I should add that writing things out often helps. I find that when I "wander off to my dark places," that writing about it starts the analyzing process and the reasoning process. You have to be able to look at something and say, "Now what do I think this is." So, for example by doing this thread, you are actually adding therapeutic value to the TEA exercises, and other forms of rationality.
It really is about getting yourself centered around what you really can control. Your "circle of concern" is all the stuff you'd like to change. Your "circle of influence" is all the stuff you actually can change. The place where those two circles intersect is where you want the main part of your focus to be. And it might be a very small intersection, but if you work on that stuff first, you often find that your circle of influence can grow.
Like with M ... M is another person who makes her own decisions and thus is in your circle of concern (the obsession part), but not within your circle of influence (only she can make her own decisions). However, you can make decisions about you (learning to accept yourself, learning/remembering how to enjoy solo activities, analyzing where your psychology seems to go astray, etc.), so that's a point where the circles intersect, and if you do focus on working on you (figuring out how to handle things better, etc.), it may actually influence M to feel safer around you, and thus your circle of influence has grown a little, precisely by not obsessing over the things (e.g. M) you couldn't control.
And the best thing is, we now know there's more than one person that benefits from the writing, venting, and analysis in this thread. So I just want to encourage you to keep posting and working on stuff.
Glad to hear M is still in the picture ... even if it's just for the time being. Why lose out on the joy of what you have in the present, just because things may be different in the future? The truth is, one can imagine all kinds of things about the future, but there's no telling how the future will really be. Some things might be lost, other things might be gained. And who knows which things will be which.
To whatever extent you can, be happy for what you have in the here and now, and focus on your circle of influence (and writing things out is always a part of that circle).
Regards,
Kevin T.
It really is about getting yourself centered around what you really can control. Your "circle of concern" is all the stuff you'd like to change. Your "circle of influence" is all the stuff you actually can change. The place where those two circles intersect is where you want the main part of your focus to be. And it might be a very small intersection, but if you work on that stuff first, you often find that your circle of influence can grow.
Like with M ... M is another person who makes her own decisions and thus is in your circle of concern (the obsession part), but not within your circle of influence (only she can make her own decisions). However, you can make decisions about you (learning to accept yourself, learning/remembering how to enjoy solo activities, analyzing where your psychology seems to go astray, etc.), so that's a point where the circles intersect, and if you do focus on working on you (figuring out how to handle things better, etc.), it may actually influence M to feel safer around you, and thus your circle of influence has grown a little, precisely by not obsessing over the things (e.g. M) you couldn't control.
And the best thing is, we now know there's more than one person that benefits from the writing, venting, and analysis in this thread. So I just want to encourage you to keep posting and working on stuff.
Glad to hear M is still in the picture ... even if it's just for the time being. Why lose out on the joy of what you have in the present, just because things may be different in the future? The truth is, one can imagine all kinds of things about the future, but there's no telling how the future will really be. Some things might be lost, other things might be gained. And who knows which things will be which.
To whatever extent you can, be happy for what you have in the here and now, and focus on your circle of influence (and writing things out is always a part of that circle).
Regards,
Kevin T.