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Well, shit.

You did the right thing, of course... and he did the right thing by taking it back to her. But damn. I'm sorry to hear it. :(

Chocolate and wine time? That could maybe be arranged. ;)
 
Well, shit.

You did the right thing, of course... and he did the right thing by taking it back to her. But damn. I'm sorry to hear it. :(

Chocolate and wine time? That could maybe be arranged. ;)

Yes!
 
Going back through my OKC conversations with VintageLover, I see why I was so blindsided. Why, despite him saying he'd told me there might be issues with the single mom previously, he had led me to believe things would be fine.

On July 6, just prior to meeting me, he said:

"I've had little experience with non-monogamy. It was something I am open to and interested in trying more of though.

I've read a lot about polyamory and open relationships.

I am not looking to jump into a heavy long term relationship right off the bat.

I am open and honest with my dates, so there wouldn't be any complications

I am dating, and one woman I've seen several times, but we have talked and she understands my position

She's OK with it for now. She's very relaxed and patient."

I'm still processing all this confusion, texting him a little, and he had been kind enough to be responding. I sent him those quotes, and he said that he'd told me at our first lunch a few days later, that this woman wasn't as cool with him dating as he'd originally thought.

Maybe he did say that, and I just kinda brushed it off.
 
So yesterday, despite mourning Vintage Lover, I got dolled up in a sun dress and met the next prospect at the local Asian place for lunch. It was very pleasant. He was very nice looking, gentlemanly. He's only 34. But he told me prior to meeting, when I mentioned joining a gym to get in shape, he doesn't care what size or age a woman is, as long as there is a meeting of the minds.

He paid for lunch, didn't even give me a chance to offer to split the bill.

He was easy to talk to, a little flirty. Kind of philosophical. Grew up in Queens, NY, but spent a lot of time hanging out in the East Village with all the alternative types. He seems to be a bit of a workaholic, and also into self improvement. He works out and was nice and leanly muscled. Very short hair, cute beard. He travels a lot for work. He's only available weekends and is living north of me, 60 miles away. He told me he moved to New England in December and has only had a couple "bad" dates so far. He told me the details of one date. It was epically bad. He said I was "doing OK" on our date. He touched my knee a few times, and gave me a nice warm hello hug, and a goodbye hug and a cheek kiss.

He texted me this morning and we chatted a little. I happened to mention I was going to complete STD labs tomorrow. I've already had the blood and pee done, tomorrow is the exam, and I'll get the results of the labs from last Monday at this next visit. When I asked when he was last tested, he said, a year ago. His last relationship ended last October. I said, if we are heading towards intimacy, I'd need him to be tested then. He said, Understandable, but then shortly after that, stopped talking.

We had talked about sex and kink during the date. He was open about his kink tastes and skills and how he loved to please a woman. So it only follows we should discuss safer sex. But if me bringing it up today made him uncomfortable, if he doesn't want to get tested, he's not the guy for me. And I can just mourn VintageLover in peace.
 
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Mags, I am very sorry to hear that things didn't work out with Vintage Lover but good on you for getting back on the horse and going to meet someone new even if they have ghosted too. This dating business is hard work and does get demoralizing. Chocolate and wine is a good idea and something good on netflix.
 
Mags, I am very sorry to hear that things didn't work out with Vintage Lover but good on you for getting back on the horse and going to meet someone new even if they have ghosted too. This dating business is hard work and does get demoralizing. Chocolate and wine is a good idea, and something good on netflix.

Thank you Atlantis!

YaH was joking because she lives fairly near me and we'd already scheduled a dinner together, with her bf Chops, too. I brought wine and brownies, they cooked dinner! We talked about polyamory and dating issues (and other things). It was great.

So, I keep thinking about VintageLover. I sure did get a huge crush on that guy. I've realized he's kind of a male version of Pixi! Ginger haired and fair skin with freckles. Quiet, good listener but good storyteller, a little shy but friendly. Kind and gentle and respectful. A bit kinky. Plus his artsy side, etc., etc.

I told my friend T about this whole thing... he asked, well, could you be just friends with him? I wonder if his jealous gf would allow that? I at least want to text him and tell him, if things don't work out with her, I am still interested.

Now as for the next guy, let's call him Exec. Since he travels a lot for work.

He didn't ghost. He got a little cooler for a couple days when I brought up STD testing. But more recently, he's been friendly, asking how my day went and stuff. He has not asked me to get together again this coming weekend, though. I mean, he does live 60 miles away. And he travels all week for work, representing his company.

