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  #11  
Old 10-23-2017, 02:10 AM
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Originally Posted by PolyNatural View Post
There's an OKC question that asks if you think jealousy is healthy in a relationship, and another asking if you'd consider an open relationship. I realize there are other reasons besides jealousy not to consider an open relationship, but jealousy seems to be right up there. So when the two don't match up I sometimes ask why.

I've found that in almost every instance where I've asked a member why they wouldn't be OK with an open relationship since they don't think jealousy is healthy, they haven't had a sensible response, except in a couple cases, and in those cases we got into some interesting exchanges and the person opened up to the idea of a poly relationship, but that's very rare.
When I first wandered into this forum I thought jealousy was a horrid thing. Part of that was because I had an insanely jealous girlfriend at one time. The other reason was because I had jealousy issues I had to work on. Since then I've learned that jealousy isn't necessarily unhealthy if it is used to recognize there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

That being said, I still answer it as it is not healthy because most people wouldn't get that.
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  #12  
Old 10-23-2017, 02:16 AM
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
Is that what that means?! I've seen that quite a bit and didn't know what it meant.

Learned a thing.

I wish they would bring back 'mandatory' as a level of questions. I get a lot of high matches (85 to 95%) who look very compatible. But oh right, they are not into open or relationships. I always look at those questions if the match answered them.
Yeah, it's changed a lot since the last time I used it. I remember poly being a thing that was listed up front. Now, if I search using "non-monogamous" only a few matches show up. But if I just do a regular search a lot of those matches are okay with an open relationship. It's a lot of sorting to go through.
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  #13  
Old 11-16-2017, 11:26 PM
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This one wasn't on OKC, but rather fetlife...however, I want to share it and it seems relevant to this thread. For those who aren't familiar with fetlife, I don't think of it as a dating site but some apparently do, it's a networking site for kinky people, forums, and events. For those who aren't friends with me on fetlife (a few of ya are) my profile explains clearly and prominently how very taken and unavailable I am. My profile pic, is my COLLAR for crying out loud. So I rarely get rando's trying to reach out to me. But this one was...yeah, I don't even know. Here.

Him: "I need a friend! "

Me: "Cool! Come to <club> and make lots of friends!"

Him: "I don't go to places like that."

Me: "Why not?"

Him: "For infinite reasons that are all common sense. Think about it." (wtf??)

Me: "I can't think of one reason, let alone infinite reasons. But whatever. What do you mean when you say you want a friend?"

Him: "Someone who will come hang out with me. Friends hang out together. Am I misinterpreting friendship? You said on your profile you were looking for friends."

Me: "I don't really have time for most of my established friends in a one-on-one way. I see them all at <club> for events. That's why I suggested if you want to meet me, you go there. If this is a problem for you, we are not really compatible as friends."

Him: "I don't need a business to find friends, or kink buddies." (aha...now the truth begins to show) "Have a nice day."

Me: "Wasn't insinuating you NEEDED anything. Just invited you to where I, and my friends, hang out, which is a fun place we enjoy having fun. But best of luck to you and stuff. You have a nice day, too."

Him: "You are difficult to get through to. You clearly miss the point. Bye bye."

What was the point supposed to be, that I apparently am missing?
*sigh* This was from a kid who has very little on his profile, no community ties, nudie pics (but none showing his face) and very few friends, and no kink list. He's posted twice in groups asking for a lady to "chat" with him, and no one is taking him up on it.

Ridiculous.
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  #14  
Old 11-17-2017, 01:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Spork View Post
This one wasn't on OKC, but rather fetlife...however, I want to share it and it seems relevant to this thread. For those who aren't familiar with fetlife, I don't think of it as a dating site but some apparently do, it's a networking site for kinky people, forums, and events. For those who aren't friends with me on fetlife (a few of ya are) my profile explains clearly and prominently how very taken and unavailable I am. My profile pic, is my COLLAR for crying out loud. So I rarely get rando's trying to reach out to me. But this one was...yeah, I don't even know. Here.

Him: "I need a friend! "

Me: "Cool! Come to <club> and make lots of friends!"

Him: "I don't go to places like that."

Me: "Why not?"

Him: "For infinite reasons that are all common sense. Think about it." (wtf??)

Me: "I can't think of one reason, let alone infinite reasons. But whatever. What do you mean when you say you want a friend?"

Him: "Someone who will come hang out with me. Friends hang out together. Am I misinterpreting friendship? You said on your profile you were looking for friends."

Me: "I don't really have time for most of my established friends in a one-on-one way. I see them all at <club> for events. That's why I suggested if you want to meet me, you go there. If this is a problem for you, we are not really compatible as friends."

Him: "I don't need a business to find friends, or kink buddies." (aha...now the truth begins to show) "Have a nice day."

Me: "Wasn't insinuating you NEEDED anything. Just invited you to where I, and my friends, hang out, which is a fun place we enjoy having fun. But best of luck to you and stuff. You have a nice day, too."

