Newbie here!

Mmadero39

New member
Hi all. I am new to the site and new to a poly relationship.

My husband and I originally started looked for a sperm donor as my husband is not fertile and a family is what we have both wanted for such a long time. i had no idea this is what our quest would lead us to.

The talk of a poly relationship had came up a few times, but I never thought he would even consider it. He became so jealous of another man being with me, that he had opened up that he is bi.

We both now have a boyfriend, and this man is going to be a sperm donor as well to help us become a family. My goal and hopes out of this is to become one big happy family. Where all of our needs are being met.

There has been plenty of jealousy between myself and him battling his own demons about holding the bi side of himself in for so long. I was hurt he felt he needed to keep this side hidden. I understand his fears, but I love this man with everything in me. Nothing will make me run for the hills with him.

We have been in this relationship for a few weeks now, and I can honestly say I have never been happier. This feels so right. I am so scared we will get hurt. I have to keep telling myself that whatever happens, my husband and I will be together regardless. We have been through so much over the years. I can not imagine going through this with any other person in the world.

Marcus, our boyfriend is being very supportive and would love for me to bring in more men to our relationship, if and when that time comes. My husband is not sure about adding another boyfriend, and I too hold those same fears.


As of right now, I just want to have fun. Explore my husbands bi side and see how this threesome relationship goes. I feel myself falling for this new man. It is so primal and feels so right to me to have another man and my husband
in the mix.


Anyways. Sorry for rambling and thank you for reading. I hope to learn and grow on this forum. Not sure what label our threesome would be called, but to me it feels so right. Something I feel I have been missing for a long time.

Melissa :)
 
Greetings Melissa,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sounds like you are at the beginning of a wonderful journey. Perhaps this site will help you travel along with not so many bumps in the road.

It sounds like you have an FMM triad. Whatever it's called, it's making you happy and that's what matters. I hope your husband is able to work through whatever his issues may be, and just be able to accept himself.

Glad to have you with us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Wow that is a great story. I hope your husband becomes more comfortable in expressing his sexuality and I hope you all have the relationship you hope for. Best wishes to you and your family :)
 
You have got a lot on your plate. You have a bf and a husband. Your husband has a bf and a wife. The bf just happens to be the same man.

4 relationships going on here:

You and husband
You and boyfriend
Husband and boyfriend
You and husband and boyfriend

Now add in that you've only known bf a few weeks. Now add in that you want to bring a baby into the mix. There will be 4 more new r'ships:

You and baby
Husband and baby
Bf and baby
You and husband and boyfriend and baby

Have you already shared STI screens amongst the three of you and moved on to unprotected sex? What if bf gets you pregnant and then it turns out the r'ship with you and him doesn't work out? What if bf gets you pregnant and it turns out the r'ship with him and husband doesn't work out?

A newborn is very demanding and takes almost all one's energy to care for it. Meanwhile you're infatuated with bf and so is your husband. And your h is struggling in expressing his bi nature. And I am sure you two will have things to work out with bf-- who knows if he is really long term relationship material, much less someone you will want to be linked with forever as the bio dad of your (hypothetical) child. You will need legal advice if you do conceive. He won't have any legal rights to the child automatically, since you are married to another man.

Surely it isn't time to get a 3rd man into the mix!! Fantasies are nice, but they are just that, fantasies.

My advice is to let the fog of NRE (new relationship energy, hormonally based) dissipate a little before conceiving a child. See if bf has long term potential. See what living arrangements will be like. What if one of you gets a job and needs to move and the other(s) can't or don't want to move? Do you, husband, bf have other family in the area who will need to know of your triad and want to be involved with the baby? Would your h's parents be supportive of this child, knowing it isn't their son's bio child, but a child of his bf?

Etc., etc.

And, if everything does work out, if bf is great, living with him is great for all 3 of you, no one has to move away anytime soon, you conceive the baby, it is born and healthy, I'd also recommend raising that child to at least age 2 before seeking a 3rd male partner.
 
newbie steps

Hi and welcome!

I'm with Mags and Cindy girl on this one. You have just stepped in the waters. It's early and the excitement of love relationships AND the NRE of Poly itself as well! It's quiet freeing and nurturing and feels amazing to live it daily. There's no right way to be Poly but there are common factors in all relationships, boundties, communication,trust, respect, honesty and like you mentioned, jealousy. Then you add in the emotions of fertility and self discovery. The waters of multiple relationships and hearts May need to be tread lightly and learn the waters with the sailors on your ship currently. This path is very young for you and a strong foundation on knowing the waves of the water with experience could make you a solid Captin of your soul. I wish you so much joy in your path and hope love endures with all.

Peace
 
You have got a lot on your plate. You have a bf and a husband. Your husband has a bf and a wife. The bf just happens to be the same man.

4 relationships going on here:

You and husband
You and boyfriend
Husband and boyfriend
You and husband and boyfriend

Now add in that you've only known bf a few weeks. Now add in that you want to bring a baby into the mix. There will be 4 more new r'ships:

You and baby
Husband and baby
Bf and baby
You and husband and boyfriend and baby

Have you already shared STI screens amongst the three of you and moved on to unprotected sex? What if bf gets you pregnant and then it turns out the r'ship with you and him doesn't work out? What if bf gets you pregnant and it turns out the r'ship with him and husband doesn't work out?

A newborn is very demanding and takes almost all one's energy to care for it. Meanwhile you're infatuated with bf and so is your husband. And your h is struggling in expressing his bi nature. And I am sure you two will have things to work out with bf-- who knows if he is really long term relationship material, much less someone you will want to be linked with forever as the bio dad of your (hypothetical) child. You will need legal advice if you do conceive. He won't have any legal rights to the child automatically, since you are married to another man.

Surely it isn't time to get a 3rd man into the mix!! Fantasies are nice, but they are just that, fantasies.

My advice is to let the fog of NRE (new relationship energy, hormonally based) dissipate a little before conceiving a child. See if bf has long term potential. See what living arrangements will be like. What if one of you gets a job and needs to move and the other(s) can't or don't want to move? Do you, husband, bf have other family in the area who will need to know of your triad and want to be involved with the baby? Would your h's parents be supportive of this child, knowing it isn't their son's bio child, but a child of his bf?

Etc., etc.

And, if everything does work out, if bf is great, living with him is great for all 3 of you, no one has to move away anytime soon, you conceive the baby, it is born and healthy, I'd also recommend raising that child to at least age 2 before seeking a 3rd male partner.

Actually, depending on the state, it may be the husband who has no legal rights to the child. If things explode and BF wants custody, etc., in most states it's the bio parent, not the marriage partners, who have all the rights. So, theoretically, if the BF wants to end the relationship and move away, or doesn't want the husband to have visitation, etc., there's every shot in the world that a court would grant him those wishes (assuming he's a fit parent with means, etc.) at the same rate they'e likely to grant those things if it were a single woman fighting for custody. Alternately, if the BF wants nothing to do with the child at some point, in almost all states he is legally obliged to help pay for it's care, even if the mother is married.

My strong advice--seriously, I can't stress this enough--is to seek legal counsel before getting pregnant!!! There are so many legal ramifications that people simply don't think about with things like this until they're embroiled in a crappy situation that ends up hurting everyone involved (esp. the theoretical child).
 
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