Threesome As First Sexual Experience

ray

New member
I'm curious. What does everyone think about a threesome being some one's first sexual experience. How would you feel if it was your first time? And, how would you feel if you were involved in a threesome where one individual had never had sex?
 
I'm curious. What does everyone think about a threesome being some one's first sexual experience. How would you feel if it was your first time? And, how would you feel if you were involved in a threesome where one individual had never had sex?

Its an easy first step. Its a simple way to progress into potentially loving more than one. Its a socially acceptable way to grasp the concept.

My first time I was too involved in the moment to feel anything beyond arousal. My next bunch of times its the same thing. I tend not to focus to much on the hows and whys of sex, I just do. Like the nike commercial.

I don't think I would have a threesome with someone who was a virgin. But thats because I was never interested in virgins and I am not sure a persons first time shoudl be a group thing. Not sure why it shouldn't either. Thats a lot of excess pressure beyond just losing your virginity. I guss it depends on the person
 
I am not sure a persons first time shoudl be a group thing. Not sure why it shouldn't either.

That's something I keep thinking about. Some people have said, oh gosh, isn't that a little too kinky for a first time? But that's making an assumption that kinky sex is somehow not for beginners? Certainly there are some kinks best undertaken with some experience, ie BDSM play with potential for injury if you don't know what you're doing. Who knows, maybe having two people show you the ropes could be twice as helpful. Or, like you said, it could be terrifying with all that pressure. But I'm wondering if the "taboo" or hesitancy is perhaps a societal thing. Thinking that it's not good for a first time simply because we're told that's not how you do it. And I agree that it def. depends on the person.
 
I'll have to go with "completely dependent on all the people involved".

My first time just hurt. So did the second time. Third time was fine. I think if you can let go of any expectations, if you trust your partners, and are able to laugh at the moments of awkwardness (because they will happen), then go for it.

If you're very nervous, there are any unresolved issues or undercurrents in the relationship, etc., then sex should wait, regardless of how many people are involved. The first time brings a boatload of emotions.

Good luck!
 
ray, I havent read many of your other posts, but are you the virgin in question? And do you have an offer from these 2 other people? Are they a couple, or are you all single?
 
Hey Ray,

I'm also in the "depends on the people" camp.
It could be a beautiful experience. Or not. Thing being it may be twice as much either way.
Also may depend on whether it's two of the same gender or mixed gender.

But overall I'd say I'd be 'pro' the situation. As long as you trust the people (and they ARE trustworthy), the worst that may happen is you are disappointed. Sometimes fantasy can be better than reality. And if that happens, just remember, 1 experience is only that - a single experience. Don't give up because a tight 3 way group - at least from our experience - can be the most intimate, beautiful and maybe exciting combo. Just enough addition without overload. But that's just our experience/personality.

Enjoy :)

GS
 
An old roommate of mine had his first sexual experience in a MFFF foursome. Pretty sure he didn't regret it ;) but that was more of a drunk casual sex thing and I don't think he knew any of them.

I think what matters is that you trust the person / people involved and that everyone is safe and treated respectfully. Talk about any boundaries and about using protection BEFOREhand. I think safety and respect are way more important than the number of people in the bed.

Oh, and in my opinion the "first time" thing is built up way too much. There will be thousands of other times so don't worry too much about this one :)
 
Umm...no...wait, let me think about it for another nano-second...yeah, it's still a no.

I can only speak for myself, but the first time being a 3 or 4-some would have been a total disaster. The first time there was already enough going on physically and emotionally without having it multiplied.
 
ray, I havent read many of your other posts, but are you the virgin in question? And do you have an offer from these 2 other people? Are they a couple, or are you all single?

I am the one. :eek: I am dating O and A (in a V, so many letters!). They're married. It's not been an offer as much as a possibility that we've discussed. He definitely wants to but is very understanding of the fact that it might not happen. He mentioned that she thought that my first time being a threesome was unwise. I agreed with that. I'm pretty nervous about sex (getting started anyway) and have a decent portion of emotional baggage surrounding it. So for me, I'm thinking no. I'm not even sure if I'm ready for "normal" sex yet. ;) I'm excited to try it eventually, though. I have a bucket list. It's making more sense to me now, though, why it's really dependent on the people. For some I could see how it would be a great first time.
 
hey

I lost my virginity in a threesome but it was a VERY different situation to yours. It was a drunken casual sex encounter with a girl i hit it off with at a student party and her boyfriend who i thought was cute. none of us thought through the emotional consequences, at the time all i knew was that they consequently spilt and never spoke to me again :( bad times, tbh that upset me a lot more than the unspectacular sex(and reinforced asexy path I walked between then and finding out bout poly). I think I value sex alot less than many, i slept with them because i was curious and atracted and tbh for me it felt like less pressure, but chances are i'd have lost my virginity to a stranger in any event because of my level of dev at time (i'm a bit slow :rolleyes: ) I'm glad you're more considered than I was, you say you have some issues arround sex imo all the more reason to take it slow, though also want to say that you're very unlikely to be alone in whatever issue, despite how it feels. I also wondered if you find her sexually atractive? or is most of the sexy energy with him? IMO a threesome would only be a good idea if you think it would be comfortable.

