breathemusic
Active member
My Back Story, Part 1:
I did the whole dating thing backwards from most people. Instead of having lots of not serious “high school” relationships and eventually graduating into adult relationships, my first relationship started when I was 14 (he was 17) and lasted 3.5 years. I broke up with him because, well, people change as they grow up and I wanted something different, and we were going in different directions and I was starting to crush on a friend, which made me question whether I should really still be in a relationship with my current b/f. So right after that relationship, I started dating the guy I had started to fall for (who I had come to realize had been into me for the last 3 years we’d known each other) and we dated for almost 2 year from the end of my high school through part of my sophomore year. From mid way through my sophomore year of college until 2014, so about 8 years, I was single. Sure, I went on some dates and had some flings, etc. but I never met anyone I was really interested in nor did I really have anyone express all that much interest in me. Of course, it’s worth mentioning that I gained a bunch of weight in high school and then a bunch more in college. I was always overweight but by the time my last relationship ended it wasn’t pretty. So being single for those 8 years I didn’t exactly have much self confidence.
Well… not as far as appearances go. Let’s be honest, I’ve always been pretty confident in all other respects. I generally don’t gloat, but screw it, this is my blog. I had perfect grades in high school so I got into a great college, I now have an awesome job, awesome friends, people trust me, confide in me, and recognize that I’m honest, loyal, and care about people who show me they’re worth it (aka, not douche bags). OK, end rant about how awesome I am, but my point is that I wasn’t all down and out about my life or really anything else. I just didn’t think I was attractive so I didn’t really expect others to find me attractive. And not that I thought I was hideous, but I’m a realist, and logical. I recognize that conventionally people find thinner women more attractive, even if they’re curvy. A much smaller group of people find the morbidly obese attractive. So basically, after graduating college and moving to a new, but still not that far away city to start the job I got out of college (still my current job but with some upward movement), I basically just focused on making new friends, furthering my career, etc. Not so much on dating.
Feb of last year I got weight loss surgery and besides just being healthier, it was a serious life change in terms of confidence in my appearance. I’m no size 4, but damned if I don’t think I’m sexy now. Haha. Lo and behold, guys started noticing me for once, so I decided I should put myself out there and try to date. Since I’m an introvert, and also not really a partier/bar hopper, I created profiles on a few dating sites and figured I’d go from there. Hey, one of my BFFs from work met her now husband on match.com so I figured online dating wasn't all just dudes looking for booty calls.
Of course, I owe a thanks to my very first b/f for introducing me to Dan Savage’s advice column “Savage Love.” Reading that for years kept me open-minded and very non-judgmental when it comes to relationship styles and kinks and such as long as everyone is consenting. So while I’d only ever had monogamous relationships, as a single and now feeling confident and ready to mingle lady, I was happy to get out there and just date a ton of guys! Not that I was just sleeping with a bunch of random dudes, but I wasn't going to only date one guy at a time until we got to a point where we wanted to sleep with each other or had a discussion about commitment. So my new social life of dating began!
.........
I did the whole dating thing backwards from most people. Instead of having lots of not serious “high school” relationships and eventually graduating into adult relationships, my first relationship started when I was 14 (he was 17) and lasted 3.5 years. I broke up with him because, well, people change as they grow up and I wanted something different, and we were going in different directions and I was starting to crush on a friend, which made me question whether I should really still be in a relationship with my current b/f. So right after that relationship, I started dating the guy I had started to fall for (who I had come to realize had been into me for the last 3 years we’d known each other) and we dated for almost 2 year from the end of my high school through part of my sophomore year. From mid way through my sophomore year of college until 2014, so about 8 years, I was single. Sure, I went on some dates and had some flings, etc. but I never met anyone I was really interested in nor did I really have anyone express all that much interest in me. Of course, it’s worth mentioning that I gained a bunch of weight in high school and then a bunch more in college. I was always overweight but by the time my last relationship ended it wasn’t pretty. So being single for those 8 years I didn’t exactly have much self confidence.
Well… not as far as appearances go. Let’s be honest, I’ve always been pretty confident in all other respects. I generally don’t gloat, but screw it, this is my blog. I had perfect grades in high school so I got into a great college, I now have an awesome job, awesome friends, people trust me, confide in me, and recognize that I’m honest, loyal, and care about people who show me they’re worth it (aka, not douche bags). OK, end rant about how awesome I am, but my point is that I wasn’t all down and out about my life or really anything else. I just didn’t think I was attractive so I didn’t really expect others to find me attractive. And not that I thought I was hideous, but I’m a realist, and logical. I recognize that conventionally people find thinner women more attractive, even if they’re curvy. A much smaller group of people find the morbidly obese attractive. So basically, after graduating college and moving to a new, but still not that far away city to start the job I got out of college (still my current job but with some upward movement), I basically just focused on making new friends, furthering my career, etc. Not so much on dating.
Feb of last year I got weight loss surgery and besides just being healthier, it was a serious life change in terms of confidence in my appearance. I’m no size 4, but damned if I don’t think I’m sexy now. Haha. Lo and behold, guys started noticing me for once, so I decided I should put myself out there and try to date. Since I’m an introvert, and also not really a partier/bar hopper, I created profiles on a few dating sites and figured I’d go from there. Hey, one of my BFFs from work met her now husband on match.com so I figured online dating wasn't all just dudes looking for booty calls.
Of course, I owe a thanks to my very first b/f for introducing me to Dan Savage’s advice column “Savage Love.” Reading that for years kept me open-minded and very non-judgmental when it comes to relationship styles and kinks and such as long as everyone is consenting. So while I’d only ever had monogamous relationships, as a single and now feeling confident and ready to mingle lady, I was happy to get out there and just date a ton of guys! Not that I was just sleeping with a bunch of random dudes, but I wasn't going to only date one guy at a time until we got to a point where we wanted to sleep with each other or had a discussion about commitment. So my new social life of dating began!
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