Waiting for the other shoe to drop

I take it you and Mal have been involved with each other for about three months? If so, I would suggest that a new relationship seldom reaches a point of stable security in that short of a time. In fact three years would be a more likely time frame for that. In the meantime, there can be a lot of upset and drama, and even the specter of a breakup. I mean, I know that's how it was for me and my V. After we got through our third year together and managed to not break up for that long, then things started to calm down.

I don't mean to alarm you by saying that; I just mean that it's no great failure (on anyone's part really) if a relationship shatters so soon after its inception. If a relationship's going to shatter, it's most likely to shatter during those earliest months.

Hang in there.
 
Thanks Kevin, it helps a lot.

Djinn and I were teenagers together, all those years ago, and have been through so much worse than this. But we were in the same city seeing each other every day when it happened. This was our first big 'spin out of control' as adults and it felt a lot scarier (because of the more mature awareness of risk, in part).

I'd also forgotten how much our 'inner voices' use the same horrible words. But we really need to remember, and remind Mal, that when one of us goes over the cliff sometimes we're taking the other one with us. And because of all the shared history we can't always stop it. Even though we are so much better at it than we were as teens!
 
Hang in there.

Best advice, EVER.

Mal is packing right now for his first visit to my house in years, and his first visit since we've been in a relationship. He comes tomorrow night. Djinn is happy he is coming, and happy that they are going to start counselling when he gets back home next week.

Everything isn't perfect. Djinn and Aladdin 'broke up', but still have to see each other and work together daily when he gets back (in the new year), and she is stressed and worried about that.

She also says she was using her relationship with him as an escape so she didn't have to think about Mal and I as much ... which is odd because I thought that she pushed Mal and I together so she could have Mal's blessing to be with Aladdin in the first place... all very confusing. And I have no idea where that all stands, except she begged me Sunday night not to break up with 'them' when I told her I was struggling (with my anxiety) to not say anything I couldn't take back. My anxiety was tellng me that I was hurting her, and him, and me, and Billie and maybe even the Kids by 'pretending' that this could work. Thankfully Djinn hears my mind weasels and knows they don't tell the truth, so without me even having to voice my fear she knew what it was. And even more thankfully she was in a place to reassure me.

So, we made it through our first big scary episode more or less intact. I still feel a bit bruised (mentally and emotionally), but here we are. And tomorrow Mal will literally be here, and we will see how we exist together in *my* space instead of always in theirs or away. Exciting!
 
Good for you, A2. Two shoes down ... none to go, right? [hope hope hope hope hope hope]
 
Good for you, A2. Two shoes down ... none to go, right? [hope hope hope hope hope hope]

I think this is a good hope. I didn't cancel Djinn's and my travel plans for next month, and after everything it looks like we are going to follow though on them. And Mal just left from his visit... that wasn't great, but oddly is all the better for that.

All of our visits in the past have had some kind of 'unreal' or 'fantasy' aspect to them. Great hotel rooms, or crazy experiences, or whatever. This was a 'stay home with your sick partner' weekend... because I was brutally ill. It was really hard for me to be that vulnerable in front of him, and he was wonderful about it.

This feels more real now... somehow. The NRE took a break or maybe wore off entirely, and it feels more like something I can count on (through the ups and the downs).

Thank you again Kevin. You really are a voice of patience and reason on this board (and I suspect in life). I appreciate it.
 
No problem A2, I am glad to help.

Sounds like things have hit their low point and are on their way back up. [hope hope hope]
 
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