AutumnLeaves
New member
Sorry Autumn, I don't see it as a huge breach of trust. He didn't act on it. He may have very well struggled with the thoughts, but kept it to himself. How many people are in LTR and can talk to their SO about that? When he hit a point that he could safely talk to his wife, Boom, a fight? Until my present wife I had had poly feelings that I did not understand, she is the first woman I can honestly talk too, I cherish that.
From my read of her first post, he approached the other woman about having an affair, they decided against it, but then they spent a lot of close emotional time together on a joint vacation, and when she asked her husband if anything was happening, he lied to her.
She viewed that as a huge breach of trust, and I agree. He did take actions here, it wasn't limited to just feelings. If I was in her shoes, I'd feel betrayed and hurt. Not because he fell in love, but because he lied to her about it and pursued it without her knowledge.
He didn't have to tell her his feelings and start a fight, but if he was going that route he also didn't have to take any actions in pursuit of the other woman. And he didn't have to lie. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, and I'm sure he felt his actions were justified (duh) but I can at least see that part of why she'd feel hurt and betrayed. Hope that helps explain my position!