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  #11  
Old 08-26-2014, 05:29 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by alibabe_muse View Post
Ugh. I don't think I'm poly. I'm not sure how one "decides" that they are capable of loving more than one or not. A year ago I felt that I was.
Many people are capable of loving more than one, but not necessarily good at juggling all the extra responsibilities that come with being actively living a poly life.

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Yet in retrospect, I know bassman and I needed to work on us. Hindsight does me no good now.
I disagree - It's hard to see how bad things are really getting until they are unbearable. Start counseling and work on your relationship and your family. Accept that there were "Oh Shit! We really screwed up" moments and work together on how to avoid the same mistakes in the past.

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Also my kids have been affected badly by poly.
This statement annoys the crap out of me. It wasn't poly that affected your kids badly, but how you and Bassman handled the situation and added stress. I have seen the exact same disconnect and damage to the family when people are too involved in activities away from the family, be it church, scouts, PTA, work, sports, etc. I literally had the same complaints about my husband when he was off to scout meetings/activities 4 days a week and 3 out of 4 weekends a month. He said he was doing it "for the boys", but the boys were unhappy because he never had attention for just them, it was always the group or someone else and he was never home. I had similar feelings as a kid when my mom was overly committed to the PTA, she missed the time after my graduation where we were could take pictures and talk to people, because she was transporting people that had been there as entertainment for graduation. What sticks in my head is that I didn't get any pictures with her and she wasn't around after the ceremony - for years I resented it, even if it wasn't fair to her.

Is it time for drastic changes? YES!!!! Your kid has been telling you that things must change. Will you be able to live a poly life while trying to raise your kids? Unknown, obviously not the way you have been doing it. From my experience, a third party is the best route. It's also the quickest way to find a workable solution. Many times, it's just a matter of restructuring priorities. Sometimes even small changes can make phenomenal differences.
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  #12  
Old 08-28-2014, 10:47 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Originally Posted by alibabe_muse View Post

Also my kids have been affected badly by poly.
This sentence here bothered me too. The way you and Bassman have handled poly affected your children badly.

Poly has had a positive effect on my children. They have gained a whole new family including grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins from poly. Who have embraced them with NOTHING but love. Murf's mother dotes on them as much as her biological grandchildren and more than my mother who hasn't given two shits about my kids in years if ever.

They have gained a father figure whom they feel extremely close to and who they can go to to talk when they can't talk to Mom and Dad. He has given them things Butch and I cannot.

Their needs have been put first from the get go not the need to get my rocks off. We haven't allowed NRE to be an excuse for bad behavior.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #13  
Old 08-30-2014, 07:27 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Default wrong way to phrase

Hmm...I don't think poly is bad for kids in general, just the issues in my marriage, that came from poly, have affected the youngest and it's not just poly, but a ton of things that has caused some regressive patterns for her. She's now back in daycare, which her big sis has been taking care of her and her older brother, but not having much interactions with kiddos her own age has caused princess to act out lately. My form of poly, that hasn't affected her. All my choices have been based on what is best for the kids, not me, which is why I have no S.O. as the hubs does.

And he has realized choices and resentment did no one any good, including himself. I'm still thinking he was going through a midlife crisis. Making all these rash decisions etc.

But all in all, life with us is getting better. More communication. Although I'm still aggravated about the players in this W I'm at the end of. Posts I made back on July 25th created a big discord between hub and I last night. He was "angry" with the information that was told to him. HaHaHa...so you know that game "telephone"...If bassman wants to know what I wrote under that other username, he should go read it himself...not be informed by wild orchid, who was informed by her spouse what I wrote during a very emotional traumatic time in my life. It goes back to a statement I quoted that bassman said to me. I didn't make it up at all...but as I said on my original blog here near the end...he doesn't remember spoken words and doesn't remember what he said to me when he veto'd Jim and I insisted if he's doing a veto, than he needs to end his relationship with wild orchid if he's going to do that to me.

I'm not going to apologize to anyone for writing here. I will not stop writing here either but I'm getting fucking sick and tired of metamour's spouse and her too using shit I write to cause problems between bassman and myself. It's getting ridiculously tiring.

So when I was off to the store last night wild orchid contacts hub about that statement he said I wrote there. Bassman than became "angry" with me. I completely sensed it when I got home but didn't know what was up. Then he has me look at a comment he made on fb to our nephew and I see wild orchid's text flash across the top..with words of "compassion".

If this woman has a problem with something I write...then please FUCKING contact me first before running your nose in between bassman and I. How grown up are we? Wait...wild orchid's hub is 49 and she's 48 and I just don't get this high school shit from adults that say they've been poly for 16 years now. I think metamour's hub needs to grow some balls and man up. He has his girlfriend living in their home, his relationship with his wife has changed by his own behaviors and he can't stop trying to end wild orchid and bassman's relationship. That's just pure stupidness. Hahaha...and to wild orchid's kids that read this...GROW UP TOO! Your parent's have been living this lifestyle while they raised you and now that daddy can't accept mommy having true feelings for another man...he's loosing his shit. I just want that shit to stay out of my life, please.

Okay so I'm still upset by this from last night. I can feel it in my tone above and yeah, I'm mad. Like bassman said last night...he wishes he never said anything to me. My response before he said that was "I'm sick and tired of every single time we (bassman and I) start healing and growing, wild orchid has to fuck it up with this shit or with some "need" of being sad because her spouse doesn't have any balls...(bassman said she isn't a cowgirl)...well than what the hell was she doing tonight instead of contacting me first"?

And bassman thinks all 5 of us hanging out will "fix" this crap yeah right. When parties are not willing there's no point in forcing anyone to hang out.

Onto good stuff
Yesterday was my last day with the cpa firm. There was some drinks and beers and I cranked out 16 tax returns before I boxed up my stuff to head home. I'll miss them but I know I will love my new job just as much. Actually, my new job is a former employer. I start Tuesday.

Aussie guy...well aussie guy wants to talk on the phone a lot. I'm okay with it, but I still haven't met him yet. He's almost too good to be true. And that's the crux...I don't know if he's "real". He offered to help me out of debt. Asked me how much and said no problem.

I feel so weird hearing someone say that to me. I'm not a gold digger and that's not why I'm interested in him at all. He says he feels a strong connection to me. I just want to meet in person to see/experience if there is really a connection or not.

Back to the calls...I prefer texts more until I actually meet/know someone. It's easier for me when I get home from work and am doing those nightly parent duties. I really don't have the free time every night to talk for over an hour. Yes he and I talk for almost 2 hours some times. Hearing his voice though...it does give me a warmth and soothes me.

Which reminds me, I think he deserves a call today. We haven't chatted on the phone since Tuesday during drive from work to get kids from daycare.
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