Head and Heart
I've been posting/poking around here for a bit now and it's nice to find this thread. I'm having issues with irrational reactions to some things my SO talks about. He likes one of our friends, and has told her as much but is waiting on me to feel comfortable moving forward.
I find sometimes when he brings up that they've expressed attraction for each other my heart kicks into high gear about worrying things are happening soon, before I'm ready. However, this isn't the case for my brain. I know he's not pursuing anything, they're just talking about a DnD campaign we're trying to start and her situation with our other friend who is in a "relationship with her but doesn't wanna put a label on it because he's been burned in the past". She's moving at the end of summer and mentioned she's never been on a real date. SO offhandedly offered to take her on one to maybe get No Labels to get off his ass and do something because she very much wants to have labels but is content where they are for the most part. She responded that it would only be okay if I was 100% on board.
I expressed genuine interest in also wanting to take her on a date because a) I think it'd be fun and b) she's so precious and deserves all the good things in life. I would be very overjoyed to flirt with her and treat her like a princess with my boyfriend. But because she's leaving so soon, I feel a little pressure on my own because of this timeline. SO says I don't need to worry about it, if it happens, it happens. But I feel (and this is getting into a bad habit of blaming myself) a huge disappointment in myself for not being farther along, even though logically I know it's too soon for me to be comfortable yet.
But when he mentioned they'd exchanged an interested while we were on the phone yesterday, I kind had that weird anxious reaction I mentioned above that made me only respond with "Mm". And it through him, obviously. Now he doesn't feel like he can talk to me safely about these things and it breaks my heart... He doesn't think I need to apologize, but I hurt him and insist that I do, and I need to acknowledge that. He says I can't handle talking about it, but I feel I need him to push through my discomfort so I can grow and feel compersion, because I've felt it before. And it's wonderful...