He did tell me he's been with "a few" women since his last serious relationship. So, even though he told me he had 2 recent bad dates, I guess somewhere somehow, since last October, he got "a few" women to have sex with him. Which doesn't surprise me, as he's very cute and nice and smart, etc. I hope he sees the importance of testing for his own health as well as mine, should we continue. I'm going to text him and see if he does want to see me again, and if so, when!

Now the other subject is HPV. We all know it's extremely common. It's the most common STD, genital HPV. If you've had a few sex partners, even with condom use, you've probably contracted a few strains over your life. The healthy body clears a new transmission generally within less than 2 years.

Well, back in June 2016 when I had the post menopausal vaginal bleeding, I had a Pap and a HPV screen. I was found to have a high risk strain of HPV in my vagina, but no abnormal cells on my cervix. I've been talking to my clinic today by phone to get all these details straight.

So after my clinic checked me, they told me to go to an actual gynecologist to get biopsied for cancer because of the bleeding. I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer, which is unrelated to HPV.

In September of 2016 I had a full hysterectomy. But my oncologist kinda went "meh" about the HPV issue at the time. Like, that didn't matter. In February of 2017 after chemo, I was clear of cancer, the chemo killed any cancer cells that might have escaped my uterus.

In June 2017 I went to my clinic and got a STD screen. I didn't think to bring up HPV (I guess because my oncologist had been so unconcerned at the time and even in followups later in 2017 and this year.) My clinic dr didn't bring it up either, so I just got blood and urine testing done.

But the recent questions from VintageLover about HPV got me thinking. What is my HPV status now? I don't have a uterus or, obviously, cervix, anymore. But have I cleared that HPV strain that was in me back in 2016? If it's a high risk strain, I don't want to pass it to a man, who might then be at tiny risk of anal or throat cancer, or pass it to another woman. Who knows where I got it from? Could be from Pixi via her bf, or any of her prior lovers, could be from any of my own lovers, (or even my husband 9 years ago) over my lifetime.

So my clinic is passing my records to my gyno (who isn't in that clinic). And they are going to confer and see if I should be tested again for HPV. With any luck, I have cleared it. Most people with healthy immune systems do clear it, as I said above. Of course, besides Pixi, I did have sex with 2 men this past winter and spring. Kahlo and Rick. And I had a threesome with Rick and his gf, and she gave me oral sex.

Complicated shit! I have a regularly scheduled appointment with my oncologist this Monday and I will ask her opinion on it too.
 
It's been a couple weeks since my last update so I might need to do a couple of posts.

I have put the HPV issue to rest. My oncologist reassured me that I don't need to worry about it. I don't need a HPV screen, nada. She said since I don't have a uterus/cervix anymore, I am even less transmissable even if there is any virus left in me, which is questionable.

I haven't talked to Exec since my last post. I think he's just super busy. And maybe he's met a gal who'll fuck him without bothering to take an hour to get to a clinic for a STD screen. If so, bless their hearts. Just to check, one last chance, I just texted him. But it's not looking hopeful.

Meanwhile I had 2 dates with yet another guy.

I'm tired.

But he's a nice guy. I'll just call him BigGuy for now, unless some better name comes to mind. He's half South Pacific Islander, so he's tall and big, but muscular and fit nonetheless. He's on a sports team. Half Canadian. But raised in New England.

So our first date was at a nice wine bar/restaurant in Worcester. His choice. When I got there there was no street parking, since there was an event at the convention center/arena across the street. So we texted and I said I didn't have cash for a lot. We met at the lot and he gave me a $10 bill.

The date was fun. He was very cool and nice. About 45. Poly. He has a fiancee and they are getting married in 6 weeks. He has a new gf of 2 months (like VintageLover! But definitely poly, and so is his gf and so is his fiancee).

We had a nice 3 hour chat over wine. We met at 8pm. Also his choice, to just do drinks, not dinner. He has 3 kids from his first marriage, 2 teens and a little one. Shared custody. And his fiancee has 2 school age kids too, also sharing custody with her ex. He works from home and so does she. He seems to be in IT. But it gives him flexibility to meet during the weekdays. We'll see how it works out.

He is very sincere and bright and affectionate and cuddly. Curious and open.

There are strikes against him. He said he was a born again Christian from college til 2 years ago. He found it hard to be Christian the last 10 years of it, but held on.... since his family and the Islanders are devout Christian, he found it hard to let go.

But he just couldn't make sense of it anymore. And he kept making deep connections with women that he couldn't help but feel desire for, So he finally gave up the religion, and his still religious wife, and started over.

