I really dislike one of my metamours. I am pretty sure the only things we have in common is we both have an interest in learning Spanish, and we love the same man. That said, never have I asked him to stop seeing her, told her to go away, or any of that nonsense. That's his relationship, and so long as it's not affecting ours, I don't care who he is seeing.
I do wish she'd leave ME alone, though. She has my contact information, and to me, that is enough. She wants a friendship, but I just do not like her. Her pushing is incredibly irritating to me. I have told her more than once that if a friendship develops in time, great, but that I like to let them do just that. Develop. Stop interrogating me and trying to make buddy-buddy with me. I do not appreciate it.
More than once she has said she was done trying to talk to me, and for a while, I wouldn't hear anything. And then she'd text me out of nowhere. A good morning or hello here, a message asking my favorite color, or my favorite, a link from morethantwo or some other site on how metamours ought to interact, with nothing else to say. If she read what she was sending, perhaps she'd have noted the bit about not trying to force relationships into preconceived shapes, but maybe not.
Then a month or two ago, whenever National Peace Day was, she messaged me with something along the lines of, "It's National Peace Day, so I thought maybe we could start over. I'm working on myself and trying to change things. What are the things you don't like about me so I can work on myself? I'd really like us to be friends or at least amicable."
Paraphrasing. Text was longer. Much.
Up until then I'd just been ignoring her texts. I don't deal with people who are hot and cold all the time. I do not keep friends who say they don't want anything to do with me one day then want to be my bestie two weeks later.
Against my better judgement, I replied. I said something along the lines of, If she's working on herself for herself, that's great, but people who know her better than I do would probably be more able to help her with that. I again reiterated that if a friendship develops between us, then cool, but that I was not okay with pushing it.
I was polite, if blunt.
She reacted emotionally.
"The only reason I keep trying is because very soon, I will be living out there. (She currently lives 1400 miles away) Very soon, we will be confronted by the fact that he wants us all to live together. I think it's best to try now instead of learning we can't tolerate each other. But I will stop trying and will refuse to take things further with him until the day you make the step to try with me. Because I'm so sick of being the one to make the first step. I'm sick of everyone else's feelings coming before mine. Because I did not do anything to anyone for me to be pushed to the side all the time. But this is what it is. And eventually this will drive me away. Have a good night."
I wanted to respond, but I didn't. I wanted to tell her to fuck off for threatening to impact their relationship based on me not wanting to be buddy-buddy with her. I hate dealing with manipulative, hot and cold people.
Mister messaged me not long after asking what was going on between she and I because she can't keep things between us as things between us. She goes to him about it and complains how she's the only one trying. She doesn't just do this over things with me. She does it with our other metamour as well. Our other metamour who has made herself rather unhappy trying to build a friendship with this woman and it just isn't working.
To shorten this a bit, the mister thinks I misinterpreted what she was saying, and that she was not being manipulative or threatening to stall any relationship progress with him, just that she feels unaccepted by my other metamour and myself and feels she can't proceed without us liking her.
Sure, you can't very well live with us if we can't stand you, but no one is keeping you from seeing the mister and no one wants to. Your shit is your shit.
Anyway. I guess that was towards the end of September. I have not heard from her since... until this morning when she sent me a message about the holiday.
That is no big thing in itself, but I really wish she would just leave me alone. I have met her, I have talked to her, I accept she is a part of his life and I do not care about that. If they are happy having a relationship, so be it.
But I do not like her. I do not wish to talk to her. I do not want to be her friend. I have made efforts to keep myself away from people who behave like she does. The only reason I have not blocked her number is because, universe forbid, there might be an emergency some day and I may need to contact her. That's why I didn't delete the damn thing when she broke up with him months ago (over this same kind of thing) and told my other metamour and myself to lose her number, because I figured it wouldn't last long.
I can continue to ignore her messages, but I'd rather she not message me at all unless it is important.
Why, why, why, WHY would you continue to contact a metamour who clearly has no interest in socializing with you?
I do wish she'd leave ME alone, though. She has my contact information, and to me, that is enough. She wants a friendship, but I just do not like her. Her pushing is incredibly irritating to me. I have told her more than once that if a friendship develops in time, great, but that I like to let them do just that. Develop. Stop interrogating me and trying to make buddy-buddy with me. I do not appreciate it.
More than once she has said she was done trying to talk to me, and for a while, I wouldn't hear anything. And then she'd text me out of nowhere. A good morning or hello here, a message asking my favorite color, or my favorite, a link from morethantwo or some other site on how metamours ought to interact, with nothing else to say. If she read what she was sending, perhaps she'd have noted the bit about not trying to force relationships into preconceived shapes, but maybe not.
Then a month or two ago, whenever National Peace Day was, she messaged me with something along the lines of, "It's National Peace Day, so I thought maybe we could start over. I'm working on myself and trying to change things. What are the things you don't like about me so I can work on myself? I'd really like us to be friends or at least amicable."
Paraphrasing. Text was longer. Much.
Up until then I'd just been ignoring her texts. I don't deal with people who are hot and cold all the time. I do not keep friends who say they don't want anything to do with me one day then want to be my bestie two weeks later.
Against my better judgement, I replied. I said something along the lines of, If she's working on herself for herself, that's great, but people who know her better than I do would probably be more able to help her with that. I again reiterated that if a friendship develops between us, then cool, but that I was not okay with pushing it.
I was polite, if blunt.
She reacted emotionally.
"The only reason I keep trying is because very soon, I will be living out there. (She currently lives 1400 miles away) Very soon, we will be confronted by the fact that he wants us all to live together. I think it's best to try now instead of learning we can't tolerate each other. But I will stop trying and will refuse to take things further with him until the day you make the step to try with me. Because I'm so sick of being the one to make the first step. I'm sick of everyone else's feelings coming before mine. Because I did not do anything to anyone for me to be pushed to the side all the time. But this is what it is. And eventually this will drive me away. Have a good night."
I wanted to respond, but I didn't. I wanted to tell her to fuck off for threatening to impact their relationship based on me not wanting to be buddy-buddy with her. I hate dealing with manipulative, hot and cold people.
Mister messaged me not long after asking what was going on between she and I because she can't keep things between us as things between us. She goes to him about it and complains how she's the only one trying. She doesn't just do this over things with me. She does it with our other metamour as well. Our other metamour who has made herself rather unhappy trying to build a friendship with this woman and it just isn't working.
To shorten this a bit, the mister thinks I misinterpreted what she was saying, and that she was not being manipulative or threatening to stall any relationship progress with him, just that she feels unaccepted by my other metamour and myself and feels she can't proceed without us liking her.
Sure, you can't very well live with us if we can't stand you, but no one is keeping you from seeing the mister and no one wants to. Your shit is your shit.
Anyway. I guess that was towards the end of September. I have not heard from her since... until this morning when she sent me a message about the holiday.
That is no big thing in itself, but I really wish she would just leave me alone. I have met her, I have talked to her, I accept she is a part of his life and I do not care about that. If they are happy having a relationship, so be it.
But I do not like her. I do not wish to talk to her. I do not want to be her friend. I have made efforts to keep myself away from people who behave like she does. The only reason I have not blocked her number is because, universe forbid, there might be an emergency some day and I may need to contact her. That's why I didn't delete the damn thing when she broke up with him months ago (over this same kind of thing) and told my other metamour and myself to lose her number, because I figured it wouldn't last long.
I can continue to ignore her messages, but I'd rather she not message me at all unless it is important.
Why, why, why, WHY would you continue to contact a metamour who clearly has no interest in socializing with you?