelming anxiety, but it's different. Usually anxiety manifests more in my neck and shoulders. This is very much concentrated in my stomach. It feels like someone tried to smash my heart and intestines with a tire iron. I want to lay down and throw up.
So it's physically different, but there's also a cognitive difference: I have no reason to be anxious, and there are no anxious thoughts attached to this feeling. It's just an overpowering physical reaction to seeing her (or the idea of seeing her soon).
Has anyone else experienced this? Is there a word for it? And anything helpful I can do about it? I feel a strong need to be present for her at this important life event, but I also feel so exhausted and unwell I don't know if I'll be able to go.
The first time was maybe 15 years ago, when my first lover surfaced at my band's show shortly after a painful breakup. The second time was a few weeks ago, again in the presence of a lover who broke my heart. And the third time is now, a few hours before I am going to help her celebrate her life-commitment to her remaining partner.
I could use some help identifying and dealing with this feeling.
It feels like overwhelming anxiety, but it's different. Usually anxiety manifests more in my neck and shoulders. This is very much concentrated in my stomach. It feels like someone tried to smash my heart and intestines with a tire iron. I want to lay down and throw up.
So it's physically different, but there's also a cognitive difference: I have no reason to be anxious, and there are no anxious thoughts attached to this feeling. It's just an overpowering physical reaction to seeing her (or the idea of seeing her soon).
Has anyone else experienced this? Is there a word for it? And anything helpful I can do about it? I feel a strong need to be present for her at this important life event, but I also feel so exhausted and unwell I don't know if I'll be able to go.