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  #131  
Old 10-21-2015, 02:32 PM
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FallenAngelina FallenAngelina is offline
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Originally Posted by Emm View Post
*waves* Now you do.
Me, too.

I am married, but now emotionally and sexually separated (living with my husband and kids) so "secondary" is what I have to offer. I have a lovely FWB relationship of one year and two more intimate-feeling new relationships. I don't hammer out rules and limits and I certainly don't ever use the word "secondary" but I do keep very well aware of how these relationships feel to me. I would love for one of my new relationships to evolve into a "primary-in-my-heart" because I don't have one at the moment, but for now I am happy with "I have a few beautiful lovers." For me, the line between FWB and lovers is very blurry on purpose.
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Last edited by FallenAngelina; 10-21-2015 at 02:35 PM.
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  #132  
Old 10-22-2015, 10:58 PM
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Regarding the age thing...

When Cat and I got together she was just turning 30. When I became her "primary" she decided she wanted monogamy. She never had kids and never wanted to. She just wanted to settle down. I guess that was the age to do that, for her.
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  #133  
Old 10-24-2015, 09:37 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Originally Posted by FallenAngelina View Post
Me, too.

I am married, but now emotionally and sexually separated (living with my husband and kids) so "secondary" is what I have to offer. I have a lovely FWB relationship of one year and two more intimate-feeling new relationships. I don't hammer out rules and limits and I certainly don't ever use the word "secondary" but I do keep very well aware of how these relationships feel to me. I would love for one of my new relationships to evolve into a "primary-in-my-heart" because I don't have one at the moment, but for now I am happy with "I have a few beautiful lovers." For me, the line between FWB and lovers is very blurry on purpose.
Hi to you too in that case.

This is also lovely to read about. Especially that you are able to co-parent and get along with your husband even though you have decided to separate. So inspiring. Thank you for writing.
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  #134  
Old 10-24-2015, 05:26 PM
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Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility View Post
Thank you for writing.
My pleasure, IP. One thing that I find essential in living the life of a "secondary" is to not get focused on "enough time" with any one person. Feeling good about someone is due to so very many factors, having "enough time" just being one - and I would argue, a pretty minor one at that. Time and number of hours spent is not what makes a relationship beautiful. Feeling loved, appreciated, wanted is not dependent on how much the other proves that he loves, appreciates and wants, but on how I think about myself. Not having all the time in the world with someone (anyone) kinda forces me to appreciate the time that I do get to spend and appreciate what we can share. Feeling loved and wanted is about my perspective and doesn't really have too much to do with the extent to which I'm domestically enmeshed with someone or how many hours I have with that person. Love can expand or contract independent of time. We have all experienced this, yet somehow we equate "more time" with "more love" and truly, that's just not so.
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Last edited by FallenAngelina; 10-24-2015 at 05:29 PM.
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  #135  
Old 11-04-2015, 07:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Suggested list of titles for people you have sex and/or romance with, starting with the least emotional/life involvement and proceeding down to the most emotional/life involvement:
  • one night stands,
  • fuck buddies,
  • friends with benefits,
  • lovers,
  • lover friends,
  • boyfriends and girlfriends,
  • steady boyfriends and girlfriends,
  • partners,
  • fiancés and fiancées,
  • spouses and heart spouses.
Yes?

Presumably, anything above boyfriend/girlfriend (on the list) is *not* a relationship, while anything below lover friends (on the list) *is* a relationship.
Wow.

I honestly think of friendships as relationships, whether or not they are sexual or romantic. My closest platonic friends are no less important to me than my "romantic" partner of twenty years -- and I am most definitely in relationship with these dear ones. I neither understand nor participate in the very common usage of the term "relationship" in which the word signifies a specific kind level of commitment in a strictly romantic relationship.
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  #136  
Old 11-04-2015, 07:49 PM
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That list was interesting, but it's hard to have labels that rigid. For instance, I had a very dear female friend in high school. We were mostly platonic, but screwed on occasion. So we were fuck buddies and lifelong friends up until she died. I would call that a relationship.
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  #137  
Old 11-05-2015, 01:54 AM
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I think the meaning of "relationship" depends on the context.
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  #138  
Old 11-05-2015, 02:21 PM
KC43 KC43 is offline
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A lot of people use "relationship" as shorthand for "romantic relationship," because most other types of relationships have other names, like friendship, family, etc. Maybe it's because not enough coffee yet this morning (spent my usual coffee time helping Country scramble to finish an essay due today), but I can't think of any English word offhand that means "romantic relationship" as opposed to any other type.
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  #139  
Old 11-05-2015, 08:10 PM
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Yep, that's kind of where I was headed.
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