Mignonne
New member
Hello,
I had written a really in-depth introduction but I guess my session timed out and I lost all of it, perhaps it is for the best.
I am a woman presently in a V or an... N? I am not even sure.
Though I can see it being contested, in reality I am the secondary parter to a couple in a well established relationship. I am only involved with the man, though I made a strong attempt at being attracted to the girl but just, can't.
I have been in poly-type relationships before, and have had monogamous relationships with both sexes, I just don't find her attractive on any level. She is also going through a quasi-delayed-adolescent phase which makes it even more impossible for me. Still, I do like her as a person, in a friendly sense, and we have gotten along fine with the exception of some hiccups.
I was absorbed into the triad by very unconventional means. I was a friend of the male, his confidant for the better part of a year when my own life collapsed. Suddenly it was made known to me that he had feelings for me and wanted to help.
I was not keen on either idea, and refused to consider it for a long time, besides, even though they were of legal age they were a lot younger, and he already had a girlfriend. In addition, what they did outside of the relationship was three-way type stuff w/o much emotion. Having experience with that, and finding I did not want to be involved with that sort of thing, I really resisted any emotional connection with him.
But the dynamic between he and I had already changed, and an emotional rollercoaster followed where I was being pulled in a direction I did not want to go. I eventually had to lay out that if anything between us did happen it would have to be a lot more than just a tryst. I wasn't going to be three-way girl.
Thus a romantic affair began and I introduced myself to his girlfriend. It was easy enough, but I didn't really know what was going on. He was given the "green light" to delve into a deeper relationship with me and she was given the same.
As I said, though she liked me quite a bit and I attempted a romance with her, attraction and feeling never truly developed for me. She does still refer to myself as her girlfriend to a select few that know what's going on, but I think of myself more as a co-partner... whatever that means, I think I just made that up. lol
I should mention that although I have experience with poly relationships neither of them do, but outside our chaotic lives we get along famously. I have many things in common with her, and even more with him. He and I have similar histories, experiences, upbringings, principles, and hobbies. Sometimes it gets a bit creepy, but overall we make a strange but handsome couple... if only we could really be one.
I'll be upfront, I don't like being the secondary partner. I feel sort of blindsided as I entered into it at a very tumultous and vulnerable time.
As I become more and more connected to the man I have begun wanting things I can't have. Realizing that I will always be the secret friend among their families while they openly speak and show affection to one another. I have never really had a family and when I hear him talk about his, I ache to be a part of that. I want it so bad... but they'd never accept me.
In addition, over the course of this entire year, I'll lie in his arms and think "Wow, I could actually maybe spend the rest of my life with him... " a thought I've only had one other time in my life (I don't love easily). I dream of being his wife, of having his children, and being a part of his family.
All the things that my monogamous relationships offered. It is also painfully obvious that if there was a good enough reason, my inclusion in the relationship or its status could be renegotiated. Not so much has been said, except for once by the girlfriend, but you just... know.
I deeply love this man, but I pine for a primary partner of my own. Problem is, I want it to be him. But there will be no marraige or familial inclusion, I will never have the status his established partner has. I really feel like the outlier.
There are a lot of other things going on but I'm trying to stay on topic.
Yes, I have thought about seeking a fourth, his girlfriend has people she sees on the side now, but I find the whole thing detracting and not adding. He does a bit of his own flirting on the side as well and I'm just sitting here thinking "Okay, what am I here for?" sometimes.
I know he loves me and I love him, I don't want to leave him esp after he put so much work into establishing a relationship with me in the first place. But it just breaks my heart how this all feels, I'm not "poly," at least it's incredibly depressing having secondary status. I have long bemoaned being the third, just from personal experience and observation.
I feel lonely and wishing I could potentially have this life with him. I do not want him to leave his girlfriend, I just wish I could have what she could have with him too without the painful long process of trying to find another...
God, it makes me cry just thinking of it.
He doesn't want to lose me and I don't want to leave him, he isn't perfect, but for once in my life I have maybe met my match in strength, character, endurance, and so much more.
We have had a rocky ride, and still yet to come, I just don't know how to reconcile all of these things.
*Deep breath* Thanks for listening.
