She loves us both

jazbarbee

New member
I'll get straight to the chase. My wife and I just celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary, and have been together for 4 years. About 6 months ago she brought up the idea of an open relstionship. Mainly because she had a crush on her work friend. Well we battled back and forth for a while, until we came to some ground rules. Thinking everything was fine I had no worries. Well we were in the process of moving to Colorado, and she spent our final 2 weeks with the woman, who is straight, and her 3 children. Including our wedding anniversary. Now that we have moved to Colorado they declared their love to one another, she says she loves us both and wants us both. But I am the one she wants to live with and spend her life with. She's having a hard time adjusting to not being with the woman, and constantly texts her and calls her. She has shut me out, and says we will get back on track soon. Feeling lost, and heartbroken. Any tips or hints to get past this rough spot?
 
It sounds like your wife is awash in NRE, new relationship energy, which is an intense bombardment of endorphins and lust for the new person, which can make people crazy. She might also be very excited to be in love/lust with someone of the same gender, if FF r'ships are new to her also.

It's very rude to mistreat your original SO in favor of the new person. Quite often the person in NRE doesnt realize how rude they are being. Address this with your wife. Tell her you two need to set some guidelines around continuing to meet YOUR relationship needs while she is crushing on new girl. What do you need? Sounds like more quality time, and for her to not text her crush when you want her focused on you.

It sounds extremely hurtful for you that she spent your anniversary with her OSO! What was she thinking?
 
Magdlyn, we are both women so she is very much used to being with women. I tried to confront her last night, asking her to choose me over them. She says the other woman doesn't do that to her, and that she loves her a lot. My wife has a history of mental afflictions and addiction, and I believe part of what she is doing is to push me away. I told her the other woman is going to move on someday and she would be left high and dry, but that I will love her for the rest of my life. I have decided to move forward, and focus on myself. I believe that if she sees that I don't rely on her, and pester her or seem weak that maybe she will wake up a little. I think you are right, this new love is exciting, but lust fades, love does not.
 
I told her the other woman is going to move on someday and she would be left high and dry, but that I will love her for the rest of my life.

I am sure that the sudden change in her posture toward you (I'm guessing it was sudden) is coming as a shock and that can be difficult to deal with. However, instead of focusing on whether or not she is a bad guy, confronting her, laying down ultimatums, making dread predictions for the future about her relationship with her new lover, etc, I strongly suggest taking a deep breath.

As you say that you love her and she loves you, it is just as reasonable for you to trust her word when she says that she loves this other person. As you are true to your word when you say you love her, it would seem to be fair that you should respect her decision to love this other person and give her the time she needs to work this thing out.

I like your idea about stepping away and letting her be, but not as a test to prove anything to her, but as an action of a lover and an ally. She is in a new place like you are so perhaps the best thing you can do is to respect where she is, apologize for attacking her, and let her know that you *do* actually love her and are going to be here for her when she reaches out to you again.

It's your call; you get to decide how you handle this rather serious stumbling block in your relationship. You can decide that she is "rude" and go after her, lay down rules, tell her what's up... or you can take a breath, give her some room, and show her some support.
 
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