JuneauHiker
New member
Hello all!
I've been searching for advice on some specific issues I've had for some time now. For the past year or so I've been battling thoughts of inferiority, imposter syndrome, and unworthiness.
Let me explain:
My wife and I have been together, and non-monogamous, for three years now. I've been of the poly mindset for a very long time, and have largely enjoyed the freedom and open communication this lifestyle allows for. This past year I've really been searching for deeper connection and become very frustrated and, frankly, disappointed in my apparent inability to not only connect with others, but even just meet them!
I understand the disadvantages I am working with. First, as much as I hate to go there, being a guy I definitely find it harder to meet women. I've altered my approach on OKCupid, Tinder, etc., just so I can get a foot in the door, so to speak, and yet I can count on one hand the number of times someone agreed to meet with me in real life. Part of the other reason, I'm sure, that I'm finding few responses and meetups (or being ghosted after the first few dates despite them seemingly having a good time) is because I do travel quite a lot, and so I imagine people see this and consider me a waste of time since I'll leave, often within 5 months' time.
My real isssue isn't about that, however. It's mostly a backdrop to my real problems. You see, my wife has spent much more of her adult life actually living the open/poly/non-monogamous lifestyle, and she connects with other people comparitively easily. What I'm feeling, mostly, besides the frustration of not getting anywhere with potential partners, is a strong sense of unworthiness in relation to her. I worry that I'm not "poly" or "open" enough because I don't even have flings or FWB situations. I'm jaded and feel unnattractive which translates to low libido with my wife when we are together.
I am, essentially, envious of my own wife's ability to connect with people and accept whatever may come with equanimity. And I hate how that makes me feel; ugly and childish and I know I shouldn't feel this way!
Hence, why I've come to you folks. I've found many guides on jealousy and how to communicate and relate with your partner(s), but really haven't heard or seen anything about how to let go of my frustrations and my sense of not being enough. I know, intelectually, that I'm not any of these things - but in the meantime, I feel like shit, haha.
Thank you so much for reading this far. I hope y'all are having a great evening, and I look forward to talking with you further.
-Kyle
I've been searching for advice on some specific issues I've had for some time now. For the past year or so I've been battling thoughts of inferiority, imposter syndrome, and unworthiness.
Let me explain:
My wife and I have been together, and non-monogamous, for three years now. I've been of the poly mindset for a very long time, and have largely enjoyed the freedom and open communication this lifestyle allows for. This past year I've really been searching for deeper connection and become very frustrated and, frankly, disappointed in my apparent inability to not only connect with others, but even just meet them!
I understand the disadvantages I am working with. First, as much as I hate to go there, being a guy I definitely find it harder to meet women. I've altered my approach on OKCupid, Tinder, etc., just so I can get a foot in the door, so to speak, and yet I can count on one hand the number of times someone agreed to meet with me in real life. Part of the other reason, I'm sure, that I'm finding few responses and meetups (or being ghosted after the first few dates despite them seemingly having a good time) is because I do travel quite a lot, and so I imagine people see this and consider me a waste of time since I'll leave, often within 5 months' time.
My real isssue isn't about that, however. It's mostly a backdrop to my real problems. You see, my wife has spent much more of her adult life actually living the open/poly/non-monogamous lifestyle, and she connects with other people comparitively easily. What I'm feeling, mostly, besides the frustration of not getting anywhere with potential partners, is a strong sense of unworthiness in relation to her. I worry that I'm not "poly" or "open" enough because I don't even have flings or FWB situations. I'm jaded and feel unnattractive which translates to low libido with my wife when we are together.
I am, essentially, envious of my own wife's ability to connect with people and accept whatever may come with equanimity. And I hate how that makes me feel; ugly and childish and I know I shouldn't feel this way!
Hence, why I've come to you folks. I've found many guides on jealousy and how to communicate and relate with your partner(s), but really haven't heard or seen anything about how to let go of my frustrations and my sense of not being enough. I know, intelectually, that I'm not any of these things - but in the meantime, I feel like shit, haha.
Thank you so much for reading this far. I hope y'all are having a great evening, and I look forward to talking with you further.
-Kyle