...There's one question on OKC that I always check as a potential red flag before deciding if I want to get to know someone. It's about conversation styles whether on is listening or waiting to speak when not talking. Surprisingly many have answered that they are waiting to talk. I wonder what they ever get from a conversation with anyone. It's like they are talking to themselves.
I was actually "radically honest" (tm) when I answered my OKC questions....so I did answer that I am often "waiting to talk".
Many people want to give a lecture, rather than have an exchange of ideas...they want to present a whole BLOCK of their perspective without allowing for any feedback. If you say something in the first few sentences that I disagree with or requires clarification for me to understand the rest of what you are saying - I'm going to be impatiently waiting until you "pause" (so I am not considered "rude" for interrupting) so I can ask you to clarify your premise or the next 57 things that you said I have no context for.
With the people that I am close to, and want to have meaningful ongoing conversations with, we develop a "short-hand" way of saying "I want to listen to what you are saying but I have a response to this thing that you have already said".
For instance, with Angel, my best friend, I say "Pause...remind me '
x'" "
x" will be a word that will remind me of what I wanted to say...when she is done making her immediate point. She will say "OK...'
x' ...but then '
y" - "Y" being a reminder word for the next point that she intended to make. Once I've let her know that I have a thought based on what she has already said (and trusting that she will remember to ask for that thought) I am free to
really listen to what she is saying now.
With Lotus - when I find that I have too many responses that I am trying to remember that I can't really focus on what she is saying, I say "Wait...can I give you feedback on what I have already heard." I then take a mental note as to the point where I interrupted so, after I have made my comments, I can say..."you had just told me about '
z'."
YMMV...but if people are "waiting to talk" it may be because they are self-centered assholes that don't care what you have to say and just want to pontificate OR it may be that they are intelligent / rational human beings who want to
participate in a conversation rather than listen to a novel.
JaneQ