TangledWebbs
New member
Let me start off as I'm sure most do for their first posts here. I am shocked to find myself here, but I feel this lifestyle is for me or at least something I'd like to try.
Long story short...my husband and I have been together for going on over 13 years and married for just under 10. We started fooling around with one of our best friends (my ex)- whom I met my husband from.He's been close in our lives throughout our whole relationship, was in our wedding, etc. It started off as a night of drinks and fun and we have found ourselves in this routine off and on for the last three years. We hang out often and sleep together whenever we have an opportunity not to get caught by other friends etc. Our arrangement has been pretty secret up until a few months ago when some friends started questioning things. I dont like having to keep secrets from them, however, we all avoided giving straight answers, so they still have suspicions. I need advice on how to talk to my husband and lover about how we can become more "committed" to each other to help prevent std's as well as just being in a romantic-like relationship together. I want more than just sex.
My husband seems more than ok with me sleeping with our friend, he lets us do our thing, we do our thing all together, and my husband has even let me meet up with our friend alone. I absolutely love it. I love that he trusts me to keep him aware of our sexual encounters. I love them both so much for different and the same reasons if that makes sense? One is very laid back, responsible, manly, the other is more of a free spirit, each of them have something the other doesn't to make me feel completed. I of course have more invested with my husband and am very committed to him. We have been "together" so much longer, however, we have both known our friend for many many years too. I guess I feel a deep amount of love for them both, but in different ways. They both make me happy mentally and sexually. I think they kind of do for one another too. I started to read a book about polyamory and i really related... it has started to open my eyes that I'm not alone and what Im feeling is acceptable and I can love both of these men just as much at the same time. I'm not this weirdo who in years past who I was certain I was. I feel whole when I am with them, hell I think my sex life with my husband has even gotten better. I havent fully talked about my feelings with my husband or lover,mostly because im scared they wont like the idea and I will be shot down into having a merely sexual relationship with our friend or have things cut off. I know my husband is starting to see me fall for our friend more and more, he doesn't seem to be backing away from the situation, so I feel like maybe he's ready and scared too? How do I bring up wanting our friend to commit to us sexually? Maybe he is, the problem is in the fact that we've not talked about it. Is it wrong to want that? My husband and I are committed to one another and our lover and that is it. Poly talk has come up and my husband doesn't shoot it down completely. I would love to one day have dates with the three of us and other nights I get to spend with each on my own, and the two of them go out while I catch up on me time too. I want to be able to kiss my lover in public or squeeze his ass without having to hide out. I really think we could make this work. I think my husband mostly fears what people will think, which I'd be lying if I didnt say I fear that too. We have children as well and I think that terrifies him to make their lives harder because of our choices or having to explain to people. (Our kids love our friend, so that wouldn't be an issue at all.)
Does this relationship seem like it has potential for this lifestyle and whats your advice on how to talk to them about things? Am I reading my husband right? Im terrified, but it's time.
Sorry for the rambling and scattered post, I'm SO confused!
Long story short...my husband and I have been together for going on over 13 years and married for just under 10. We started fooling around with one of our best friends (my ex)- whom I met my husband from.He's been close in our lives throughout our whole relationship, was in our wedding, etc. It started off as a night of drinks and fun and we have found ourselves in this routine off and on for the last three years. We hang out often and sleep together whenever we have an opportunity not to get caught by other friends etc. Our arrangement has been pretty secret up until a few months ago when some friends started questioning things. I dont like having to keep secrets from them, however, we all avoided giving straight answers, so they still have suspicions. I need advice on how to talk to my husband and lover about how we can become more "committed" to each other to help prevent std's as well as just being in a romantic-like relationship together. I want more than just sex.
My husband seems more than ok with me sleeping with our friend, he lets us do our thing, we do our thing all together, and my husband has even let me meet up with our friend alone. I absolutely love it. I love that he trusts me to keep him aware of our sexual encounters. I love them both so much for different and the same reasons if that makes sense? One is very laid back, responsible, manly, the other is more of a free spirit, each of them have something the other doesn't to make me feel completed. I of course have more invested with my husband and am very committed to him. We have been "together" so much longer, however, we have both known our friend for many many years too. I guess I feel a deep amount of love for them both, but in different ways. They both make me happy mentally and sexually. I think they kind of do for one another too. I started to read a book about polyamory and i really related... it has started to open my eyes that I'm not alone and what Im feeling is acceptable and I can love both of these men just as much at the same time. I'm not this weirdo who in years past who I was certain I was. I feel whole when I am with them, hell I think my sex life with my husband has even gotten better. I havent fully talked about my feelings with my husband or lover,mostly because im scared they wont like the idea and I will be shot down into having a merely sexual relationship with our friend or have things cut off. I know my husband is starting to see me fall for our friend more and more, he doesn't seem to be backing away from the situation, so I feel like maybe he's ready and scared too? How do I bring up wanting our friend to commit to us sexually? Maybe he is, the problem is in the fact that we've not talked about it. Is it wrong to want that? My husband and I are committed to one another and our lover and that is it. Poly talk has come up and my husband doesn't shoot it down completely. I would love to one day have dates with the three of us and other nights I get to spend with each on my own, and the two of them go out while I catch up on me time too. I want to be able to kiss my lover in public or squeeze his ass without having to hide out. I really think we could make this work. I think my husband mostly fears what people will think, which I'd be lying if I didnt say I fear that too. We have children as well and I think that terrifies him to make their lives harder because of our choices or having to explain to people. (Our kids love our friend, so that wouldn't be an issue at all.)
Does this relationship seem like it has potential for this lifestyle and whats your advice on how to talk to them about things? Am I reading my husband right? Im terrified, but it's time.
Sorry for the rambling and scattered post, I'm SO confused!
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