Starheart
New member
Hi, all. I'm new to this site. Firstly, apologies if I do anything incorrectly here - I'm not well-versed in forum etiquette yet but I will try my best. I will really appreciate guidance from those of you gracious enough to give that. Additionally, I have trouble expressing myself, verbally and in writing, and also with reading, due to a mix of mental disabilities and illnesses including dyslexia, ADHD, and autism. I tend to word things really inefficiently and in roundabout ways because of having a difficult time thinking clearly. It's like my brain is always in a thick fog. Hopefully I will still make sense to others here.
On to my actual introduction:
I'm 23, and I've been in a committed relationship for nearly 4 years. It is my first in-person relationship. Before that, my first relationship was LDR and mostly online, and I was with that first person for 2 years. That first relationship was very real to me, but having a connection with somebody in-person brings a very new level of relation (the ability to have physical intimacy, to communicate via nonverbals, to live together, be domestic, and all that goes along with that...).
I'm nonbinary, meaning that I'm not a guy or a girl, so it's difficult to define my sexuality. (I'm also intersex, so it confuses things on a physical level as well.) Despite telling others that I was for years and years, I've never been straight - just in significant denial. (7 years of Catholic school and bullying didn't help with that a bit.) I'm not sure if gay or bi suits me better; I'm still trying to iron out what exactly my preferences are, and I can't even be sure they will remain the same.
I only have experience with monogamy. I've been cheated on.
My partner is bi. He has been in a triad before, but it wasn't very healthy. They were in high school and didn't have the emotional maturity and communication skills that polyamory requires.
My partner and I have had some rough patches, and have some relationship problems (not sharing physical affection or intimacy anymore, and other things). He says he is wired for polyamory. I have an interest in it, and have thought about polyamory since childhood, but I am frustrated. I know that polyamory takes hard work and a solid foundation. Ours is shaky. Polyamory won't be some sort of quick fix like he seems to suggest it might. If we are having problems, opening up will add complications that will require us to be more connected with ourselves and each other than we are currently. I want things between us to get better, but I don't want to try seeing another person until we have our own problems resolved. Yet I feel as though he won't have the spark that this requires unless we open things up. He lights up at the prospect of opening our relationship; I haven't seen him so enthusiastic about us otherwise in years, and that hurts me. I want to be good enough for him. I'm starting to feel the pressure that I have to open our relationship if I want to see any progress. Additionally, I don't want anybody to feel like they are only involved with either or both of us to fix us. I want any potential partner to feel loved and cared about for who they are, not what they are for us. I want everyone involved to feel whole, and loved, and I feel that branching out is to add and expand that sense of love and wholeness. Not to fix the problems of a couple. I am worried that my partner is not ready for polyamory, even though it's becoming increasingly clear he's not really interested in anything else. Sometimes I think neither of us are ready for the trials of relationships, period.
I am here because I am looking for community, support, advice, stories, etc. It is hard to know what feelings are genuine (and healthy) desires, which feelings are what society has programmed us to have, and which feelings/desires arise from unhealthy mechanisms within ourselves. I think exploring and interacting with others is a good way to help discern what we truly are looking for in our hearts, and to not do things greedily, self-sabotage, or blindly follow the paths that society deems correct for us to our detriment. Hopefully here I will have those discussions and that room to explore what it is that my heart needs and wants.
Basically I want to gather information etc to learn the best way to go about this, or to figure out if it's even right for me/us at all.
Thank you, take care. I hope to hear from some of you soon.
On to my actual introduction:
I'm 23, and I've been in a committed relationship for nearly 4 years. It is my first in-person relationship. Before that, my first relationship was LDR and mostly online, and I was with that first person for 2 years. That first relationship was very real to me, but having a connection with somebody in-person brings a very new level of relation (the ability to have physical intimacy, to communicate via nonverbals, to live together, be domestic, and all that goes along with that...).
I'm nonbinary, meaning that I'm not a guy or a girl, so it's difficult to define my sexuality. (I'm also intersex, so it confuses things on a physical level as well.) Despite telling others that I was for years and years, I've never been straight - just in significant denial. (7 years of Catholic school and bullying didn't help with that a bit.) I'm not sure if gay or bi suits me better; I'm still trying to iron out what exactly my preferences are, and I can't even be sure they will remain the same.
I only have experience with monogamy. I've been cheated on.
My partner is bi. He has been in a triad before, but it wasn't very healthy. They were in high school and didn't have the emotional maturity and communication skills that polyamory requires.
My partner and I have had some rough patches, and have some relationship problems (not sharing physical affection or intimacy anymore, and other things). He says he is wired for polyamory. I have an interest in it, and have thought about polyamory since childhood, but I am frustrated. I know that polyamory takes hard work and a solid foundation. Ours is shaky. Polyamory won't be some sort of quick fix like he seems to suggest it might. If we are having problems, opening up will add complications that will require us to be more connected with ourselves and each other than we are currently. I want things between us to get better, but I don't want to try seeing another person until we have our own problems resolved. Yet I feel as though he won't have the spark that this requires unless we open things up. He lights up at the prospect of opening our relationship; I haven't seen him so enthusiastic about us otherwise in years, and that hurts me. I want to be good enough for him. I'm starting to feel the pressure that I have to open our relationship if I want to see any progress. Additionally, I don't want anybody to feel like they are only involved with either or both of us to fix us. I want any potential partner to feel loved and cared about for who they are, not what they are for us. I want everyone involved to feel whole, and loved, and I feel that branching out is to add and expand that sense of love and wholeness. Not to fix the problems of a couple. I am worried that my partner is not ready for polyamory, even though it's becoming increasingly clear he's not really interested in anything else. Sometimes I think neither of us are ready for the trials of relationships, period.
I am here because I am looking for community, support, advice, stories, etc. It is hard to know what feelings are genuine (and healthy) desires, which feelings are what society has programmed us to have, and which feelings/desires arise from unhealthy mechanisms within ourselves. I think exploring and interacting with others is a good way to help discern what we truly are looking for in our hearts, and to not do things greedily, self-sabotage, or blindly follow the paths that society deems correct for us to our detriment. Hopefully here I will have those discussions and that room to explore what it is that my heart needs and wants.
Basically I want to gather information etc to learn the best way to go about this, or to figure out if it's even right for me/us at all.
Thank you, take care. I hope to hear from some of you soon.