Limiting Age in a Poly Group

Qouarin

New member
Any idea why a polyamory group would limit meetups to people under 40?
 
Different groups limit ages above and below. It's much like any other type of group; where they try to get similar aged people in order to promote a close knit group of people who have similar interests.
(not saying it's necessarily functional-just one thing I've seen).

While I tend to be opposite that; for me personally, I won't date anyone who is more than 5 years younger than me.
As a mother and grandmother; I'm not interested in having a partner who is still in the stages of life that my oldest children are currently.

There ARE people who mature and have life experience earlier than others. But the large majority of 20-somethings are inexperienced in the responsibilities that I face daily (through no fault of their own) and I don't have the excess time/energy to deal with explaining over and over why I am unavailable for an "alone" date to someone who can't understand juggling kids and grandkids.

So I don't tend to spend much time socializing in groups of people in those age groups outside of large group, family friendly atmospheres.


But really-the only way to know for sure is to ask the group itself or the person in charge of it.
 
Thank you for your insight. My wife is 26 and I am 41, so age means nothing to me. But I hear what you are saying. For me, behavior is the deciding factor, not age.

I did ask the group's leaders, and here was the response:

"We set up the first event as under 40 so that is what the default shows for a repeating event. We alternate events but there was no way to program that in. You should not be concerned about being unwelcome, there are plenty of couples who split the ages and haven't had an issue. We look forward to seeing you!"
 
So maybe they figured out too late that it wasn't so big a deal as they thought for the first event. :)
Sounds like a friendly reply.

I know for me-I have met a few younger people who are more than reasonable potentials.
But it generally falls into a closer age range for me.

MIND YOU;
I'm already happily married, busy with school full time, 2 of 5 kids are still at home (3 are grown) and 2 grandkids I care for a couple days a week.
So my time for "dating" is limited anyway.
MOST of my social time is spent in group interactions and I can't imagine any of the social groups I'm personally in limiting age because we often have family friendly functions and then any "dating" is scheduled separate.

But I've seen it and heard of it. :)

In my classes at the college I'm primarily surrounded by 20-somethings (I'm 39) & I can't imagine dating any of them. Their worlds are so chaotic compared to what I have time to add to my life.
But I recall being much the same at those ages. As my responsibilities increased, my chaos decreased because my time to "play" decreased. LOL

That may change again once the last of hte kids moves out! I may find myself our partying more with the young ones when I don't have young ones at home driving me nuts! HAHA

My father in law certainly has. :)
 
Hey Qouarin,

Re (from OP):
"Any idea why a polyamory group would limit meetups to people under 40?"

Cuz they doesn't likes old fogies like me. :)

(I'm kidding)

"Ewww! He's all wrinkly and his fingernails have ridges."
 
Hehe
 
Our local group has offshoots that are over-40/under-40. >>> maybe 40 is the new 30? (i.e. "don't trust anyone over 30"). Most seem to be OK with people who are outside of the age range if they are partnered with a member who is of the correct age range. We straddle the age cut-off so ... But it's actually irrelevant, since none of us are actively "looking".:rolleyes:

Experienced vs. Inexperienced would seem to be another dividing line. As much as I do understand wanting to meet with people who share your life experiences...if you break it down too far ("Left-handed-male-bisexual-polyamorists-with-more-than-two-but-less-than-10-partners- in-their-first-poly-relationship") you are going to find yourself at a lonely-ass Meeting!
 
...While I tend to be opposite that; for me personally, I won't date anyone who is more than 5 years younger than me....


I feel this. 10 years off, in either direction, would throw me off...not an automatic swipe but ...:rolleyes:
 
Hmm, interesting question. This thread has me thinking a lot. I can imagine reasons people might think they want to limit ages. Often people believe that there will be nothing in common between "old" people and "young" people. However, I think that's mistaken. People are capable of relating to each other on various different levels.

As to dating, I guess I would put my theoretical range at something like 24-49. On the younger end of that, I'd like someone who is old enough to have gone to university and lived a couple years after to have enough life experience to have meaningful discussions. On the older end, well, no reason really. There's just some magical thing about the age 50 that I am wary of crossing, I guess. I know it's just a number that's one higher than 49, but...

However, that's all theoretical. In reality, I'm sure if I met a wonderful person over 50, it would not be an issue. Also, I have a 19 year old friend I would gladly date if I had the chance, but she doesn't act 19.
 
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I'm glad my question spurred such a wonderful discussion! Thank you, all. :)
 
Personally, I prefer the under 40-style meetups. Every meetup I've been to that is open to all ages has included at least one 40+ dude hitting on all the 20somethings while ignoring the women who are obviously a bit older (and I don't mean to be mean about that, I'm generally attracted to the women who don't look like they're fresh out of college lol). Most have included at least one core group of 40+ polyfolks who make newbies feel uncomfortable, stupid, and unwelcome. I've not liked the vibes I've gotten there.

