fuchka
Active member
Working it out
A couple of days ago, Grotto helped me out when I was really stuck with something. I felt bad asking him, considering we're mostly not talking at the moment. I'm lucky for his kindness, despite everything. Ah, I'm looking forward to the air clearing a bit more. It will in time, I think. I sometimes feel quite circumspect. Anyway, I've learnt a lot. Looking forward to writing more about that on here, eventually.
News in my world is: I recently hit upon the answer to something that has been puzzling me for years. That is, how to talk with my parents about relationships in my life.
Due to cultural and religious differences, I have no hope of them understanding, let alone being supportive... But I did want to start a conversation with them anyway, especially as there may be people in my future family that I'd want to be upfront about. So far I haven't hidden anything from them, but I haven't been particularly forthcoming either.
The main problem was how to balance being clear, but also letting them take the lead in terms of how much information they'd want to know. In some sense I think they would be more comfortable with a polite fiction. I've been questioning my own motives, too, i.e. what I hope to achieve by this. Am I doing this for me? For them? I guess I'm doing it for our relationship (as in, my relationship with my parents).
I've thought through various ways and means of putting it, but something clicked yesterday that I really like! I'm going to work on the wording of this a bit more, then write it by hand, and then read it out to both of my parents at the same time, then give them the letter.
So much for method, now for the content. Here's what I've got so far. They know about Ocean as he & I are married / in a civil union and they have accepted him into our family. They had met Grotto a few times over the period he and I were together, but just as a close friend. They haven't met Lobe or anyone else I've been romantically intimate with, but they do have a fair amount of awareness about the kinds of friends and friendships I keep.
I go on to mention a few other unrelated things that make sense in the context, and end the letter.
I like how it's sounding. I will sit on it a bit and probably tweak some more before writing it out. Maybe get feedback from others in my family or friends, too.
It feels good to have a solid plan. Earlier this year, I decided that I want to tell them before the end of the year. I wasn't sure how I'd do it, but I knew that I finally wanted to and so I made a pledge to myself. Now for the plunge...
A couple of days ago, Grotto helped me out when I was really stuck with something. I felt bad asking him, considering we're mostly not talking at the moment. I'm lucky for his kindness, despite everything. Ah, I'm looking forward to the air clearing a bit more. It will in time, I think. I sometimes feel quite circumspect. Anyway, I've learnt a lot. Looking forward to writing more about that on here, eventually.
News in my world is: I recently hit upon the answer to something that has been puzzling me for years. That is, how to talk with my parents about relationships in my life.
Due to cultural and religious differences, I have no hope of them understanding, let alone being supportive... But I did want to start a conversation with them anyway, especially as there may be people in my future family that I'd want to be upfront about. So far I haven't hidden anything from them, but I haven't been particularly forthcoming either.
The main problem was how to balance being clear, but also letting them take the lead in terms of how much information they'd want to know. In some sense I think they would be more comfortable with a polite fiction. I've been questioning my own motives, too, i.e. what I hope to achieve by this. Am I doing this for me? For them? I guess I'm doing it for our relationship (as in, my relationship with my parents).
I've thought through various ways and means of putting it, but something clicked yesterday that I really like! I'm going to work on the wording of this a bit more, then write it by hand, and then read it out to both of my parents at the same time, then give them the letter.
So much for method, now for the content. Here's what I've got so far. They know about Ocean as he & I are married / in a civil union and they have accepted him into our family. They had met Grotto a few times over the period he and I were together, but just as a close friend. They haven't met Lobe or anyone else I've been romantically intimate with, but they do have a fair amount of awareness about the kinds of friends and friendships I keep.
Dear [parents],
This shouldn't be a surprise to you because you know me and know what I'm like, and you probably realise that I have in some ways unconventional ways of relating to friends.
[Ocean] and I obviously have a great relationship. I also like to have adventures by myself as well as with other friends who I'm close to. I don't keep anything secret from [Ocean] and he is comfortable with how I relate to other people. One thing that may be hard to understand is this could even involve me falling in love with other people as well as [Ocean], and sharing life with them in various ways that do not diminish the relationship I have with [Ocean].
I want to be open with you so I just wanted to let you know that there may be people in my life as well as [Ocean] who I consider family. If you have any questions about the nature of my relationship with anyone else I am happy to answer your questions, and I will never lie to you.
I go on to mention a few other unrelated things that make sense in the context, and end the letter.
I like how it's sounding. I will sit on it a bit and probably tweak some more before writing it out. Maybe get feedback from others in my family or friends, too.
It feels good to have a solid plan. Earlier this year, I decided that I want to tell them before the end of the year. I wasn't sure how I'd do it, but I knew that I finally wanted to and so I made a pledge to myself. Now for the plunge...