I`ll be honest, from what you`ve said, I`m getting red flags about both H and R. H due to the PDA, and R due to her inability to initiate.
Both can take on different forms of insensitivity, I think. H may be very expansive toward you (which, like you, I find exciting), but she`ll neither protect your feelings nor privacy.
In other words, she calls it polyamory, but the amorousness is lacking. It doesn`t surprise me she now identifies as monogamous even though she`s sleeping with 3 guys.
Perhaps, the reason why she hasn`t defined boundaries between you, is that she doesn`t want any as she doesn`t have any feelings for you. You might just be a lay, so long as you`re willing to dangle on her string. If she were so concerned about her reputation, why would she kiss you in front of everyone?
And, in R, it may be a case in which she`s constantly witholding something. I have had painful experiences in that regard. It almost seems as if, I am interchangeable to people who don`t initiate. In other words, whomever initiates gets their heart. Whomever doesn`t, don`t. Regardless of who you are, or your personal qualities.
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I must admit to having a trigger reaction to NovemberRain`s post about letting men take the initiative. Like the OP, I feel the need that women are participant in the initiation process, and even when I initiate, I`d like to feel the woman can do the same for me.
Yet, I have to admit to being very careful with women who are outgoing and expansive, precisely for the reason you`re dealing with now.
A lot of times, I`ve had all that effusive initiating energy from women withdrawn just as quickly, and that is why I sometimes reject female advances until I am convinced they will be sustained and consistent.
So, both extremes. The initiating extreme, and the non-initiating extremes can turn out to be a regular cocktease.