in relationship
It's hard to give him my love when I don't feel like I'll get anything back... but I have to remember that I shouldn't be giving love, expecting anything back.
But should I? Should I expect anything back at all? Is it realistic or healthy to completely remove the expectation to be loved back in any capacity?
That's the question I am asking of myself today.
there is for me a difference in Giving of anything without expectation and "being in relationship"
If I am walking down the street, see a person think they placed something in their bag, but really it ended up falling on the ground, I go pick it up and give it to them, I never expect anything. Their Thank you is nice, but to me completely unnecessary. This to me is something we do because we are human, we are social animals and it is an act of a social animal to another within our species (not our tribe). I have done things like this thousands of times. I do not think this makes me a "better" human, it is just a natural human thing to do.
I would do the same for a person who might trip near me and I could catch them, or fell and I might see if they were alright.
When in relationship, the rules do change. When someone within our tribe (be that our intimate member or a coworker), we expect there be giving and getting. If a person I gave help to consistently did not ever help me, after a while I would stop giving them help. If you had a team of people and one excelled but never helped, over time the group would shun them, push them out of the group. This is a natural thing of social animals.
Loving I feel is no different. If you give love and get nothing in return, i would expect, unless you are mentally and or emotionally defective, eventually, you would move on.
To feel that for each act of love, or help you require some quid pro quo would seem to be also mentally or emotionally deficient.
I enjoy doing things for my partners and friends. I do not expect something in return each time. If however, I found myself in a relationship with a person I was in a "one way street", eventually I would stop doing for that person.
Loving relationships can often take on a very imbalanced dynamic, but still be loving. I have frequently been served by others, part of my "job" was to be demanding or even critical of the service, but another part was to acknowledge when I was pleased. Outsiders often thought I or the relationship was Unfair. But they are not the ones inside the relationship. We inside had our rules and if I did not satisfy the other the relationship would and often did end.
I would ask the question: Am I getting what I want?
Do you actually know what you want?
Have you sat down and written it out?
Written it again?
argued with yourself about whether you were being reasonable/unreasonable/realistic/unrealistic and the thousands of variations?
I am personally a totally unreasonable/unrealistic man, at least to outsiders.
I have a reason for everything I want
I have a realistic plan within my own mind as to how to have this.
I am also quite up front about asking for what I want.
I am never critical of a person who does not want to give me, nor do I take it personally. I have never been upset a chocolate factory does not serve steak, nor think I will get one at a vegan restaurant as well.
When I go into Charlie's Steak House and I say Medium Rare NO Pepper, you can bet I send it back when it is Medium Rare, but has Pepper on it or it is Well Done and No Pepper. If the person serving me is being crappy, I will take the time to stop and ask if there is something wrong and is there anything I can do. I am amazed at how often something this simple can change a person's behavior, but if they persist, their reward will be minimal. Should they shine, I am happy to over tip.
Nonetheless, we are in relationship.
I am often surprised when the very straight-laced woman's eyes sparkle when I tell her the reasons why I think she would not like to get involved with me, only to discover those very reasons are some of her deepest, darkest, but most passionate desires.
So I love people who don't love me back, but I do not build my life around them. It is just my private love. I feel it. I enjoy it. I even feel great heartache and heartbreak. But after a while, I stop eating at the restaurant that is not serving food that satisfies me.
My thoughts I give you without expectation in fair exchange to those who have over my life given me so much.
Know what you want, ask for it.
It sounds to me as if you are not clear and those around you also might not be clear about what you want.
I imagine myself to be a gifted psychic who so often gets it wrong I could be in Ripley's!
ask, you might just hear, "I had no idea, I'd love to..."