So at the end of the date he hugged me and gave me a very nice kiss.... to be continued.
 
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BigGuy isn't concerned about HPV either. And he had a STD check in February. I felt that was good enough for me.

So we texted for another 10 days or so until we meshed schedules to meet again. He came here yesterday from 11am til 2:30. The previous day he expressed a desire to do some "gentle exploring" sexually...

He had to bring work with him, so a few minutes after he arrived he set up his laptop and checked in. Then we moved into our date. Gave him the house tour. He liked it. He got all excited to learn about Pyrex and wants to start going to Savers and looking for it too! He said my displays were so pretty and calming. The whole vintage vibe. I'm glad he liked it.

After the tour we sat in the living room. He was kind of taking up the whole couch but after a while he said, "Wanna cuddle?" and made room for me. So I moved over from the armchair, and we did that, and kept talking. He was asking me about religion. He's still feeling a void where his Christianity used to be. I'm good for him, I think, since I am pagan, but I was raised Christian and have explored other religious and spiritual practices over the decades, and also have made a big study of ancient religions that Judaism and Christianity grew out of.

He was asking me about sacred sex practices in pre-patriarchal times, early patriarchal times. I was telling him my theories and then he started getting more touchy feely, more sexual. His breathing quickened. OK, fine. That's fine by me. Sacred sex is quite an interest of mine, and a turn on.

So we made out a while, fondled, and then he suggested going to the bedroom. And what went on there, was.... OK? Ish?

Not great. Which is why I'd call him naive. I am not sure how many women he was with in high school. But he got born again in college and was celibate, then. He met his wife in college and she was a virgin. They were celibate until their wedding night. They were married like 15 years... But it seems they must have been quite vanilla.

His new gf is into BDSM. He even says she's a Domme. Specifically to her other partner, her primary, who is female. But maybe to him too...

You all know I prefer to sub. But I used to Top or bottom with men. I am rather a Top to Pixi. So i liked this guy enough, I was willing to Top if that is what he wants, especially at first. Although he seems willing to be more Toppy also, but we'll see.

So the sex was kind of awkward first time sex. I hope it improves. Also, he ejaculated during foreplay and didnt get hard enough to fuck when we had a 2nd session, after his refractory period. We tried, but it would get hard and then collapse. sigh

He is a cute guy! I like his looks very much. i like his body. Very manly. He was much cuter in person than in his OKC pix. He is a good kisser, and was good with tongue in the oral sex. But not so great at fingering. Too gentle. I wanted it more intense, especially since we couldn't fuck. I am not shy about telling folks what I want, but I didn't want to overwhelm him when he'd said he wanted "gentle exploration" this time.

Also, sadly, despite being a big guy, his equipment doesn't match. I don't mean to be a size queen, but when both partners are plus size, a bigger cock helps. He's not freakishly small, but on the small side of average. Smaller than Kahlo. We need to work on positioning next time, if he manages to not have premature ejaculation! :rolleyes:

He was interested in some kink things, but we just touched on the edges of a couple things... just more of a simple demo than really getting into it.

Anyway, finally he seemed to become distracted, so I encouraged him to check in to work again. He was hungry so I made him a snack. then he had to leave to take a kid to the orthodontist.

I'd had anticipation and a bit of anxiety leading up to this date. Now I am a bit disappointed. But I hadn't gotten my hopes way up. We'll see where this leads. Mostly I am just glad and relieved we had a second date. And he's cute and friendly and sincere and cuddly, etc., etc. I like him.

I don't have a big crush on him. I also don't want to settle for just good enough. But I never seem to meet men who are perfect for me, the way Pixi is nearly perfect for me as a female partner and lover and friend.

I haven't seen anyone else on OKC lately who is as appealing as BigGuy lately, though, so I'll keep an open mind. Also my sex drive is a bit lower lately, I think because I am getting so little of it.

In other news, Pixi was home for a few days between sessions again last week.We had my son here a couple nights despite her tiredness. It was fun. We had one last Leo birthday dinner. Went back to the tiki paradise Kowloon, which is so awesome. My son loved it. Pixi and Son played their video games. He'd been missing her. Everyone misses her in summer. She did also manage to spend 2 nights at her bf's.

So she's now on her 4th session at camp. The first session was 3 weeks. The last one and this one are just one week. Then she has almost 2 weeks off, and then just 2 long weekend sessions.

