Casual Sex - Discussion

How is that getting it or not getting it though immaterial?

Superjast is implying that some of us "don't get it." what are we not getting? That women can be empowered by their sexuality?

Actually redpepper, I didn`t imply anything. I said exactly what I meant. It was in direct response to madyln. I was thanking her.

Some people don`t get, ...that it`s a matter of perspective, where the control is at, and who has it.

Madyln made that clear with her examples. I thanked her for her comment.

Now enlighten me,.where on earth did the 'empowered by their sexuality' comment come from ?
 
Actually redpepper, I didn`t imply anything. I said exactly what I meant. It was in direct response to madyln. I was thanking her.

Some people don`t get, ...that it`s a matter of perspective, where the control is at, and who has it.

Madyln made that clear with her examples. I thanked her for her comment.

Now enlighten me,.where on earth did the 'empowered by their sexuality' comment come from ?

Ah, a matter of perspective. Got it. Yes, I liked what magdyln had to say too. I would add that one can be empowered just as easily while doing it missionary style, as a matter of perspective. Some women would be used in that situation and some would find that she reaches orgasm with the help of her partner. It depends on the perspective and situation.

It also depends on the perspective and situation when a woman is on top. Maybe it is because her guy thinks it hot but she is not into it.

To answer your question? I don't really know. I have to think on that. What the hell does empowered mean to anyone... What does it mean to me? Good question!
 
"I would add that one can be empowered just as easily while doing it missionary style, as a matter of perspective. "

Agreed.

Missionary, ...blowjobs,..doesn`t matter. It`s all in the manner in which it is taken. Who instigates, who decides, who directs.

Either gender is capable of doing the 'fucking'.

I won`t go into specifics, because I don`t care to provide jerk-off material. :D

If my pussy is just a 'receptacle' to someone, then lets all look at our receptacles in the wall, and remind ourselves where the power comes from.

It sure isn`t from that cord leading out of the appliance. :cool:


Now,..that me being cheeky, regarding this one-way-street mentality. That mentality can drive some of us more aggressive, well-rounded types, bonkers. :)

I`m really not trying to go overboard on the feminism, of course men have power and control, and women can adore that. Nothing wrong with it,..It can be very sexy, very hot.

It`s always on the individuals involved. Thats what makes each coupling so unique and interesting.

Of course someone, somewhere, will be thinking, I`m just fooling myself, 'thinking' that control and power-fucking are mine.

For that type of person,..I feel sorry you haven`t got to experience the 'other side'. :)

and apologies,..I was spelling 'Magdalyn' wrong.
 
okay, so in doing some research and giving it some thought... I came up with this quote to describe sexual empowerment borrowed from someone else, but I am in agreement,..... "Being comfortable and open about sex and our sexual selves. Not having to be active, not having to flash or use vulgar language or be explicit, but just feel comfortable enough that we're not afraid to express our feelings about such subjects, and not be embarrassed when someone else talks about it." It came from a great write up on it by a 20 year old, found at this site.... http://community.feministing.com/2009/04/some-thoughts-about-sexual-emp.html

She talks about what sexual empowerment is not to her and also me...what I fear we see more and more of in our culture..... "The idea that things like Girls Gone Wild is empowering to women. Yeah. Safe to say, it's not. But there's obviously enough liquor in the world to make enough girls think that for an hour or two, and it's championed by pretty much every advertiser and campaign that's used women's bodies to promote or sell their schtick ...."

I suppose this is the tip of the ice berg, but there is a start.
 
"The idea that things like Girls Gone Wild is empowering to women. Yeah. Safe to say, it's not. But there's obviously enough liquor in the world to make enough girls think that for an hour or two, and it's championed by pretty much every advertiser and campaign that's used women's bodies to promote or sell their schtick ...."

Perhaps that is why it is "girls Gone Wild" and not "Women Gone Wild". Women know this, some girls do not.
 
Perhaps that is why it is "girls Gone Wild" and not "Women Gone Wild". Women know this, some girls do not.

no, that's "girls" used in the derogatory form, as in "the girls at the office will take care of that for you," "the girls are going out for a girls night out."

We talked about this once, how I have never been on a "girls night out." It is not a part of my life to even suggest such and idea! :p

You and I have come from VERY different worlds, haven't we Mono.... you are as insane as I am to be with each other. It took a whole year to school you in proper ediquette around me... and still you stuck around, one feminist lesson after another... (and I don't mind saying feminsit, i'm taking it back! :D)

It all worked out, I have become a fan of making jokes of even the thought of going on a girls night out... as it would have much different connotations to the ones your wife went on! :eek:
 
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no, that's girls used in the derogatory form, as in "the girls at the office will take care of that for you," "the girls are going out for a girls night out."

I understood the derogatory nature of the title. That's what my comment was about. Regardless, yes we do come from different places. Terms that the women in your life find derogatory mean nothing to the women I was surrounded by.Why is that? Are they less informed or simply more confident?
 
casually burning them or formally burning them? Incantations included or a sort of carefree and agnostic non-ceremonial burning?

I think I have too much time on my hands.

Immaterial
 
I've always been a fan of casual sex. It can be really fulfilling for everyoe involved when it's handled right and everyone's respectful about it.

