Phase 2 - Dave Continues

Off to visit Susan. It will be really nice even if we are winding down. I'm still looking forward to this and going on vacation in November.

I met someone that seems pretty cool on OKC. She's into a lot of stuff I'm into including stuff that I like to DO rather just read about. Tour breweries, watch sports, etc. We already have a first date, though not a day to do it yet.

Stakes has been a little flakey lately and isn't sure why. We have always talked about our relationships, but hearing about mine is causing emotional issues for her. Not jealously exactly... more like sadness.

Anyway, I'm off to the airport.
 
The weekend went pretty good. I got more perspective into where Susan is emotionally. She's absolutely beaten down and stressed from work. It's affecting her entire life, and not helping matters is her cat has severe digestive issues. She's having to spend the first 30 minutes she's home after a 12 hour day cleaning up after him. Awful.

So when I met her Friday even she was almost in tears she was so stressed out and worried about the weekend. She admitted she thought about cancelling when I asked her. I helped her clean up the cat mess, and then she collapsed with me on the couch and she fell asleep for about an hour. It was sweet. I loved holding her like that. She felt a little better when she woke up. We had a little snack, then fooled around (since she was feeling better) and then made it an early night.

After a good night's sleep, Saturday was much better. She had to work a few hours, but I got to spend it watching football and drinking beer. Don't throw me in that briar patch!
The evening was really nice. On Sunday I helped with more cat mess and put air in her car tires.

We are still on for November, and I asked her to come out in December which she thought was a good idea, but it was too early to commit. I had presented it in that manner anyway, because December is always crazy busy on the weekends. She felt much better and was really happy I came. I really enjoyed the weekend. I love her so much.

But I still have the same problem. I would like to relate to her about dating, so I'm going to explore that. Also, she's going to have limited energy to devote to me just like Kay. So I have to take care of myself and can't be needy on them.
 
Had a lunch date on Wednesday that went well enough that I invited her to watch football with me on Saturday (her favorite team.. she would have been watching anyway). She asked if I'd do it at her house, so must be mutual. I'm not super excited though, and it makes me wonder if it's worth the added time management issues.

On a completely unrelated note, I discovered the Sex Nerd Sandra podcast. Soooo good. I can't get enough of them. Her conversational style is so good. It's funny. It's topical. It's interesting. Love it.
 
Oh.. So that's how a good date is supposed to go.

Met a lady off OKC last night. Chemistry. Laughter. Attraction. We didn't want the date to end. I like this.

I'm going to need a new nickname.
 
I can be so nice to step off the relationship treadmill and just experience the moment with a new person. Glad you had fun :D
 
I can be so nice to step off the relationship treadmill and just experience the moment with a new person. Glad you had fun :D

Thank you.

We are supposed to go out tonight, but as you notice the posting time (work) and my allergies have gone completely berserk, I don't know if that's going to happen.

I'm freaking out a bit though. One of the worst experiences I've had in a relationship was when I took advantage of a rebound girl. I hurt her badly and I've never really forgiven myself. I'm worried that's the case here. What I want is more time with Kay and Susan. I don't think I really want another relationship.

I did have a good time though. I'm just going to have to share my feelings and slow it down.
 
I have ironically nicknamed her Farmgirl. We did have to wait until last night, but we went out again. It was ok. I like her as a friend, but I don't see anything coming of it other than sex. I'm not sure if I'm ok with that or not.

I feel like I want it to organically go away. We had an interesting conversation about how you always have to evaluate whether something is worth the time and energy. I think she's worth some time and energy, but the payoff isn't worth sacrificing too much time and energy I need elsewhere.

On the plus side, I'm not having to worry about NRE affecting any current relationships.

Susan is going through a bout of depression again. I'm supporting her as best I can.

Kay is being beaten down by physics and calculus.

Work is kicking my butt.

Overall though, I'm in a good place.
 
I had so much fun last week. Susan flew into Houston and we road tripped to New Orleans. We got an absolutely wonderful combination of talking, events, and sexy time. On the car trip we got to combine two of our favorite activities. I love podcasts, she likes real crime stories. We listened to Sarah Koenig's Serial.

We really enjoyed New Orleans.

On the Saturday back, Kay, Susan, and I had dinner together. It was really nice. Susan was nervous. Kay was very relaxed and even a bit energetic.
 
Hello, everyone.

I know it's been a long time, but I thought I would check in.

Everything is going pretty well. I've made several more trips out to LA. We have a vacation scheduled in early October. I'll be visiting either in late August or joining her for a wedding in September. However, the invitation didn't have a +1 so she's not sure if she will even go since it's cross country.

Kay is doing well. She's finished half of her degree.

Stakes and I still talk occasionally, but work is really interfering. We have both been very busy.