Oh, I also visited her at camp in the last week of July!. I got there just before lunchtime on her birthday. I am glad I've been working out and getting in halfway decent shape, because we did a good deal of hiking around camp, and I did well. We also stole a golf cart from the nurses and rode around some. I loved meeting all her coworkers and seeing camp in action. I never had before! It was fascinating. She was so popular and loved and respected. I'm super proud of her.

We got a motel room at the end of the day, then ate dinner out, and then had a comfortable night's sleep. A treat for her birthday. I went back to camp the next morning to drop her off, ate breakfast there, listened in on a couple of her leader meetings, and then headed home before lunch.
 
I heard back from Exec. Once again, he was just sort of conventional: Happy Thursday, how are you? I wrote back today, fine how are you? Just busy? He replied, I'm always running around. How is Pixi?

Well, it couldn't have been more bland or non-committal, right? I thought for a while and just now wrote back and outright asked if he was interested in meeting again, or is he too busy, too far away, or just not feeling a spark?

Because I aint got time for this pointless, "Happy whatever day, how are you?" crap. Shit or get off the pot, dude.

ha

I did text a little with Big Guy since our date. He's got a big game or tournament for his team sport today and tomorrow, and is all excited. He is sweet and interested in me.

Otherwise, my life has been a round of breaking down appliances. All in a couple weeks, the hall toilet stopped flushing, the dryer stopped spinning and the dishwasher wouldnt fill. Finally today the landlady coordinated a plumber to come and install the new dishwasher. The toilet was replaced, and dryer were fixed last week. We have a functional house! knock wood.

The new dishwasher is so modern and high tech, and it's brushed chrome which doesn't match the stove and fridge. I think it's stupidly designed too. The buttons to operate it are on the top edge of the door, horizontal to the counter, and the door juts out an inch when the door is shut. So you get the modern "sleek" look to the door. But now you've got buttons directly in harms way of every drip and crumb from the counter. It makes me angry! One more thing to have to be hyper-vigilant about. I can just imagine one misplaced poppy seed, or drip of coffee or juice, and we have a non functioning dishwasher again!

The plumber and landlady agreed this is stupid design, but it's all Lowe's had, this sleek idea with the buttons on the top edge of door.

But we are just renters, and beggars can't be choosers. And I know some apartment dwellers don't even have dishwashers. So I'm done complaining. lol
 
Well I soon heard back again from Exec after I told him I wasn't sure if he was ghosting or still interested, or too busy, or too far away, or not feeling enough of a spark.

Right away he apologized, said he wasn't ghosting, work was stressing him out a lot, he wasn't getting enough sleep, he'd locked himself away from the world.

And then he asked me out. Next Tuesday. I said, what should we do? (Thinking I don't trust him enough to just have him come to my house.) He suggested a movie. If I liked action, how about Mission Impossible? I said OK.

Action movies aren't my usual cup of tea. But once in a while they can be fun. I asked, can we get a drink afterwards to chat some? He said, heck yeah.

Then I said, OK, well I thought maybe you'd met someone closer to home. THEN he seemingly contradicted himself and said he's been "dating a tiny bit."

Oh! Aha, I thought.

He said, "People I've known. Nothing serious."

This is dinging my "sketchy guy" radar. Was he overstressed at work and not sleeping and closed off to the world, or dating "people" since our date? That seems highly contradictory.

Oh well, I'll go to the movie and have a drink and bring that up. And reiterate that getting STD labs done is the price of admission with me. That will probably scare him off enough, he can go back to those "people he's known a while," and I can move on. I am getting a playboy vibe from him. He obviously doesn't "get" polyamory. Did he think I'd be jealous he was seeing others, and so magnify the stress at work idea to hide the idea he'd neglected me to see his others? I will be upfront on our date and make him know I require complete transparency and honesty.

In other news, I was having trouble sleeping last night. I am coming down with a cold. And my sister is going through some big issues right now, her husband is very ill. A bad reaction to prednisone has thrown him into such depression/anxiety he's practically psychotic.

And my friend T's mother is dying. She was given 72 hours to live over a week ago. They took her off life support and she's stayed alive for a week! Unconscious on morphine. He's been at her bedside non stop all week except going home to sleep. Poor guy.

So I got up at 5:30 am today. I looked at my phone and there were several texts from VintageLover just sent about 20 minutes earlier. He works nights so he was up even though it was a weekend.

to be continued
 
VintageLover and I texted for about half an hour. He said he and his gf both had issues with the practice of "talking to the exes."