Him: "You are difficult to get through to. You clearly miss the point. Bye bye."

What was the point supposed to be, that I apparently am missing?
*sigh* This was from a kid who has very little on his profile, no community ties, nudie pics (but none showing his face) and very few friends, and no kink list. He's posted twice in groups asking for a lady to "chat" with him, and no one is taking him up on it.

Ridiculous.
Clearly the point is he has no friends or sex partners and wonders why he sits at home alone all the time. Nobody understands him

To be fair, I don't like going to those clubs alone. Social anxiety. Plus, single guys usually get shunned. But I wouldn't expect anyone to know that lol.
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  #15  
Old 11-17-2017, 01:06 AM
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I recently became active on a bdsm dating site that has become a mere shell of it's former self. So far I've heard from lots of scammers either offering to sell me slaves or they will come straight to me if I send them money for airfare
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  #16  
Old 11-17-2017, 03:03 PM
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Originally Posted by vinsanity0 View Post
Clearly the point is he has no friends or sex partners and wonders why he sits at home alone all the time. Nobody understands him

To be fair, I don't like going to those clubs alone. Social anxiety. Plus, single guys usually get shunned. But I wouldn't expect anyone to know that lol.
I actively fight back against that, believe it or not. As do others who volunteer at my club. We recognize that walking in the door alone when you don't know anyone is difficult, and we offer to meet up with people before events, and introduce them to others. If I see a single person (usually a man) who seems uncomfortable, I go engage them in conversation in a warm and friendly way. I'm good at it, so I tend to not make them more uncomfortable. I remember what it was like to be new, too.

But really though...the people who most commonly fall out of the scene, are the ones who show up with the sole purpose of finding a partner, hopefully with no effort, like picking up a product off a shelf. When they find out that's now how it works, they vanish.
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Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad for approximately a year, until about July 2016. I still consider them much-loved friends.

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Q- 15, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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  #17  
Old 11-17-2017, 08:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Spork View Post
I actively fight back against that, believe it or not. As do others who volunteer at my club. We recognize that walking in the door alone when you don't know anyone is difficult, and we offer to meet up with people before events, and introduce them to others. If I see a single person (usually a man) who seems uncomfortable, I go engage them in conversation in a warm and friendly way. I'm good at it, so I tend to not make them more uncomfortable. I remember what it was like to be new, too.

But really though...the people who most commonly fall out of the scene, are the ones who show up with the sole purpose of finding a partner, hopefully with no effort, like picking up a product off a shelf. When they find out that's now how it works, they vanish.
I've never really been much of a "the scene" person. Down here the community is very pretentious. I don't think there is a club down here like what you describe. It is mostly commercial swingers type clubs that occasionally have a fetish night. So it's like $25 for couples and $100 for single guys...lol.

There was a place in Seattle that sounds like it was very similar to how you describe the one by you. I went there once with Sprite. It was fun. I was going to join and volunteer and all that but then it closed down because they lost their space. I'd love to start something like that down here but I just don't have the resources or the connections to all the various communities.
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  #18  
Old 11-17-2017, 09:14 PM
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Originally Posted by vinsanity0 View Post
I've never really been much of a "the scene" person. Down here the community is very pretentious. I don't think there is a club down here like what you describe. It is mostly commercial swingers type clubs that occasionally have a fetish night. So it's like $25 for couples and $100 for single guys...lol.

There was a place in Seattle that sounds like it was very similar to how you describe the one by you. I went there once with Sprite. It was fun. I was going to join and volunteer and all that but then it closed down because they lost their space. I'd love to start something like that down here but I just don't have the resources or the connections to all the various communities.
Yeah ours is the opposite thing...a primarily Leather/BDSM oriented place with one Swingers' Night a month. There is a little overlap in the two communities, but not that much...however, Swingers' Night is a big moneymaker for the club, so...*shrug* And yeah, I have never liked the gendered price structures, either. Our place charges $5 for single women, $45 for couples, and $50 for single men, and they turn people away if the ratio gets too male-heavy. I get that if there aren't any women, then the men won't want to be there either and I guess I sorta understand, but... I don't like women being treated as a commodity. Like I've always felt that if I'm going to have sex with a dude, he'd better be bringin' some value to the bedroom too, ya know? It just rubs me the wrong way. I'm not into the swinger side of it.

BDSM parties on the other Saturday nights are usually just $10/person regardless, unless it's a fancier event where they are fundraising or had to buy food or something, then it might be a little more.

I love the club in general, though. We have a lot of discussion groups, skills workshops and classes, photography nights, yoga, game night and it's also a gallery where they sell art and gear made by local artists. It's become my go-to hangout place.
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Analyst, Fire & Hefe My poly quad for approximately a year, until about July 2016. I still consider them much-loved friends.

Blood:
Ninja- 17, Son
Q- 15, Son

Old Wolf- Ex Husband
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