Peace and love

Nim
 
Thanks for sharing, Nim. I figured there had to be someone out there who'd done it. :) I am unsure of my attraction to her. A few things going on there. For one, she and I are not super comfortable. We get along well, have decent conversation but we've never really clicked in a deeper way. And I've never really felt much energy between her and I. I did however, once have a very intense sexual fantasy involving her. Well, it was just her. But other than that I can't say I feel much. Maybe just cuz she makes me nervous? Who knows... But for whatever reason, I feel like I should be attracted to her. I'm way more interested in just having sex with him. Which we can't right now, because she's not comfortable with that at this point.
 
Yeah I'm in the no camp as well...I'm way more comfortable in a threesome now, but it didn't start that way. I wasn't comfy telling them what I wanted and some of my biggest insecurities would come out full force in those sack sessions. There was one morning where B unintentionally wasn't kissing me but was kissing H and I just straight flipped out. It was bad. Sounds like you know what you want though...those are just my thoughts.
 
threesome sex and twosome sex is just vastly different in so many ways. I think that either would be fine as a first time, as long as there is the understanding that you are still a virgin to the other way. I was a virgin to threesome sex when I was much older.... some are virgins to twosome sex until later also. nothing wrong with either as long as everyone is comfy, in control of themselves and being respectful and communicating honestly with everyone.
 
I wouldn't have sex in a threesome with a virgin if that was with him and another of my partners. Too much risk of him feeling like a third wheel. Plus if it's his first time, I'd want to devote all my attention to him.
For that matter, I wouldn't have sex with a new partner as a threesome for the first time in that configuration, either.

However, if the virgin loves two people, me and someone else, then sure. I can totally get not wanting to pick just one of the two people he loves for his first time. That would seem only fair. I'd discuss it before hand with the other partner.

Mmh, just thinking about it, I could see having sex with an existing partner in front of a new, virgin one, if they so wanted. And then I could imagine saying he's allowed to join. So I guess I wasn't quite right about my first option...
Still, for myself, I'd like my first time with someone to be with just them, and not with another of my partners as well (new or old). I'd be fine with "sharing" that moment with another partner of theirs. Wouldn't want to put him in the situation of having to choose who gets to be "his first one".
 
Thanks for sharing, Nim. I figured there had to be someone out there who'd done it. :) I am unsure of my attraction to her. A few things going on there. For one, she and I are not super comfortable. We get along well, have decent conversation but we've never really clicked in a deeper way. And I've never really felt much energy between her and I. I did however, once have a very intense sexual fantasy involving her. Well, it was just her. But other than that I can't say I feel much. Maybe just cuz she makes me nervous? Who knows... But for whatever reason, I feel like I should be attracted to her. I'm way more interested in just having sex with him. Which we can't right now, because she's not comfortable with that at this point.

If you and she aren't comfy yet, then sex is a bad idea. It would be a bad idea regardless of your virgin status.

From my experience, if she is not comfortable with you and he having sex, then watching you two could be even worse.

You are smart to wait. Trust me, there will never be a shortage of people to sleep with, if they don't end up being the ones! :)
 
From my experience, if she is not comfortable with you and he having sex, then watching you two could be even worse.

TP, I never thought of it that way. But that is an excellent point. I'm not sure why that seems to be a common thought process that "well, I'm not okay with them having sex alone, but we can all have a threesome." It is natural that if you're not ok w/ them having it, then watching would really hard as well. This thread has been helpful in sorting my thoughts. There's just no upside to pushing yourself into sexual situations you don't want 100%. Maybe when there's less pressure perhaps she and I might develop something. But it's ok if we don't too, I guess. :)
 
Someone close to me had a threesome as a first time experience and it was great. If someone makes a conscious choice (as they did) to have an experience and everyone is on the same page there's no reason why it would be strange or unpleasant.

Part of the reason why we're all talking here is that many of us are people who think outside the box anyway, regarding what is natural in relationships and sex. Try to make every sexual experience a consciously chosen one and you'll be fine, no matter who you do it with.
 
GG almost lost his virginity in a 3some with me and my at that time gf. I think it would have been awesome. He was afraid to join in-so it didn't happen. But all of these years later (15?16?) I still think it would have been amazing and a wonderful memory to behold.

That said-I'd be hardpressed to start there with just anyone. The three of us were best friends already.

It ended up that he lost his virginity only to me, and here we are a couple and still best friends.
If it had been the three of us-I daresay-we'd be a triad and best friends.

OF COURSE there are the "why did you and she break up".
The primary reason was that she was going away to college and I am a sex fiend.
Had we been a triad-I would have still been getting some. I frankly-honestly think that if it had been a triad-we'd have stayed together.
 
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