I guess I am his ex... I'd noticed when I'd text him and show him pix of my newest thrifting finds, his responses were becoming more brief, he didn't show me anything he got, he didn't talk of anything else going on in his life. So I was ready for this type of goodbye.

As far as I know, he's living with his real ex, his lying gf of 3 years, until Sept 1. So why it makes such a huge difference that he and I chat only as friends, I don't know. His new gf must be extremely territorial. He also seems to have concerns she is talking to her ex(es)? She's got a kid from her former h. Is she talking to him "too much?" I don't know the answers to this, I didn't ask.

I warned him that he shouldn't be twisting himself into a pretzel to get along with his gf (3 months together at this point). He assured me he isn't, she's great. I said it takes time for NRE happy hormones to settle into trust and real love. But he seems to think they have trust and real love already. Hm.

How much trust do they have if they are both anxious about the other "talking to exes?" I don't know, and it's not my business.

I still think he's being too trusting with no reason to be. Maybe he's confusing trust with fear. And settling for someone that really isn't what he claims to want (since he doesn't want kids). And in rebound mode to boot.

He didn't speak to the kid aspect, but claimed to not be in rebound, since he'd been broken up and dating "for months" before committing to his new gf.

But he was so sweet to me. Kept telling me to "take care." Finally I said, you told me to take care 4 times. I guess you really want me to be safe. ;) He said, i guess I'm just a really nice guy. And I finally didn't respond to that.

He is too nice. It sounds like he's a people pleaser. He hated to let me down, I could tell. I could tell he really likes me. But she's got her hooks into him.

He is 37. At my age now, I see 30somethings as goofy adolescents. I feel one really doesn't accept and know oneself until 40-50ish. And often it's women who accept and love and respect themselves at that age, and stop overextending themselves to others, and stop taking shit from people.

Men in general are often grown children with no self knowledge. Stay that way all their lives. Our culture doesn't encourage introspection for men. Some men gain wisdom, but others never do.

I told VintageLover I'd be here if and when it didn't work out with his new gf. I can't help but like the guy. He's kind and respectful. Maybe too optimistic and with jealousy issues. But i think we could have had a good thing if I'd only met him first.
 
hi Magdlyn,

I actually read through your entire journal. Sometimes I find it interesting to see how people's journeys progress, so thank you for sharing yours!

I was particularly interested in your comments about OKC- do you really have that poor of experience when you are the one contacting potential partners? I tend to find if I wait for people to message me that I get mostly stupid messages, while if someone responds to mine we usually develop at least a fun and respectful dialogue. My last two serious relationships were both from OKC (including my husband!) and I messaged both of them first, and now I have a live one on the line I'm hoping will go somewhere.

Admittedly, I don't switch, but I don't exclude the possibility of dating vanilla men, so they're not strictly submissive either. But I guess I haven't run into men I'd describe weak or whatnot- I forget what word you used.

I don't know if that's something you might want to have a discussion about or if this is an inappropriate place to do so, but I'm curious about your experiences!
 
I actually read through your entire journal. Sometimes I find it interesting to see how people's journeys progress, so thank you for sharing yours!

You're welcome!

I was particularly interested in your comments about OKC- do you really have that poor of experience when you are the one contacting potential partners? I tend to find if I wait for people to message me that I get mostly stupid messages, while if someone responds to mine we usually develop at least a fun and respectful dialogue. My last two serious relationships were both from OKC (including my husband!) and I messaged both of them first, and now I have a live one on the line I'm hoping will go somewhere.

Admittedly, I don't switch, but I don't exclude the possibility of dating vanilla men, so they're not strictly submissive either. But I guess I haven't run into men I'd describe weak or whatnot- I forget what word you used.

I don't know if that's something you might want to have a discussion about or if this is an inappropriate place to do so, but I'm curious about your experiences!

You probably remember more about what I said than I do... I guess yeah, since I prefer to be more of a bottom, I seem to do better if I wait. But sometimes I still message first, if I just can't resist.

I get a ton of stupid messages. And I get answers if I message first, but often the men turn out to be way too introverted or shy, or confused about what they want, or on the rebound from another relationship, etc., etc.
 
So I didn't have that movie date with Exec. He was driving a medium size truck of his company's product to a delivery or something, and went on a Boston road that doesn't allow trucks, early one morning, probably on auto pilot, and hit an overpass. One of my friends said she saw it on the news. So that was the day of our date. He didn't lose his job. He says he wasn't hurt. He let me know what had happened almost as soon as it happened, but he hasn't asked me out on another date yet!!! It must be a month since our first date. I give up.

