Spork
Active member
So I think in analogies, especially early in the morning, and especially in the shower. I can't explain it, so don't ask, that's just how it is.
This morning, my thoughts were on an incident where a cute gal at a bar get together was all over my Sadist. I reacted with a sort of raised eyebrow to this. Why? Because Zen doesn't tend to attract a lot of women, most of his best qualities are beneath the surface, and because I know she likes to "troll" (though she isn't good at it) and because we've had convos about poly, she wants to but she's insecure and jealous, and I've told her I don't feel that way, and I think she wanted to test it. She can be petty, I've seen it, so I was just wondering if she was seeing if I had a jealousy button she could poke. Hence. Raised eyebrow. Smirk. "Whaddya doin'?" lol.
I'm very secure with Zen. And I would still be secure if he'd banged her right there in the bar. But that isn't a thing that is likely to happen then and there or anytime anywhere. I didn't FEEL jealous feels. But I thought it was funny she seemed to be fishing for them. Maybe.
Followed hot on the heels with a wistful thinking that I almost wish I could believe her interest in him were genuine. Well. Not hers specifically. Nor do I actually feel any emotional demand that he have other partners. I just wish anyone/everyone could see what I see.
This is kinda part of my whole compersion thing. (Warning. Here comes the early morning shower-time analogy.)
There's a fictitious woman named Martha, and Martha happens upon a recipe for cookies that is out of this world. It doesn't use rare ingredients from far off lands, just stuff you can buy at the store, but it's HER recipe and it's great. No one else makes such wonderful cookies. Everyone loves Martha's cookies (*snicker*) and how Martha proceeds with her recipe and her cookies is going to now depend on what kind of a personality Martha has. Let's assume she's got no interest in selling her cookies (*snicker*) as a commodity. She might be an insecure person who loves validation of how special she is. She might never share her recipe, she might keep it a big huge secret, so that everyone will know they can only get these cookies from her. Or she might be so excited about how great it is, she publishes it on the internet and gives it away to everyone she meets, just to share the sweet joy of shared cookies (...nevermind.)
Now let's assume the recipe is a living breathing thing capable of sharing itself, and Martha can either take joy in its proliferation or she can face the reality that either she trusts this living breathing thing to not share itself because it promised it wouldn't...or she can worry about it and try to lock it up or keep her eyes on it at all times, growl at anyone who gets too close and generally have anxiety about it as a background routine in her life.
That does not seem practical to me.
Thing is, even if the recipe is shared, she can still use it to make the cookies. She won't LOSE it even if others enjoy it. She might lose the ego part where it is HERS AND ONLY HERS...but hey, not everyone will put the effort into the baking, not everyone will actually appreciate the recipe.
Some heathens don't even like cookies at all.
I'm a sharing Martha. (My name is not Martha, and I do not sell cookies.) I take joy in the joy of others. All the others. If I see a movie I love, I want everyone to see it. Same, same with a delicious food, a great book, a piece of art, a sunset, or a human being. No, I don't need to see everybody sexing up my lovers, but I want them to SEE those colors I see, and know why it is I love the person, and appreciate them because they are great. I'm not afraid of the secret getting out. I want to shout it to the world. I want the joy to multiply and spread. I'm not afraid of other people tasting the cookies (lol!) that I love, either. I've got the recipe. There will always be plenty. And they aren't better for being mine and mine only.
It's this notion of shared joy, of seeing my appreciation reflected in other eyes, that lies behind the fact that I don't really get jealous, I think.
This morning, my thoughts were on an incident where a cute gal at a bar get together was all over my Sadist. I reacted with a sort of raised eyebrow to this. Why? Because Zen doesn't tend to attract a lot of women, most of his best qualities are beneath the surface, and because I know she likes to "troll" (though she isn't good at it) and because we've had convos about poly, she wants to but she's insecure and jealous, and I've told her I don't feel that way, and I think she wanted to test it. She can be petty, I've seen it, so I was just wondering if she was seeing if I had a jealousy button she could poke. Hence. Raised eyebrow. Smirk. "Whaddya doin'?" lol.
I'm very secure with Zen. And I would still be secure if he'd banged her right there in the bar. But that isn't a thing that is likely to happen then and there or anytime anywhere. I didn't FEEL jealous feels. But I thought it was funny she seemed to be fishing for them. Maybe.
Followed hot on the heels with a wistful thinking that I almost wish I could believe her interest in him were genuine. Well. Not hers specifically. Nor do I actually feel any emotional demand that he have other partners. I just wish anyone/everyone could see what I see.
This is kinda part of my whole compersion thing. (Warning. Here comes the early morning shower-time analogy.)
There's a fictitious woman named Martha, and Martha happens upon a recipe for cookies that is out of this world. It doesn't use rare ingredients from far off lands, just stuff you can buy at the store, but it's HER recipe and it's great. No one else makes such wonderful cookies. Everyone loves Martha's cookies (*snicker*) and how Martha proceeds with her recipe and her cookies is going to now depend on what kind of a personality Martha has. Let's assume she's got no interest in selling her cookies (*snicker*) as a commodity. She might be an insecure person who loves validation of how special she is. She might never share her recipe, she might keep it a big huge secret, so that everyone will know they can only get these cookies from her. Or she might be so excited about how great it is, she publishes it on the internet and gives it away to everyone she meets, just to share the sweet joy of shared cookies (...nevermind.)
Now let's assume the recipe is a living breathing thing capable of sharing itself, and Martha can either take joy in its proliferation or she can face the reality that either she trusts this living breathing thing to not share itself because it promised it wouldn't...or she can worry about it and try to lock it up or keep her eyes on it at all times, growl at anyone who gets too close and generally have anxiety about it as a background routine in her life.
That does not seem practical to me.
Thing is, even if the recipe is shared, she can still use it to make the cookies. She won't LOSE it even if others enjoy it. She might lose the ego part where it is HERS AND ONLY HERS...but hey, not everyone will put the effort into the baking, not everyone will actually appreciate the recipe.
Some heathens don't even like cookies at all.
I'm a sharing Martha. (My name is not Martha, and I do not sell cookies.) I take joy in the joy of others. All the others. If I see a movie I love, I want everyone to see it. Same, same with a delicious food, a great book, a piece of art, a sunset, or a human being. No, I don't need to see everybody sexing up my lovers, but I want them to SEE those colors I see, and know why it is I love the person, and appreciate them because they are great. I'm not afraid of the secret getting out. I want to shout it to the world. I want the joy to multiply and spread. I'm not afraid of other people tasting the cookies (lol!) that I love, either. I've got the recipe. There will always be plenty. And they aren't better for being mine and mine only.
It's this notion of shared joy, of seeing my appreciation reflected in other eyes, that lies behind the fact that I don't really get jealous, I think.
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