just too much

Ok, FallenAngelina, it is very interesting point.

From this pozition it is kind of hard to defend my interest for him, because he looks a lot like ashole.

I think, you made same point. I will think about it.
 
I was just wondering, how are things going these days with your two triad boyfriends? I always had the impression that you had a really good relationship with them.
 
Yes...it is geat. We are on vocation - three of us and one really nice boy, call him Hermes, who live in another corner of the world, but keeps LDR with all three of us. It is such beautiful, that i just dont really understand myself why i am using my computer at all. I am just a little bit asexual in the times. (maybe just less sexual) It is actually great. I was always the "sexual" one and i started to worry, if I dont put too many request on them. But now i heard: "We havent had sex for a month before you leave!" /Actually we had sex a day before and dont stop cuddling/

But even thoug i was still little bit texted with Jacket. I hate to do it throug messager and not in real, but we said, that our relationship is "romantic" and he used term "agapien relationship" whitch we before talk about like some part of polyamory, so i think he think about it like that... (ok, i try to stop kidding - I thing we are with Jacket fine. Maybe I realized I want him to be my boyfriend...dont know how soon ask him...i shloud stop texting Jacket so much this time and focose on the beautiful three boys around me, I think he also need some time) Most important is that I just feel his love so much. Hope he is ok and when we will meet we will connect to each other again)

I see I wrote in kind of panic and great chaos. And overthinking is really my thing. Thank you for all your critic comments. This forum is great. Maybe you are kind of my parent in polyamory
 
It sounds like things are going pretty well at this time. As for Jacket, I think you will know when it is the right time to let him know you would like him to be your boyfriend. Just take it slow/easy and enjoy what you have.
 
Hi,
i still have to think about that one:

Not only is this tiring, but it's garden variety co-dependent thinking. Contorting ourselves into a shape that fits what someone else wants, usually someone else who is pretty bad at telling us what he wants, is usually a pattern of thought that comes out of a lifetime of having been minimized, dismissed and even punished for attempting to be who we truly are. Sounds like you've learned along the way that it's unsafe to express your wants - to the point that you perhaps don't even know what your own wants are. You're hyper-focused on trying to figure out his wants and his problems, which is a great way to keep your own introspection tamped down.

Why do you think that you're so drawn to someone who is complicated, depressed, not sure you're his type, afraid of intimacy and able to push right through your boundaries? Why him?

I just think there is some fear of rejection and loss of quite a good friend. We already spoked together about it and he feels that fear (of losing me as a friend too). It is not a phrase here. But it is not such a big thing, it could be weird for some time and then good again. Maybe I also have some fear of actually getting what I want. Maybe I am also not so good at communication at this level and I also have some bad experience...But co-dependent thinking and problems with feeling what I want is also definitely a thing...

Why him? I just like chatting with him and working with him. He is somehow slow and relaxed. It is quite different than my two boyfriends. I like some quiet space he can build, I like long dialogues with him, we also work together a little and it is nice. He also fits into "family" or a wider range of friends. All the time with him I tried not to fall for him, but now I kind of fell like I already love him. Sometimes he says something inappropriate, but most of the time he is nice. -he could be described as anxious and with fear from intimate contact, but we are in east Europe, most of the people here are. He is still super brave for me...

So...i will see how are things going on. It is a good suggestion not to go so fast and let him take his time...
 
It's usually always a good idea to take it slow in poly, you have the right idea. He sounds like a good match, eventually.
 
Hallo,
I just cant stop myself from telling you news. So I had platonic friendship with Jacket for a month, but it wasnt possible for longer time. I was flustrated by his rejecting and not accepting me. We kind of split, but I think we will reconnect, when will be good time for him. He was just passive for last weeks. I can have same kind of relationship with him when he really shows some interest in me.

But Blue and also mrs. Flower both contacted me. Mr flower just writes he wants to see me and dont mind me showing some.interest in him. I sont know how thinks with his wige is, but we can just meet and talk, nothing nessesary romantic.

Blue just tries hard to accept his bisexuality and polyamory od his longterm boyfriend. So he has conplicated time. We meet and he was really sweet. I was a bit hurt because he ignored me for some time. Ww just explain it and say we are a little bit more than friends.