BigGuy and I still text fairly regularly, but it's down to the wire before his wedding and he's busy driving an Uber when he isn't doing his regular job, to make all the money he can to pay for the wedding! So I'm not pressing to get together until after they are married and resettled.

Pixi has been home for a week and it's been GREAT. So lovely to reconnect with her finally again, for a decent amount of time! We have been having a lot of fun. She is here until Friday. And will be back the following Monday.

She also spent 2 nights at her bf's over the weekend. They've been doing lots of gardening. So much, in fact, he hurt his back. Oops.

I went swimming at my son's lake finally since we had one nice day (when it's not raining or blisteringly hot and humid), and Pixi was at her bf's. It was so pleasant to be outdoors. The water was perfect. We spent 2 1/2 hours in the water! I did some of my exercises, and we just floated and swam slowly back and forth and talked and joked around and looked at cute little kids in the water, and dragonflies. Had a simple picnic before we went in the water. I'm glad I get along with my son so well.

So I'm just kind of in a holding pattern dating-wise but I don't really mind. It was getting to be too much work. Pixi is so superior to any men I've met. Ha!

My gym's indoor pool is closed for 2 weeks for cleaning so I am going to go to the lake again on Thursday if it's as nice again as they say it will be. This time Pixi will come too.

My friend T's mom finally passed away after 15 days with no life support. Incredible. He took a final exam at his college the day before she died. And then again, another exam the next day right after she died! And planned the elaborate Catholic wake and funeral and everything immediately afterward. Poor guy. Now he can rest!

My sister's husband is still having his "nervous breakdown." It's been a month and he isn't improving despite meds. Insanity. I guess she thinks it's partly a drug reaction (prednisone) and partly a transition time since he is 65 and maybe needs to semi retire, since his physically demanding job is starting to be too much. He's one of those macho guys who see retirement as a curse! Asshole. He's making my sister's life a living hell. I really really dislike this guy. I don't know how she can stand him. Right wing jerk.

I went to see Crazy Rich Asians with my friend K the other day. It was the chickiest chick flick that ever chicked. Nice it was an all Asian cast. It was funny and romantic. But quite formulaic. But K needed something to escape into. She's so stressed about question 3 on our November ballot.

https://ballotpedia.org/Massachuset...ity_Anti-Discrimination_Veto_Referendum_(2018)
 
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Haven't seen you post lately, Mags. Hope you are well!
 
Thanks Meera, it's nice to be missed. I'm fine.

I've kind of given up on dating so I have nothing of import to relate in actual poly goings on. The one nice guy (I called him Big Guy) I had a couple nice dates with, got married and went on his honeymoon. We chatted a couple times a week. He even messaged me from his honeymoon lol. I haven't heard from him much since he's been back this past week or so. I'm not surprised, since he and his new wife have 5 kids between them, who were left behind with their other parents, while they were on their trip... So they are doubtless catching up with them, getting them started back to school, etc.

Plus Big Guy is a sub... and our first sex was awkward... not terrible, not great. I appreciate he finds me interesting, and he's a nice guy. But he has 5 kids, a wife, a gf he admits to being in NRE with. Too busy for a real relationship with me, to be honest. Not really what I'm looking for. I'm just not feeling too motivated. He hasn't asked to get together since he's been back, but I haven't suggested it either.

I'm just really into Pixi right now. Maybe I'm just over trying to get with new men. It's so much work and so little in return lately. I do miss great sex and orgasms and kink with men. I'd like a nice smart cute youngish, poly, maybe queer or non binary guy. Not finding any lately on the dating sites. I only check for messages sporadically.

That Exec guy hasn't been in touch since his truck accident. He was too far away, too busy anyway. So I'm just sort of chilling. It's weird that I'd had 75 messages over the first half of this year when I was seeing Kahlo and not checking OKC. But out of all those messages, and dates with 4 guys, nothing really developed into anything! Ridiculous.

However, in other news, life has been nice now that summer is winding down. Pixi got done with her job at camp. She was extremely successful there and so happy. So. She came home, spent one day sleeping and eating, one day with her bf, and then she and I went back to her camp so she could finish up a little organizing there. But we made it a 5 day mini vacation! We had the whole entire camp practically to ourselves. One year round caretaker was there a bit. We only saw her once. She lives off site. Another colleague of Pixi's was there for 3 days, also to clean and organize. Great, femmey gay guy, hilarious. So we spent some time with him, went out for seafood one night, had a hike, saw a beaver dam and lodge, had a cook fire. He and I had archery lessons from Pixi, which was awesome! Oh and we found a huge edible mushroom called chicken of the woods on our hike. We cooked it in aluminum foil over the fire with garlic and butter and it was delicious. We also baked corn on the cob and potatoes in the coal, and cooked veggie shish kabob and hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill.