That said, i find myself less and less interested in it as I develop stronger and stronger bonds with my girls now. Even when we were 3, my interest in "outside" sex was waning, now that I have 3 ladies to keep my attentions, I find myself more and more romanticly inclined with them and less and less focused on sex period. Well, okay - as ufocused as I've ever been anyway, which is still pretty focused. And Adrian is a certifiable nympho, so it's not like anybody in this house gets to stop thinking about it ever when she's around.

But still - the point remains - I no longer look at other women like I have in the past. I am more and more into romantic dates with the ladies in my life, and in building a solid future with them.

The original point also still remains - casual sex can be great. It's about respect and communication, same as anyhting else involving intimate relations of any kind.
 
Casual sex

I prefer to call it recreational sex. Coming from a swinging lifestyle - I had no problem sharing my body without sharing my heart.

But even so - although we didn't 'deliberately' form a friendship/relationship - we remain good friends with a couple we swapped with on a regular basis. I know my dh had feelings for her - and I still have feelings for him.

Now - I still don't have a problem with recreational sex - it has its place. What I'm looking for, however, is friendship.

I want friends. Friends who have a slightly askew outlook on life like me who fit into ALL my life and can hang out with me with clothes on as well as clothes off. I want my kids to be comfortable around them.

And if a sexual or emotional relationship develops out of it - I want to explore that further - but it is a benefit to what is the friendship I'm hoping we already have.

But recreational sex.... is fun :D
 
I've always been a fan of casual sex. It can be really fulfilling for everyoe involved when it's handled right and everyone's respectful about it.

That said, i find myself less and less interested in it as I develop stronger and stronger bonds with my girls now. Even when we were 3, my interest in "outside" sex was waning, now that I have 3 ladies to keep my attentions, I find myself more and more romanticly inclined with them and less and less focused on sex period. Well, okay - as ufocused as I've ever been anyway, which is still pretty focused. And Adrian is a certifiable nympho, so it's not like anybody in this house gets to stop thinking about it ever when she's around.

But still - the point remains - I no longer look at other women like I have in the past. I am more and more into romantic dates with the ladies in my life, and in building a solid future with them.

The original point also still remains - casual sex can be great. It's about respect and communication, same as anyhting else involving intimate relations of any kind.

This resonates with me. I left my ex husband of 30 yrs in Sept of 08. Our marriage had been on the rocks for years before that.

Once I was free, and discovered the plethora of men who desired me on okc, I was like a kid in a candy store. However, I was also lucky enough to find Ms Right, my gf madi who is just perfect for me. I wasn't looking for love at the time we met (Jan 09), but we just clicked so well. It was practically love at first sight.

Since then, I have continued to look for Love, while also having fun just seeing lots of interesting men, loving the variety of bodies, minds, sex tricks.

But it's starting to pall just a wee bit. My attitude is changing, now that I've had some time having my desirability affirmed. I have so much more to offer than my sex. I've recently turned down several offers of casual sex from new guys.
 
I find it interesting that a lot of women start their poly journey with casual recreational, sport sex and then, once ego is boosted they look for more romantic, more involved relationships. Men do the same thing sometimes it seems. The thing is that some men will fuck just about anything. This is what I realized anyway. It was really not an ego boost at all. Do women do the same thing? I don't hold much trust that women are really being admired when a guy they just met sleeps with them. To me I am wary of any man who wants sex. I think its funny actually, kind of pathetic, but not a complement. Do men feel this way? That there is a chance they are being used and not actually admired? Are they objectified just as often? Seen as a penis rather than a person or even someone who is attractive? Do they even care?
 
I don't hold much trust that women are really being admired when a guy they just met sleeps with them. To me I am wary of any man who wants sex. I think its funny actually, kind of pathetic, but not a complement.

Have to say Redpepper, I agree. For my own experience anyhow. The only difference is, I am uninterested in any person, male or female, who only wants casual sex from me. I don`t see it as a compliment.

If anyone wants to check their ego, make a OKC profile that has a very distorted, ugly, photshopped picture of yourself. List yourself as poly/swinger/open relationships,..whatever. Sound as stupid and un-unique as possible, and watch the same amount of messages come in,......

For those of you who truly enjoy casual sex regardless, ....awesome. No prob, to each their own. I don`t judge others by the measurement I have for myself.

For those of you unsure though, feel free to try that experiment.
 
That's awesome superjast... I agree, casual sex is all very well and good for who ever, but I bet your experiment yields just the results you suggest.
 
She talks about what sexual empowerment is not to her and also me...what I fear we see more and more of in our culture..... "The idea that things like Girls Gone Wild is empowering to women. Yeah. Safe to say, it's not. ..."

That statement, however, doesn't encompass enough of the human experience to be of great use. I know women who found that a period of cutting loose and behaving as if they were on 'Girls Gone Wild' was what helped them begin to feel empowered. Any claim that GGW-like behavior isn't or can't be empowering is thus inaccurate, as it can be quite empowering and liberating for some women.
 
With girls gone wild its not the behaviour that was being talked about but the actual original videos. The women in them were/are drunk on holiday and asked to show off their tits by the viewer. They are vulnerable, naïve, and being treated as objects. The message is one that is disrespectful and damaging, not encouraging empowerment, but objectfication of vulnerable girls who aren't aware they are being treated as such.

If a woman wants to be out and about shaking her tits at anyone who is looking and finds that empowering, all the power to her, but this is vastly different.
 
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