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  #341  
Old 12-23-2014, 11:58 AM
tenK tenK is offline
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Originally Posted by moot View Post
what can someone who is so open to romantic relationships do to close off against the same? I have the right number of people in my world but I continue to have these silly little sexual urges
I think that it might be premature to worry about this at this stage. In my (arguably somewhat limited) experience, it's not inevitable that you will start to develop romantic feelings with someone you connect with sexually and on a friendship level. Even if you are the type (as I am) who does get emotionally closer to others via sex, because you probably won't be looking for someone with the same qualities as what you typically look for in a more romantic/committed partnership, it can have a very different feel about it. Hard to explain until you've been there, but I don't feel like I have to consciously close myself off to a more serious relationship - the friends-with-benefits type relationships that I have explored to date sort of just find their own level.

I'm currently dating a guy that I connect very well sexually and intellectually with; we are definitely friends as well as lovers. But he has a number of personality traits (as I'm sure I do with him!) that mean we would be ill-suited as anything more serious. We make time for each other when we *have* time, and so far it seems very well balanced in terms of not leaving either of us over-stretched with regards to our other partners. In short, if you don't want another serious long-term partner, don't look for someone that ticks all those boxes for you. Be up front about what you want (lots of hot sex, not so much on the commitment/romance aspects) and what you can offer (lots of hot sex, not so much on the commitment/romance aspects) and relax. You sound like you know your own limits and how much space you have in your life for other connections, and I think that puts you in a good frame for moving forwards.

Also, your sexual urges are not silly. They are important to you, and you shouldn't feel weird or awkward about wanting to feel fulfilled in this way.
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  #342  
Old 12-23-2014, 12:50 PM
moot moot is offline
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Originally Posted by tenK View Post
In short, if you don't want another serious long-term partner, don't look for someone that ticks all those boxes for you. Be up front about what you want (lots of hot sex, not so much on the commitment/romance aspects) and what you can offer (lots of hot sex, not so much on the commitment/romance aspects) and relax.
Thank you - this feels like really good and sensible advice! Also exciting ... a chance to look outside of my usual 'typical partner' type

Quote:
Also, your sexual urges are not silly. They are important to you, and you shouldn't feel weird or awkward about wanting to feel fulfilled in this way.
Yeah - thanks for that too .. I often put the needs of others before my own. Perhaps I need to stop belittling my own needs and see where that leads for a change
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Mr: husband, vanilla, platonic marriage, together 20yrs
THM (TallHandsomeMan): boyfriend, uberkinky, together 3+ years. Recently separated from his fiancee
GVB (GloriousVanillaBoy): In triad (with M and L) fabulous lover, low strings 'FWB', exploring kink
E: Mr's gf (4+yrs)
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  #343  
Old 12-23-2014, 01:43 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Originally Posted by moot View Post
I would love to find a way to have 'casual sex' .. I'm having two amazing relationships but not getting laid :/

Both of my partners are happy and supportive if I want to find another (for sex or a relationship or whatever it is that I need...)

I don't feel like I want/need/could handle another significant relationship in my life but on the other hand, I'm not sure sex without connection would work for me.

So - 'friends with benefits' ... what's all that about?
Nate only has friends with benefits. He texts with them occasionally (he has several ) , he then goes and screws them at their house. He does this when I'm with san, at work, and at school. When im at home that is our time. He has one fwb that im close to that invite places with us and ahe sometimes comes over with her kid but she's the only one im comfortable having over ti our home.
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  #344  
Old 12-23-2014, 07:54 PM
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RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
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I absolutely adore my FWB, Punk, and it is definitely not a casual relationship. We have a great deal of love between us, it just isn't the romantic kind. For me, however, having sex with a beloved friend isn't much of a stretch, because I'm a touchy feely kind of girl anyway, and tend to hug and cuddle with even my nonsexual close friends.

Also, I make a distinction between FWBs and fuck buddies - Punk and I hang out, watch tv, go to movies or out to dinner, play with his kid, that sort of thing. For me, FWB is better than a fuck buddy because there IS an emotional connection, which I prefer, but it is not as intense as full-on romantic relationship and not as time and energy consuming.

I hope you find what you want and need!
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- Moonlight, single, leans monogamous, girlfriend since 6/2012
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  #345  
Old 12-24-2014, 02:34 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Also, I make a distinction between FWBs and fuck buddies
As do I - for me, FWBs are friends-first, the sex is awesome but if either of us is in a situation where sex is off the table (temporarily or permanently) then the friendship remains.

During certain periods of our relationship VV has been involved with men who are uncomfortable with her having "outside" female relationships that don't involve them. Fine. (Not "great" just "fine" - she's still super hot, I can lust after her without indulging, and she is such an AWESOME person that I want her in my life in whatever capacity that can happen.)

FB's are sexual "partner's-of-convenience" - sexually attractive and available...until they aren't. No hard feelings. One (or more) night stands with no expectation or promise of ongoing repetition. If Me/Dude/MrS (our co-habitating triad) broke up with Lotus then I would no longer fool-around (or pursue anything) with her husband, TT. Not because he is not an awesome person (he is), or doesn't share many interests with me (he does)...but because there is no chemistry between us that either of us can't find elsewhere (less inconvenient).

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Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
I hope you find what you want and need!
Me too!
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (6+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


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The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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