-M
I had written a really in-depth introduction but I guess my session timed out and I lost all of it, perhaps it is for the best.
I am a woman presently in a V or an... N? I am not even sure.
Though I can see it being contested, in reality I am the secondary parter to a couple in a well established relationship. I am only involved with the man, though I made a strong attempt at being attracted to the girl but just, can't.
I have been in poly-type relationships before, and have had monogamous relationships with both sexes, I just don't find her attractive on any level. She is also going through a quasi-delayed-adolescent phase which makes it even more impossible for me. Still, I do like her as a person, in a friendly sense, and we have gotten along fine with the exception of some hiccups.
I was absorbed into the triad by very unconventional means. I was a friend of the male, his confidant for the better part of a year when my own life collapsed. Suddenly it was made known to me that he had feelings for me and wanted to help.
I was not keen on either idea, and refused to consider it for a long time, besides, even though they were of legal age they were a lot younger, and he already had a girlfriend. In addition, what they did outside of the relationship was three-way type stuff w/o much emotion. Having experience with that, and finding I did not want to be involved with that sort of thing, I really resisted any emotional connection with him.
But the dynamic between he and I had already changed, and an emotional rollercoaster followed where I was being pulled in a direction I did not want to go. I eventually had to lay out that if anything between us did happen it would have to be a lot more than just a tryst. I wasn't going to be three-way girl.
Thus a romantic affair began and I introduced myself to his girlfriend. It was easy enough, but I didn't really know what was going on. He was given the "green light" to delve into a deeper relationship with me and she was given the same.
As I said, though she liked me quite a bit and I attempted a romance with her, attraction and feeling never truly developed for me. She does still refer to myself as her girlfriend to a select few that know what's going on, but I think of myself more as a co-partner... whatever that means, I think I just made that up. lol
I should mention that although I have experience with poly relationships neither of them do, but outside our chaotic lives we get along famously. I have many things in common with her, and even more with him. He and I have similar histories, experiences, upbringings, principles, and hobbies. Sometimes it gets a bit creepy, but overall we make a strange but handsome couple... if only we could really be one.
I'll be upfront, I don't like being the secondary partner. I feel sort of blindsided as I entered into it at a very tumultous and vulnerable time.
As I become more and more connected to the man I have begun wanting things I can't have. Realizing that I will always be the secret friend among their families while they openly speak and show affection to one another. I have never really had a family and when I hear him talk about his, I ache to be a part of that. I want it so bad... but they'd never accept me.
In addition, over the course of this entire year, I'll lie in his arms and think "Wow, I could actually maybe spend the rest of my life with him... " a thought I've only had one other time in my life (I don't love easily). I dream of being his wife, of having his children, and being a part of his family.
All the things that my monogamous relationships offered. It is also painfully obvious that if there was a good enough reason, my inclusion in the relationship or its status could be renegotiated. Not so much has been said, except for once by the girlfriend, but you just... know.
I deeply love this man, but I pine for a primary partner of my own. Problem is, I want it to be him. But there will be no marraige or familial inclusion, I will never have the status his established partner has. I really feel like the outlier.
There are a lot of other things going on but I'm trying to stay on topic.
Yes, I have thought about seeking a fourth, his girlfriend has people she sees on the side now, but I find the whole thing detracting and not adding. He does a bit of his own flirting on the side as well and I'm just sitting here thinking "Okay, what am I here for?" sometimes.
I know he loves me and I love him, I don't want to leave him esp after he put so much work into establishing a relationship with me in the first place. But it just breaks my heart how this all feels, I'm not "poly," at least it's incredibly depressing having secondary status. I have long bemoaned being the third, just from personal experience and observation.
I feel lonely and wishing I could potentially have this life with him. I do not want him to leave his girlfriend, I just wish I could have what she could have with him too without the painful long process of trying to find another...
God, it makes me cry just thinking of it.
He doesn't want to lose me and I don't want to leave him, he isn't perfect, but for once in my life I have maybe met my match in strength, character, endurance, and so much more.
We have had a rocky ride, and still yet to come, I just don't know how to reconcile all of these things.
*Deep breath* Thanks for listening.
-M
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