Me again.
Had a talk with wife and she has some points from her childhood phase in a big mono family with a violent cheating father.
The mother was totally dependent on a not at least with a minimum of respect behaving man and had no support net anywhere and 7 children.
(sorry english is not my native language)
I showed her (asssuring her before that i hurt her feelings now on purpuose and that i do not mean what i say) that the "blackmail" sentence "if you do not allow me to fuck other women, i will go!" is the trigger she has deep in her and was the "string" her father pulled on her mother.
Lot of tears, stories, hugging, kissing. She has deep emotional wounds down there.
Now Question:
Better to heal the wounds with the possible new Metamour or better to heal her before?
Might be we lose the "Momentum" if we all wait for her to heal, there are allways "time windows" in attraction?
Books i read to make the transition smooth say "never build something on a foundation with cracks in it (?native language prob, hope you understand)" but - this house on our side has been solid for more than 35 years. Even with the small cracks.
The possible metamour we want to attach has a relationship (she tells, he is ok with this) and had a breakup and a complicated father situation as well.
What are ways?
I need some "mental sparring partner" to sort my confused mind away from forcing them in a wrong way or come into a situation where my conflict solving abilities are not capable.
Had a talk with wife and she has some points from her childhood phase in a big mono family with a violent cheating father.
The mother was totally dependent on a not at least with a minimum of respect behaving man and had no support net anywhere and 7 children.
(sorry english is not my native language)
I showed her (asssuring her before that i hurt her feelings now on purpuose and that i do not mean what i say) that the "blackmail" sentence "if you do not allow me to fuck other women, i will go!" is the trigger she has deep in her and was the "string" her father pulled on her mother.
Lot of tears, stories, hugging, kissing. She has deep emotional wounds down there.
Now Question:
Better to heal the wounds with the possible new Metamour or better to heal her before?
Might be we lose the "Momentum" if we all wait for her to heal, there are allways "time windows" in attraction?
Books i read to make the transition smooth say "never build something on a foundation with cracks in it (?native language prob, hope you understand)" but - this house on our side has been solid for more than 35 years. Even with the small cracks.
The possible metamour we want to attach has a relationship (she tells, he is ok with this) and had a breakup and a complicated father situation as well.
What are ways?
I need some "mental sparring partner" to sort my confused mind away from forcing them in a wrong way or come into a situation where my conflict solving abilities are not capable.
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