azorkanesbrat
New member
I like to blog. I like to blog a lot. So this will be a good place for me to document my 2nd chapter in life.
I've been here before. My husband and I were married for 11 years when we decided that we'd open our hearts to others. He found someone - they fell in love and had a very brief relationship that came at the expense of his and mine - and left me feeling lost and alone.
I didn't tell him to end it - he chose to based on my assertation that I was going to make a choice that was right for me since my conversations with them were seen as controlling and in the end - she and her husband accused me (not to my face) of forcing their break up. I did not.
So now, I've got a second chapter. A new man, a new relationship and we're opening our lives to ethical non-monogamy.
He (azorkane - not on this site) is dating a lovely woman (amber - also not on this site) who I really enjoy spending time together with as well.
We've had a couple nights of snuggles all in one bed - and there hasn't been any awkwardness or uncomfortable-ness.
A lot of the issues that existed when my husband and I were together and he had his GF seem to be dissapating.
I had a long conversation with my BF last night about the "overlay" of emotions and triggers and history. Everything that happens, I get triggered by what happened in the past. What happened with my husband. What happened with his girlfriend. I've asked him to be patient - that I am and will work through the stress and the overlay - but especially with this week being a super huge, hard trigger for me - I'm overly emotional and stressed and crying a lot - and reading things into moments that are not there.
I'm waiting to get past Thursday to let some of that go and hopefully be able to see my life with clearer eyes not clouded in grief and hurt and sadness - just focus on what's in front of me and how things are different now.
Anyhow. I don't have a partner of my own. Between my BF and I, we have 5 kids at home and I'm home and responsible for them more often than he is. I work full time an hour away - and likely will have a lot of overtime in the summer as fire season heats up.
So I just don't have the time - but not from lack of desire. If anything - I'd be looking for a female partner - but I'm open to whatever life brings.
So for now... I'm writing my 2nd chapter and just seeing how it all plays out.
I've been here before. My husband and I were married for 11 years when we decided that we'd open our hearts to others. He found someone - they fell in love and had a very brief relationship that came at the expense of his and mine - and left me feeling lost and alone.
I didn't tell him to end it - he chose to based on my assertation that I was going to make a choice that was right for me since my conversations with them were seen as controlling and in the end - she and her husband accused me (not to my face) of forcing their break up. I did not.
So now, I've got a second chapter. A new man, a new relationship and we're opening our lives to ethical non-monogamy.
He (azorkane - not on this site) is dating a lovely woman (amber - also not on this site) who I really enjoy spending time together with as well.
We've had a couple nights of snuggles all in one bed - and there hasn't been any awkwardness or uncomfortable-ness.
A lot of the issues that existed when my husband and I were together and he had his GF seem to be dissapating.
I had a long conversation with my BF last night about the "overlay" of emotions and triggers and history. Everything that happens, I get triggered by what happened in the past. What happened with my husband. What happened with his girlfriend. I've asked him to be patient - that I am and will work through the stress and the overlay - but especially with this week being a super huge, hard trigger for me - I'm overly emotional and stressed and crying a lot - and reading things into moments that are not there.
I'm waiting to get past Thursday to let some of that go and hopefully be able to see my life with clearer eyes not clouded in grief and hurt and sadness - just focus on what's in front of me and how things are different now.
Anyhow. I don't have a partner of my own. Between my BF and I, we have 5 kids at home and I'm home and responsible for them more often than he is. I work full time an hour away - and likely will have a lot of overtime in the summer as fire season heats up.
So I just don't have the time - but not from lack of desire. If anything - I'd be looking for a female partner - but I'm open to whatever life brings.
So for now... I'm writing my 2nd chapter and just seeing how it all plays out.