The under 40 events I've been to have been open, flirty without the predatory feel, and have included the 40-45 year olds who are still in the same place in life as those still getting established (AKA people like me - 20 to 30 somethings who are building their lives, some responsibility but still flexible).

I'm 25. My preferred age range is 28-40. That age cap is perfect, IMO. As I get older and my age range shifts, I may enjoy the other meetups more.
 
: 24 :

We have a 24 year age gap, so age prejudice makes no sense for us.
Still: People have their own weird prejudices, be it age, race, size, etc. and they can basically segregate as they like.... it's why they made a Group in the first place.
 
Lime green leisure suits

Well the title is one obvious reason, but I would say it is the insecurity of the younger guys.

Everyone knows the best hot bi babes all are hitting on granpa

Then you run into that whole cellphone interfering with pacemakers.

Or which background Muzak to play. I mean Martin Mull's. In Miami, seems to confuse the kiddies.
 
I think dating 5 years around my age is fine although I've met some people who are 40 who just seemed way too old for me. I prefer people in their late 20 to early thirties personally for the most part. people who are in their early twenties seem extremely immature to me we're just not even in the same level of life experience not really something I'd noticed before couple years ago
 
"Half your age + 7" seems somewhat reasonable if you are the elder and contemplating how young to go ... but seems weird to me the other direction.

For example, I am 40 so half my age + 7 = 27, which is young (in my eyes) but not cradle robbing. But if I flip it the other way: 40-7 = 33, 33 x 2 = 66, which is in the ballpark of my parents' ages (and therefore seems old to me). 27 to 66 is a BIG range. On OKC I have my filter set to 27 to 53 (13 years in either direction - but +/- 10 years seems more comfortable).
 
Sony will not let you list your college

"Half your age + 7" seems somewhat reasonable if you are the elder and contemplating how young to go ... but seems weird to me the other direction.

For example, I am 40 so half my age + 7 = 27, which is young (in my eyes) but not cradle robbing. But if I flip it the other way: 40-7 = 33, 33 x 2 = 66, which is in the ballpark of my parents' ages (and therefore seems old to me). 27 to 66 is a BIG range. On OKC I have my filter set to 27 to 53 (13 years in either direction - but +/- 10 years seems more comfortable).

I have met 18 year olds who were really mature and 40 year olds who were emotionally about 8.

I do not want to know your age. If you want to know mine, I am no long interested in you. In my thirties, because of my work in the body mind, I looked like I was in college.

If you sitting there with a calculator trying to figure this out, you are way to paint by numbers for me. I'll recommend you wear some hot pink angora sweater and get a kicky place in Malibu.

Now if a 20 year cannot blow of a guy over forty, she needs to sit there and learn. Or a few of you women need to go over and mindfuck the guy. But do it humorously.

I've gone to about three munches BDSM and two POLY guess now I know they are called meet ups. Holy fuck I'd rather go to a meeting of young republican Christians against interracial same sex marriage meet up.

But then I am really more interested in metaphysics.
 
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Re:
"I do not want to know your age. If you want to know mine, I am no long interested in you."

I know right? I'm 49, and I'd never tell anyone. People always think I'm much younger, either because I have the body of a God (Buddha) or because I wear a diaper and a propeller cap.
 
I have met 18 year olds who were really mature and 40 year olds who were emotionally about 8.

Very true. And I wouldn't date either of them.
 
So ... no 49 year olds who are emotionally about 3?

Darn it.

When I was 3, I was as mature as a 49 year old, but then my folks got tired of me making their Lexus payments.
 
Back in the olden days

Very true. And I wouldn't date either of them.

I grew up in NYC during my teens, most of my friends ran from mid20-60 something.

I have seen people automatically trash people on BDSM sites because of their age, now rules of thumb definitely do work, but....

Given that I now live about a 2km hike to the nearest bus some, I don't date at all.

For me it is totally sapiosexual. Given that sex is about 98% in your brain! I need some serious neocortex stroking before I am even interested.

My daughters used to give me "papa at least ten years older than I am" but recently both sort of said, fuck it go find someone.

I'm sort in a total waiting for the pizza to get delivered.
I'll get blindsided one of these days, not not looking, just sort of got sidetracked raising two daughters and I'm not an easy fit.

Anyone who reads my Circle of a friends over in the fireplace could probably easily get that.

Dating, I remember that. Someplace around here I must have a face to meet the faces that you meet.
I'll just wait for the pizza to get delivered.
 
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