There were many beaver and wiener jokes that day!!!

Camp has a couple dozen fire pits all over the place. They were used back in the day by boy scouts, back when there was less fire safety worries. This camp has been used continuously for nearly 100 years. Nowadays Pixi's camp only uses one fire pit. But we were on our own and could do what we wanted! We used one fire pit right next to the lake beach for our fires all nights but one, when we used the official fire pit. What a spot for a fire, by the lake, what a view! Peaceful water, stars... the moon was in a dark phase so the stars were incredible. The thrilling sort of mournful yet beautiful songs of the loons in our ears. It brought back memories of all the camping my family did when I was a kid and teenager.

The weather was good mostly. We swam on the hottest day. Just the 2 of us at the camp for most of the time. 50+ acres to ourselves! We had fires every night and cooked dinner over the fire twice. Once with Pixi's colleague, who was super nice, funny, enthusiastic, caring. And Pixi's bf came for 24 hours. We cooked over the fire when he was there too.

I don't often get to hang out with Pixi's bf, but he's a sweet guy so it was a treat to get to know him better! He's been to one of T's parties with Pixi and me, and he was here to help Pixi cope with putting her dog down. Otherwise I've barely met him. So that was fun.

Pixi and I got to use the fanciest cabin at camp to sleep, shower, make coffee. It is usually reserved for VIPs. It was extremely cute and comfy. Only 3 years old. Pine paneled walls and ceilings. Perfect pine floor. Kitchen with sink and microwave and fridge. Full bathroom. Ceiling fans and even an AC in the bedroom window! We spent time on the porch a couple nights after sitting at the fire. Sat up til 3 am one night. Drinking, talking, looking at thousands of stars we can't see at home. We saw a huge comet with a tail! Listened to owls and loons. Drunkenly hooted back at the owls. So awesome.

The night Pixi's bf spent at camp, I let him sleep with Pixi in the fancy cabin and I slept alone in a nearby old but fixed up cabin under and on top of lots of sleeping bags on a cot. Wouldn't you know that was the coldest night! And that cabin wasn't insulated. And the windows were just screens. It went down to 47 degrees. And summer has been so hot. It was weird. Luckily there was a space heater. And the dining hall basement has tons of extra sleeping bags kids have left behind. They are washed and clean; so we took a couple for me to use that night. Plus I had the blankets we brought. It was an adventure.

It was a trip for Pixi to be at camp just to enjoy, and not be working with kids!

As usual, like in previous summers, there was tons of food left in the dining hall kitchen fridge and freezer and pantries that would have been dumped if we didn't take it. We got snacks (goldfish crackers, potato and tortilla chips, cookies) and veggies, fruit and chicken tenders, milk and half and half, cheeses, ice cream sandwiches, cereal, yogurt, 7 quarts of chocolate chips (!), french toast, sunflower butter, strawberry jam, sriracha, mustard, OJ, and a 10 lb beef brisket! Our fridge and freezer are packed.

The day after we got home from camp, we smoked the brisket out on our deck. We didn't have room for it on our freezer. We invited 10 people, mostly other camp workers, plus a few other friends. Invited my son too, but unfortunately he was sick. He was so bummed not to be able to come help cook and eat the brisket. We had a real fun party. 7 guests showed up including my ex Punk and our friends K and T. I love Pixi's coworkers. Being counselors at camp, they have great social skills, empathy, senses of humor, energy, etc. One in particular I'd only met briefly before so it was great to get to know him better. I kind of have a crush on him and so does Pixi! lol

We offered chocolate chips to our guests and 2 or 3 people took a quart. We really didn't need 7 quarts. lol

We spent a lot of time riding around camp in the super golf cart that's been customized for the hilly terrain there. So fun. Of course, all the jouncing wore my poor back out. I did great at camp though in general, given my bad back. So glad I've been exercising at the gym. Our last vacation was less strenuous but my back herniated. This time it didn't! And I was hiking and everything. That said, I am 63 and so I needed this past week to recover from all the activity. :rolleyes:

The pool at my gym was closed for 2 weeks to be cleaned. But I swam once each of those weeks, at my son's lake and at camp. But now the gym pool is open again and I attended my water exercise classes Friday and yesterday. Great to be back.
 
