Fucked up, coming clean

How about BE in right relationship with each other?

Respect that your need to tell and unload may not match her need to HEAR. This is a lot about YOU and the past. Not about her, or future.

"I really never want to lie to you ever again and I really don't want there to ever be any secrets between us; I made a chronicle of our relationship so far with the things i kept from you, the bigger and the smaller, what was going through my mind when it happened, what i was feeling, when I started to understand what a poly relationship should be like, and everything i couldn't/didn't say because I was just way too nervous last week to even think about; if you stand by your word that you don't want this conversation any more and you feel like forgiving me, I'll take your word for it and leave everything that happened before behind us; if you want to know all the details, we can talk... I am aware this might make it worse but i want you to know everything about me, and I want us to have the right relationship, without anything between us"...


There's good stuff there, but I would trim down. It gets a little bit anxiety witter to me there. If you don't want to ever lie to her again -- well, just don't. "I won't lie again, I will do this instead...." sounds better to me than "I don't want to lie." Be more assertive and own it. OFFER changed behavior.

I would edit it to something more like this -- talk less about your feelings. Focus on HER and the future.

"Thank you for your forgiveness. I am grateful and humbled.

In future, I would like us to BE in right relationship with each other. Have better communication, more honesty, speak up and ask for clarification, do better conflict resolution. Not repeat this mistake.

If you want to know more details, I could let you read my journal. If you just want to leave it in the past and move forward, I can respect that too.

I would like to know what you want at this point in time. Is there anything I can do for you by way of making amends? Help build a better future relationship? "​

I do not think it is realistic to want "never anything between us." I think it is more realistic to say "I want to handle future misunderstandings in a better way than that" because things happen. If it were me I would like to know you plan to talk to me and clear it up, rather than act out from fear again and end up breaking agreements.

Galagirl
 
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