Farmgirl and I decided to be friends. I think we are still working things out and trying to find what we want to do, but we have dinner every so often.

I'm not sure I really identify as poly so much as have the capacity for it. I stopped looking for anything more. I think Susan is a very special exception in my life, and I would never give her up voluntarily. But, since it was so many years before I found her, I am very skeptical that is something I need so much as it's just her that I need.

Anyway, I just wanted to say this has been a very good experience for all of us. Everyone is happy with the relationships and we have great communication. While there has been drama, it's always short lived and we come out better on the other side.
 
HI Dave,
It is good to hear that things are running smoothly for you. It sounds like you have settled into a comfortable and fun relationship with Susan and things with Kay are still going strong. :)
 
Hi Nox

I'm new and thanks to your update bumping this up to new posts I've just enjoyed reading your blog.

I'm completely cheering for Kay continuing and completing her degree :)

best wishes
Evie
 
Thanks for reading and commenting, Evie and Atlantis.

Things have taken a turn. I need to let it play out, but Susan has a new online boyfriend. She is gripped tightly in the throes of NRE to the point where she is considering things that are completely against her nature. She is planning on travelling to see him (which she hates and it totally freaks her out .. more on this on a second), considering a life with him (even though he's 800 miles away), and ending our sexual relationship.

I know it's just NRE, but I'm scared. She really wants a primary and they've really connected. At first she did say she could only deal with one primary sexual relationship, but she recently said "the nature of our relationship will not change." Some days she's still totally into me and needs me to take care of things. She was even very flirty all weekend after helped with some non-related travel stuff and fixed her iPhone. But then yesterday she ignored me most of the day and then was very distracted when we did chat.

To complicate matters, we are going on vacation together in 10 days for a whole week. If she's distracted the whole time, I'm going to be really hurt. At the same time I don't want to put the trip in jeopardy. I have been with her before when she's distracted by a new beau, and it has been ok, but this feels different.

On to me being competitive and petty. So her new guy.. I'll call him Josh. She has been talking to him for about 2 1/2 months and they have been romantic the last 3 weeks. She said they were supposed to talk Friday, but he decided to go to a sports bar instead. She needed me to tell her everything would be ok, which I did. He wants her to fly to see him, but she hates travelling so much that I have to help her buy airline tickets and check in for flights. Of course she agreed to fly there.

I know it's NRE compounded by the fact this is the first interest she has had since she was done mourning her ex-bf (cancer). By the same token, if I'm going to be consolation prize, I need to make changes in my life. I can't just sit around pining. The question is when to say, "I love you and I want you in my life, but I need to make some changes to be happy even though they are going to hurt you and damage our relationship."

Sigh.

Farmgirl is out of the sig. We are just friends and I don't see that changing.
 
Stakes made me feel better. She helped me see that I'm not "Consolation Prize" but instead I am "Old Reliable." No matter what she needs I am there for her and she can trust me.

If there are downsides to that, it's my fault for not asking for more time. If there comes a time where she's not responding to my requests, that's a different story, but we haven't reached that point.
 
Susan is confusing the hell out of me. So affectionate Friday and Saturday, ignored me (relative to our normal stuff, but didn't respond to several pictures or a long email), for nearly 4 days, and then was happy and fun on the phone last night, and then back to ignoring.

She hasn't messaged me good morning or good night since last Saturday. I could count on one hand how many times either hadn't been done in the time we've been together.
 
We are both excited about the upcoming trip, but neither of us wants to discuss what happens after.

I'm kind of a mess and am seeing a therapist today. I have seen her a few times previously, but for my marriage (which she said was in zero danger) not for me. Now, I'm not sleeping well (better the last few days), am feeling numb, and drinking too much (not drunk, but still way too much).

Most of it I think is work. We are going through a big re-org in which about a 1/3rd of the people will be laid off. Theoretically, I'm safe, but you never really know. Regardless, it's scary, and I have a ton of current stressful work.

But I'm deluding myself to think Susan isn't part of it. I am really hurt that she's willing to push her romantic desires for me aside for the hope of this new relationship.
 
We talked mostly about work. I really have to just let it play out and not worry.

We didn't spend much time on Susan. She seemed as incredulous as I that Susan would make such a rash decision without knowing NewGuy better.

And there's the rub. I have no idea if she's made the decision. I'm afraid to ask. I don't know if I should. Either we will be romantic on the trip or we won't, but I don't even think she's made a decision. It will be so much more in my favor if she makes it when I'm present, but who knows what kind of pressure the new relationship is putting her under?

I'll just go pound out another 5 miles and get some sleep. That sounds the healthiest of options.
 
And we're done.

4 years of the most intense, loving, supporting relationship. My friends are incredulous.
 
Hugs, Nox.
 
Sorry to hear that Dave.
Did Susan decide to go mono with the new guy?
 
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