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  #21  
Old 01-03-2016, 08:29 AM
Boaz Boaz is offline
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Originally Posted by 47newbie View Post
I think the only my only concern with porn is that it turns sex into a sport or theatrical event rather that intimacy. While sex is a sport for some, in hopes of deriving self pleasure, I'm not sure self pleasure advances the cause of sharing and loving others.
It may be old fashion but isn't polyamory about connecting and sharing with others over self gradification?
Certainly always seeking self-pleasure to the exclusion of your partners needs and desires is not an indication of a loving, sharing, and intimate relationship, but sex is a multifaceted experience that is not kept in a static emotional or physical space. As our moods change, so do our desires. Sometimes what we crave is the sense of unity gained from slow, attentive lovemaking (grokking them in their fullness), sometimes it is a quickie, or maybe laughing playful sex, or the edginess of rough-play or one of any number of other manifestations of sex- and sometimes you just want a debauched bump-and-grind athletic fuckfest. Sometimes there is mutuality involved, sometimes one partner is the focus more than the other. But physically one-sided play that does not mean there has to be a lack of emotional intimacy. Ask anyone who gives intimate massages...

Consequently, I think its a bit unfair to try and pigeon-hole sex-as-sport as being inherently detrimental to intimate relationships. Even in one night stands, when the animal passions are possibly at their fullest flow and its all about the physical, I have had some profoundly connecting and emotionally intimate experiences.

I guess in my long-winded and rambling way I am just trying to say that you need to be careful about confusing the outer appearances (physical grunt-and-sweat sex) for the inner landscape (intimate connection). The two are related in strange and mysterious ways that are not always straight forward.

Regarding porn itself, I don't think porn is a completely innocent vice, but I think the democratisation of porn and its wide-spread availability has made it a lot more transparent and ethical and I am morally happy watching it. I have no doubt the number of porn stars that were exploited during the early days of the VCR revolution of the 1980s were a lot higher than they are now, even though there is a hell of a lot more professional porn being made today. Women are more educated and confident in themselves than they were 'back in the day', and there is a lot more scope to give voice regarding complaints and abuses through blogging and fan forums then there ever has been. Amateur porn is a bit more two edged. On the one hand, what could be more ethical and open than consenting adults freely distributing their sexual encounters? But on the other hand there is the blight of revenge porn, the purveyors of which are scum.

Also, at one stage I got quite friendly with a student health medical doctor and one of the conversations that came up was injuries caused by inexperienced attempts at anal sex. Svelt young porn starlets easily taking large members without any discernible preparation had given guys and girls an unreasonable impression of what is entailed (pardon the pun) with anal sex.

And speaking of porn, didja know the world's oldest surviving full-intercourse porn film dates from 1915 and is available on the web?

/Adam
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  #22  
Old 01-04-2016, 02:05 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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"Didja know the world's oldest surviving full-intercourse porn film dates from 1915 and is available on the web?"
Freaky.
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  #23  
Old 01-12-2016, 03:21 PM
DrDrosselbart DrDrosselbart is offline
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My gf and I have often watched porn together to get aroused and sometimes it was quite hard to find something we both liked^^ it didn't damage our relationship in any way. it was actually quite nice to watch porn together, just like almost everything else is nice if done as a couple. on several occasions, we just kept watching a video for the hilarity of it because of bad make up, poor clothing choices, ridiculous conversations, horrible acting, actors' grunting noises, actresses' exaggerated fake moaning and so on.

I never really reflected on the ethical aspects of porn. Maybe it's because I never considered the actresses and/or actors being a part of it involuntarily. It never seemed that way, anyway. It's definitely worth considering, though.
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  #24  
Old 10-29-2017, 08:58 PM
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brianinindy brianinindy is offline
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How about sites like xtube (amateur site) xvideos, xhamsters and such?
I'm very into porn for solo use and occasionally with a partner if they enjoy it too. I'm just beginning to explore xtube and cam4 (both amateur sites) and may even make some videos of my own just to get the full experience of the site.

