Well, Pixi and I spent a couple more hours talking about this last night. And it sucks this is happened now, because she really loved her dog, who was 17, and she's in mourning. And now I am mourning my relationship with Kahlo. I feel bad to be mourning a relationship of only 9 months when she is mourning a relationship of 17 years. But she's still being great, as she always is. Very supportive and loving.
I had a cry last night. Pixi was crying about her dog, I was crying about Kahlo being so obtuse and such a jackass.
I really wanted a boyfriend right now, since Pixi works at her camp out of state most of the summer. She can get a day a week off to come home, and I can go visit her too, but there will be empty days. In a way, it's good the old sick dog passed away since that won't be a factor, I won't have to deal with her illnesses and decrepitude and meds alone. And dog care won't be a problem now when I get in the car and drive up to New Hampshire to visit Pixi. She's been promoted and will even have a private cabin now.
Pixi is not bent out of shape by the ass grabbing in particular. She thinks it was wrong, of course, but she's not traumatised by it. She's leaving it up to me what to do. She is willing to give Kahlo forgiveness, the benefit of the doubt as to mistakes made on all sides, and a pass for being otherwise a nice guy. Weird? Yes. But we are kinda weird too, in our ways. Though we are more ethical. But we understand poly. Kahlo does not.
But me? I am feeling more and more upset that he focused on her so much the last couple months, and neglected me. When I think about it, I feel used and objectified. Like, he used my body for a few months, but then set me aside to go after fresh meat. And used me as a relief valve from when he got excited over Pixi. I had even told him this, that I was used to relieve his arousal from playing cat and mouse with Pixi, and he denied it, and maybe he wasn't even aware of it, but it seems quite obvious.
I don't see how I can go on. I can forgive him, but I don't trust him and I don't really desire to be touched by him anymore.
He friend zoned me to go after my girlfriend, who did not welcome his advances. Finally he convinced himself her ass was up for grabs when it would have been obvious to anyone not crazed with lust that she was fast asleep and couldn't consent.
It's funny, the other night when he was here and we talked for hours, I was telling him about Ginger and what an abusive narcissist he turned out to be. And Kahlo was all, yeah, I've had run-ins with narcissists too. They are so nice one minute, and then suddenly turn on you and start treating you like shit.
Pot kettle?
I had a cry last night. Pixi was crying about her dog, I was crying about Kahlo being so obtuse and such a jackass.
I really wanted a boyfriend right now, since Pixi works at her camp out of state most of the summer. She can get a day a week off to come home, and I can go visit her too, but there will be empty days. In a way, it's good the old sick dog passed away since that won't be a factor, I won't have to deal with her illnesses and decrepitude and meds alone. And dog care won't be a problem now when I get in the car and drive up to New Hampshire to visit Pixi. She's been promoted and will even have a private cabin now.
Pixi is not bent out of shape by the ass grabbing in particular. She thinks it was wrong, of course, but she's not traumatised by it. She's leaving it up to me what to do. She is willing to give Kahlo forgiveness, the benefit of the doubt as to mistakes made on all sides, and a pass for being otherwise a nice guy. Weird? Yes. But we are kinda weird too, in our ways. Though we are more ethical. But we understand poly. Kahlo does not.
But me? I am feeling more and more upset that he focused on her so much the last couple months, and neglected me. When I think about it, I feel used and objectified. Like, he used my body for a few months, but then set me aside to go after fresh meat. And used me as a relief valve from when he got excited over Pixi. I had even told him this, that I was used to relieve his arousal from playing cat and mouse with Pixi, and he denied it, and maybe he wasn't even aware of it, but it seems quite obvious.
I don't see how I can go on. I can forgive him, but I don't trust him and I don't really desire to be touched by him anymore.
He friend zoned me to go after my girlfriend, who did not welcome his advances. Finally he convinced himself her ass was up for grabs when it would have been obvious to anyone not crazed with lust that she was fast asleep and couldn't consent.
It's funny, the other night when he was here and we talked for hours, I was telling him about Ginger and what an abusive narcissist he turned out to be. And Kahlo was all, yeah, I've had run-ins with narcissists too. They are so nice one minute, and then suddenly turn on you and start treating you like shit.
Pot kettle?