US Poly Laws or, Where are all the poly friendly places?

Bluebird

Well-known member
One of the things I am really working on now is a long term plan, and well, that involves moving. We live in a less expensive part of Maryland currently, but it is still fairly pricey. My husband has a job that will let us live anywhere in the US, as long as he can get fast internet, and my boyfriend is a contractor, so skills are fairly transferable.

I've been looking at cheap cities in the US, and we have a couple of ideas, but they are still fairly nebulous. I can't seem to find any hard and fast information on state laws regarding poly. Anyone have a good site that links to the actual laws?

Maryland is fairly ok, though they frown on even having a ceremony to cement the 2nd relationship, and since I want to do that eventually, that means leaving the state.

So, where should we move? :) It's at least 2 years out, as I want to finish homeschooling my daughter and get her launched from the nest, but I know those 2 years will go fast. So, I'm researching now.
 
NYC lead me to this thread when I posted about state laws once. This is it: Legal Links

How far are you willing to relocate?
 
Well, we would like to stay in the US. :)

Ideally, I want NO snow and no scorching heat. I've lived in both Florida and Texas, and would rather not live there again, though I could be talked into Florida.
 
In my experience, New Mexico has about the lowest cost of living (of any State). Albuquerque temps occasionally hit 100 in the Summer but are usually more reasonable. Albuquerque rarely gets any snow and when it does, it's almost always a dusting that disappears in a few hours. Albuquerque also has a local poly group (with good people, I've mingled with them personally), and Santa Fe has had a very active poly group for a long time.

On Polyamory.com we have a thread that features a growing list of poly-friendly cities: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=265812#post265812

As for anti-poly laws, I'm going to venture a guess that almost (or entirely) every State has them. They're just not usually enforced, which is one reason why we don't often hear about them. But anti-adultery laws, anti-cohabitation laws, and laws forbidding "marriage-like arrangements" between 3+ adults, are very common. I'm thinking New Mexico has them too, but obviously people in that State practice polyamory anyhow.

Canada recently gave polyamory the "okay," but polygamy was struck down. Hence, "marriage-like arrangements" could still be a problem in Canada.

If you hear of any States that aren't saddled with anti-poly laws, I'd be interested in hearing about it. I'd even be interested in hearing of any States that have relatively lenient laws.
 
Well, as far as I understand about Maryland, they don't care unless we have a ceremony, and then if my husband was unhappy, it isn't a criminal thing, just civil. So, a $10 fine. But I do want a ceremony, and I think I remember reading (a year ago) that even if we had one out of state and didn't file paperwork, I would still be in trouble. I was thinking about taking a trip overseas or to the Caribbean - I think that might be less of an issue. Then again, maybe not. We aren't planning anything now, so it isn't something I've had to worry about yet.

But, yeah, I want to do my research, contact a lawyer, visit places before relocating.

I think the southwest would be too hot. We have briefly talked about Augusta, GA and a couple of places in TN. I like water and I like mountains. I like temps in the 75s and 80s. I want a house - so no townhomes or apartments downtown in the city. But I like being near a city. Heh
 
Too bad it doesn't make it to W! ;)

The weather is nice in the Pacific Northwest (and still little to no snow in the Winter) but the cost of living is rather high. :(
 
Too bad it doesn't make it to W! ;)

The weather is nice in the Pacific Northwest (and still little to no snow in the Winter) but the cost of living is rather high. :(

I was going to suggest anywhere from Portland, OR up to Seattle.
 
Yeah I think that whole region is very poly friendly. Like, world-renowned poly-friendly, y'know?
 
I don't know about its poly-friendliness, but Asheville, NC is a cool city - and weather-wise, it's probably just what you would like. Georgia gets really hot and humid! Lots of New Yorkers relocate to Asheville, so it has become even more cosmopolitan, but it's in the mountains with beautiful scenery.
 
Yeah I think that whole region is very poly friendly. Like, world-renowned poly-friendly, y'know?

If you're on the coast. Not so much inland.
 
I'm looking closely at Alamogordo, NM today.
 
Can't recall whether I've been to Alamogordo, probably not. It's a ways south but it's at a reasonably high elevation (4336 ft) which should help moderate Summer temps. On average, Summer highs will be just shy of 95°. In mid-Winter temps will usually dip down just below 30°.

