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Old 09-24-2017, 05:27 PM
Herringritsgirl Herringritsgirl is offline
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 24

I am glad i found this thread!
Pregnant 7 weeks with our 1st
Bf 2nd my 4th

Was kinda curious how some of the logistics work out!
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Old 10-20-2017, 03:33 AM
HerbeMannABg HerbeMannABg is offline
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 7
Default Children Of A Poly Relationship

You know youre poly when...

...you cringe when thinking about monogamy.
...you find that the song Two Ladies from Cabaret describes your ideal relationship.
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Old 11-03-2017, 07:21 AM
atalanta atalanta is offline
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Near Seattle, WA
Posts: 8

I don't see the problem with not going into gory detail about being poly until kids are older; I would do the same if I was a single mom dating.

Adults should have their own lives; kids I think do best when seeing their parents happy. At a young age (before puberty and their own relationships), I wouldn't go into detail about any one of my relationships, only showing a little more over a long period. My SO I think would be my 'friend I sometimes spend time with' but then I like having my privacy.

It's not a matter of feeling poly is wrong, (to me), but even as an adult I am selective in who I tell because of the reactions ('you're getting a divorce?!' not-funny jokes, lectures, etc), never mind to a kid who has little experience navigating emotions.
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Old 11-03-2017, 07:07 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 13,989

I agree with you atalanta.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 11-04-2017, 01:46 PM
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Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: NW Minnesota
Posts: 1,258

I'm glad to see others who believe that attempts to "hide" nonmonogamy are counterproductive, & likely doomed. That sentiment often pisses people off, especially those who don't yet have kids.

A common belief: "we're going to hide it from him until he's old enough to understand." Hah; quick, pick an age!! Will he be "ready" at 3? 7? 12? 19? 24? 47? 65? Plenty are hiding their lifestyle from adult kids they don't even see much.

If anyone NEEDS to "protect the child" with that much fervor, then it's an easy fix: put your proverbial dicks back in your pants until the kids are ENTIRELY out of harm's way. Anyone who offers THAT canard then decides to step past monogamy anyway is clearly talking out their ass.

I contend (& have seen borne out) that people confident they can hide ANYTHING from any moderately unimpaired child WILL eventually get bit on the butt by their own arrogance.

As often (maybe moreso) is the recognition (buried in favor of the PC rationale) that small children can't be totally relied upon to not inadvertantly "out" you. The Bad News -- neither can teenagers, who have been known to be insane beings & will happily blab the deepest family secrets if you piss 'em off, which happens a few times a day. Not that you can 100% trust all your friends. Or your co-workers. Or the relatives you come out to "in confidence."

My children grew up in a household where other people were a regular feature, much like my upbringing. We had overnight guests & short-term roommates all the time, most nonsexual. And we had people with whom we were quite cuddly but not sexually involved, & seeming casual friends who were frequent sex partners.

In general, people simply need to do two things that polynoobs aren't good at: settle down, & use common sense.
Living in a world of failed logic.
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Old 11-06-2017, 11:43 PM
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SlowPoly SlowPoly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 173

I never figured on hiding anything about polyamory from my kids. At some point, years ago, it was new to the older ones, and their reactions to having their questions answered in age-appropriate and privacy-respecting ways ranged from "Weird." to "Makes sense." and we all just moved on from there.

The little one is now fully verbal, full of questions, and eager to talk to anyone and everyone. Life as she knows it has two households in two different towns: one with daddy, Mitch; and one with her brothers and her "daddybrother," Woof. She will tell anyone who asks that this entire group is her family, and usually explain that her family lives in two places, and allocate the members accordingly. No one seems to care to ask her what the current adult relationships are, and if they asked me, I'd tell them that's a ridiculous question to ask. We are a family, or two families that share me and the little one, and nothing else is important.

We aren't out in Mitch's town, and we are anonymous by default in Woof's. I do tend to say "her dad" or "their dad" when referring to the guys to random people in one place or the other. In Mitch's town, for expediency I sometimes I call Woof my "ex" (technically true) while Mitch is my "partner." In reality, both are my co-parents and my partners, and most people I care about (including the kids) can know that, if it matters. I don't feel like I owe anyone the truth of my sleeping arrangements, but I want my kids and people who really know me to know who the most important people in my life are.

It helps that we don't have labels like "husband" and "wife" to navigate around. Those particularly seem to stoke defensive reactions in some people, when their standard monogamous meaning is flouted. And children, ever literal, seem to expect words to have definite, universal meanings.

We aren't prescriptively "closed," but no one really dates. If we did? Well, the kids would probably notice which friends were more than platonic. And we'd have whatever conversations came up. Age-appropriate. Privacy-respecting.

SlowPoly vee hinge living between two homes

Mitch life partner co-parent former LDR
Woof life partner co-parent former spouse
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