I will say, though, that porn can be overused and relied on too heavily. I've seen friends become unable to perform during sex with a partner without having porn on, and that is something I just can't fathom.
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  #25  
Old 11-01-2017, 07:23 AM
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NinaGood NinaGood is offline
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Originally Posted by DrDrosselbart View Post
My gf and I have often watched porn together to get aroused and sometimes it was quite hard to find something we both liked^^ it didn't damage our relationship in any way. it was actually quite nice to watch porn together, just like almost everything else is nice if done as a couple. on several occasions, we just kept watching a video for the hilarity of it because of bad make up, poor clothing choices, ridiculous conversations, horrible acting, actors' grunting noises, actresses' exaggerated fake moaning and so on.

I never really reflected on the ethical aspects of porn. Maybe it's because I never considered the actresses and/or actors being a part of it involuntarily. It never seemed that way, anyway. It's definitely worth considering, though.
Same with me, I can watch porn ( mostly cam shows from Sexedchat ) together with my BF from time to time, never took it serious, just want to upbring diversity into our private life, why not.
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  #26  
Old 11-01-2017, 10:29 AM
sunray sunray is offline
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If anybody is looking for some good quality porn, I really enjoyed the content on A Four Chambered Heart. Super real, very artsy, produced by one of the performers and funded through Patreon. I was a subscriber for seven months and then couldnít fit it into my budget anymore, but I felt that $9 a month was reasonable given the super high quality of the content! And if you donít want to pay, the free trailers on their site, while necessarily less explicit, are still pretty awesome.
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  #27  
Old 11-01-2017, 05:51 PM
icesong icesong is offline
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C
And speaking of porn, didja know the world's oldest surviving full-intercourse porn film dates from 1915 and is available on the web?
Huh, and now I've seen that... Yes, I had to go look it up (on Wikipedia of all places). Not really sexy in the slightest but certainly an interesting piece of history.
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  #28  
Old 11-06-2017, 11:04 PM
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My mind and heart cannot seem to agree where it comes to porn.

My mind says, "There is nothing objectively wrong with this, so long as everyone is of age and has given informed consent to everything involved (not just the sex, but the filming and the distribution thereof.)"

In fact, my brain has a keen appreciation for some bits of the industry, as I watched a documentary (can't remember but it may have been on Netflix, and I know it was part of a series) about women making very artful porn. One woman...from Spain I think?...was making porn centered around the women and concepts of intimacy. The other was carrying on her mother's work and struggling to keep her business going in an era of free content.

My brain appreciates all of that.

My heart says, "He looks the vast variety of beautiful women online, because you're not good enough and you can't be ever." and it's not rational, and I've tried to reason with it, and it doesn't listen. The only thing that pushes back effectively, is thinking very deliberate thoughts about the many ways in which Zen proves to me how loved I am. But there are times I think of his love of porn and my heart still whines like an abandoned puppy.

My poor Zen, my love...I have told him that the only way I think I can enjoy it, is in context of him "forcing" me to watch it as a power thing. It would be the power exchange override being pushed in my mind that would make it work. And he keeps trying to find particular videos I would enjoy on their own merits, that would turn me on in their own right, and it just...it doesn't work so well.

But too, I have never been able to roleplay. I remember another little girl playing with Barbies when I was a kid, doing all of these roleplay scenarios, and other children pretending to be this and that...and it was all so awkward and weird to me. So I can't imagine myself in the places of the people in porn. My mind doesn't work like that.

One thing though, I used to be horrified at some of the BDSM stuff out there. Thought it was cruel, degrading, and that those women couldn't possibly have wanted this...maybe they agreed just because they needed money that badly... LOL then I got into BDSM myself, and now I know darn well what they're getting out of it. Sometimes though, the taboo-pushing feels a little icky to me. Lots of "barely legal teen gets destroyed by gang of dudes" stuff and incest themes.

And indeed, a lifetime of more porn than reality has created some physical challenges for a few men I have known. Not necessarily just ED, but an inability to finish, that sort of thing, or it taking longer and longer. Personally, I'm not going to enjoy 4 hours straight of intercourse. And watching Zen once, trying to hunt for just the right material... I felt honestly very lucky that my best go-to for my own pleasure is fantasy in my own head. Porn use seems downright cumbersome and like a total nuisance in comparison.
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