There's a few points of interest in southern New Mexico, e.g. Roswell and Carlsbad Caverns. New Mexico in general has a relatively good economy and is not too expensive. No idea what its "poly laws" are. I'll bet a few polyamorists live in Alamogordo, but as far as I know there's no active poly group there. I knew a couple of people that would drive up to Albuquerque from southern New Mexico just so they could attend the poly events.

It looks like there's mountains nearby so that's a plus (though Santa Fe and Albuquerque can say that too). Overall it's probably a pleasant enough place to live. If it lives up to its motto ("the friendliest place on Earth") then you'll like it for sure. :)
 
One thing to consider is how likely a state is to persecute people who have more than one ceremony under these laws. I would think that more conservative states are more likely to go after people who are not the 'norm' than more liberal places. However, this is an assumption on my part and I wonder if there is a way to find out how laws are enforced or not. For example, I would be very surprised if Maryland had prosecuted anyone for having a ceremony with more than one person, even though that is against the law. But again, no actual facts - just my impression.

Yes, Maryland is more expensive than many places. It's a relatively wealthy state overall. I've been shocked going to other states and seeing how poorly public goods are maintained. Roads are shit, parks are in horrible conditions, schools are terrible. That lower cost of living comes out one way or another. That said, it can be difficult to live in Maryland on a working or middle income. Unfortunately, that is true across much of the country now.
 
Right - we have definitely talked about that. And honestly, it certainly isn't an issue at the moment. I also wonder how likely it is to be prosecuted if you have a ceremony out of the country? Still, I don't like living with uncertainty. It makes me uncomfortable.

We are doing fine right now financially, well, somewhat ok. We can take vacations and I can afford to not work for a wage to homeschool my daughter. That sacrifice we have chosen - it makes us poorer, but it is important to us. But when she's graduated and grown, why not move someplace new and different? If it sucks we can always move someplace else. :) right now we choose to live in a more expensive house, but I like the idea of downsizing and maybe having a place with a pool again. We rent at the moment, so we can be fluid and move easily when we choose.

That said, Maryland has absolutely been my favorite place to live so far.
 
Certain States in and near Utah will have a higher chance of enforcing anti-poly laws in the name of attempting to eradicate polygamy.

Having a commitment ceremony is likely to put you at odds with the law in almost any State (says the legal cynic again), unless you have the ceremony privately (no witnesses) and don't advertise the fact that you had it. My V had one, so, oops I just advertised it.

The thing to remember is that anti-poly laws are almost always way outdated, and seldom taken seriously by law enforcement. You have to do something else to tick off the authorities, and then maybe they'll use polyamory as an excuse to come after you. But even that would be a rare and extreme occurrence.

There's so many antiquated laws that need to be repealed. (One of the craziest I can think of right off hand is some State where cars are required to suspend a lantern 20 feet in front of the car at night. Obviously that one's not gonna be enforced.) But, politicians get brownie points for passing new laws, not for repealing old laws, so the pile of total laws just gets bigger and bigger.

The U.S. is working on making gay marriage legal; when that battle's done hopefully they'll turn their attention to polyamory. We'll see.
 
Oh, forgot to mention. Anti-poly laws are likely to raise their heads in any child custody court battle. "Bad environment for the kids" and all that. But a vindictive ex could cry "bad environment" no matter what the actual laws were, and the judge might favor the ex. Sad but a real problem that polyamorists have to deal with.
 
My kids are almost 25, 23 and 16. Not particularly worried about custody. :D
 
There's so many antiquated laws that need to be repealed. (One of the craziest I can think of right off hand is some State where cars are required to suspend a lantern 20 feet in front of the car at night. Obviously that one's not gonna be enforced.)

OK, that would actually be funny to see, especially if you could get a bunch of people to go along with it.
 
Uh yeah, that would be quite a sight. :rolleyes:

Bluebird, you're all set in the kids department. I was going to mention child protective services too as I've heard mixed reviews about whether they'll yank your kids over polyamory. Most reviews say they won't unless you're also a hoarder or something.

I will say that I'm glad I live in Washington State rather than Utah.
 
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