But one need not be a brazen extrovert to be a Domme, nor must one be a sadist or into certain kinds of play. Every single aspect of such things is completely negotiable, as it should be.
In my meanderings in learning more and more about female domination, I can't say I subscribe to any one tenant. There does seem to be some very specific types. Which, considering humanity, is bound to happen.
I believe individual negotiation is vital to expression and exploration. The difficulty is being thrown into those specific types based upon very little information. As humans, we love to categorize and label. That is where I am treading and trying to find my personal comfort zone.
Too often a label is applied with a broad stroke and its difficult to see the individual inside. Yet, how true is that in life? Happens more than not.
I don't think anyone has to be any ONE way in order to part of a community or identify with a community. I have trouble when it is applied to me.
Example, when I say I am polyamorous and the automatic assumption and categorization is "swinger." I am not a swinger but the connotation is there.
With the female domination, domme or femdom is applied and with it specific connotations. Some I am comfortable with, some not. Leather, not so much. Being the one who directs, who disciplines, that I like. Very much so.
Another example: My sexuality is more of a demisexuality. I want and need deep emotional connection to feel attraction. Yet, I know I can love more than one person. To some, it would seem a contradiction. To me, its just how I am wired. I also would love to meet a tall man who wears glasses and suits who I can dominate.
As a friend of mine once said, its always the quiet ones.
and I am motherly but fierce. One other woman I dated for a few months told me, "You are so gentle...! Except when you're not."*
I've been called The General. I am not motherly. I am soft and kind. Yet the word gentle I wouldn't apply to myself. A friend once described me as formal, direct yet compassionate. I tend to be emotionally disconnected until I know the person. I am more gregarious just because that's my personality type.
I am, as ever, amazed at how people view me.