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VintageLover messaged me on OK Cupid last night. I saw it this morning.

He broke up with that single mom. For the reasons I predicted.

Well well. Well well well.

I texted him. That woman had "asked him" to delete my phone number. But he answered my text right away.

He still wants me. I guess I still want him. I had given up all thoughts of him, since 2 months went by.

We chatted briefly but he had things to do so we are going to talk again soon.
 
A cautious Yay yay! Vintage Lover sounded so promising before and has presumably figured himself out more now. Was it this month his Ex is moving out? Having her gone may help him be more confident in his choices.

Leetah
 
A cautious Yay yay! Vintage Lover sounded so promising before and has presumably figured himself out more now. Was it this month his Ex is moving out? Having her gone may help him be more confident in his choices.

Leetah

Yes, she was supposed to move out September 1st, as I recall.

Unfortunately he told me he'd text me again later that same day, Friday, or yesterday... and he didn't! Argh. I texted him around 8pm last night. Still waiting to hear. God, maybe he got back with single mom or something? The world waits and wonders.

VERY cautious yay indeed.
 
VintageLover finally texted me yesterday (Monday). Sure enough, he got back with that mono chick. Guess it wasn't a real breakup after all.

I don't predict good things for them, since they don't share basic relationship goals. But good luck to them. Even if they really do break up eventually, I'm done with the guy. He's too wishy washy, seemingly a pushover, and I had enough of that shit with my husband! Like my ex, he also has some good qualities, but not enough to overcome this lack of boundaries.

BigGuy also texted me yesterday! It was a day to hear from the men. Sure enough, he's been very busy with his wife, their 5 kids and his job, since the wedding/honeymoon. He said he's been having sexy kinky thoughts about me, and his life is gradually settling down... but he didn't actually say, let's get together, and I sure didn't!

I feel sad I don't have regular sex from a bf right now. But in a way, I don't want all the mess of someone's life mixed in with mine. I just don't have the energy. I need a "no drama" or little drama guy, if any.

I missed Pixi all summer, and we've been making up for lost time, sex-wise, anyway!

My life is full. I've been seeing lots of my friend K, supporting her in her activism work. She is very very busy doing so much public speaking right now to get people to vote for transgender public rights on our ballot Nov 6. Our Republican governor signed this protection into law 2 years ago, but now right wing haters put it on our ballot, to get rid of civil rights for transpeople. K is frantic about keeping these rights, since her life was an absolute mess in Tennessee as a kid and adult, when she came out. Yesterday I drove to her house and did all the dishes she's been too exhausted/depressed to wash, and cleaned her counters and stove too. And just hung out and talked. Cheered her up some. She's got 10 speaking dates lined up in the next 6 weeks before the election. I went to another taping of her TV show last Saturday, and she's got another show to tape, with a Senator, before the election too.

So if you're in Massachusetts, please Vote Yes on question 3!!! You will save lives. Transwomen can not be expected to use men's bathrooms. They will get beaten up, raped and killed. Ridiculous idea. And since the governor signed the law to let people use the bathroom suiting their gender, there has been no increase in crime, no assaults on women and girls in women's bathrooms by "men in dresses." Right wingers have put out a TV ad, claiming this to be (potentially or actually) happening, but it's a complete lie.

My son is finally here for a visit, after hardly seeing Pixi all summer. He loves her so. We are going to smoke another (smaller) brisket on Thursday, it's going to be warm and sunny again. And on Saturday he and Pixi's bf are finally going to help us take our old living room couch to the dump, and get Pixi's bf's old but like new couch in here. He doesn't need it since he moved and got a sectional instead, since he changed from apartment living to a big house. Her bf is only 37 but he has a bad back too. But he has a handyman who he might hire to help with lifting. He might even rent a truck or van to move couches around. His couch has been sitting in his dining room for close to a year. So once he gets it out of there, he can actually get a dining room table! He's motivated.

Also we'll get my son to help Pixi finish rewiring the lights in our hall. We didn't quite finish that project in June, since it hurt my back to reach up and help her do it.

I picked him up after I visited K, since they live in the same area. Pixi has set up a music studio in our basement, with 2 keyboards she ordered for camp. We get to use them until next June. And she set up her new theremin. And 2 old Peavey speakers from camp they no longer needed. My son can now also plug in his electric guitar when he visits. They were having a blast last night messing around. We have invited another musical friend to come here on brisket night, so they can all jam on the new equipment. My son can also play a keyboard. He can play pretty much any instrument he picks up. He said all we need now is an electronic drum kit. HA!
 
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