So...I am not more happier in our triange that for long time. It is nice. All this "other" guyes are nice but I am not sure if I have really "poly" relationship with them. It differs from one to other. Maybe polyamory makes me more open to different kind of relationships with sifferent levels of intimity. So I dont really have "fully" sexual relationship with any of this guyes even if I feel somethink maybe romantical or deep to all of them...good think is that I sont feel so guilty or rejected like I used to.
 
Hi neopoly, thank you for that update. It is nice that Blue and Mr. Flower got in touch with you, even if that is just friendship, it is nice to have friends. Meanwhile I hope everything is going well with your triad. Keep us updated from time to time!
 
Hi :),
so everything is going well with our triad. It is quite beautiful. Sun dates a new boyfriend for about a month and he is really happy. It is nice. I feel very happy for them both.
I ended the relationship with Jacket. We don't talk to each other anymore. It is quite relieving. I am still in love with Mr. Flower. It has been a little bit more than years since I fall for him. I just don't understand myself at this point so much. But it is a reality. We text sometimes and work together a bit, but nothing special. He wrote, that he wants to meet me like a month ago. Nothing happened like expected. But at least I am not writing him still same silly messages, I keep it rational and also I feel that I keep my dignity. It is nice.

Blue is like some flying fireball. He always appears in my life, hugs me, says something nice, sometimes kiss me and then disappears. I just don't focus on him. And at nobody at all, these times.

It seems that I just give up on building a nice romantic relationship outside the triad. But maybe I just want some time off. But I still have quite lot friend with benefits...not really polyamory...at liest I trie to actually love them and make sure they don't hurt me willfully.
 
It sounds like you are doing the right things. Thanks for updating. Sometimes it is good to take some time off. Sorry you had to break up with Jacket, it's probably for the best. I remember you said you were frustrated by his rejecting and not accepting you.

Glad to hear things are going well in your triad! :)
 
Thak you for answering :)

At the end I just ask Jacket to apologize for some misunderstanding, the way he commented my body, my poetry and he inability to make same clear message about our intimity...(he always says that he dont want anything sexual, but keep talk baout sex, taking me to sexshop...) He was just really angry that I want him to apologize and he was inable to do it. Get really mad and sream at me at public space for like an half of hour, that he donr find me attractiv. We maybe just need some emotional dramatic ending...I am not sure. Dont blame him for anything, try not to blame myself.

I apologized to Mr. Flower for some things and he wrote that I dont have to worry. It was actually nice. And relieving.

I broke up with Hermes, yesterday. It was long LDR, but lately we have some problems. He is still in relationship with Sun and Nic (my two partners). But I just cant stand that he is so autoritative to me. His relationships with boys are more kind and harmonised. I hate so much that he has to be always right. He tends to isolate me from my triad, because he feels good to have same space just for men. It is maybe ok for some time. But we should talk about it openly and dont pretend he love me or something like this. We stayed friends. He is actually my double metamour... (but his relationship with boys is complicated these days, too)

I dont write about my love for women much. Funny thing happened - I fall a little bit in love for two our friends. They both started relationship together at that time. So I stayed close friend with these two women. It is actually nice. That is there my friend from High school, we are friends with benefit for like two years. In last months she tends to want to see me more. But I am actually her first sexual parner (not only now), she is shy and work as doctor, dont have too much time. I just try to find way how to be there for her and dont bother her much...But it is really nice. I love her. It is sometimes hard to stay in contact, but I love the way it is. At this relationship it seem to me that we let it develop organicaly...it took lots of time, but was worth waiting. Maybe we will end like more than just friends, but I just dont want to affect what we have much dramaticaly.
 
Wow, Jacket really went off there, no wonder you ended things with him. It sounds like you are managing your relationships pretty well, thanks for sharing about some of the women in your life as well.
 
Hi :)

I am a bit confused by one thing. I was at one party - It was funny, that Blue and Mr. Flower both were there. I was so nervous, that I couldn't even say hello to Mr. Flower. He was there with his wife. They look perfect together. But it wasn't like "distant perfect" but "nice perfect". Some where deep into me I just want to walk right towards them and become their weekend-unicorn or whatever. But I think that happened between us just make me stay with different people. I didn't manage to say even hello to him (she left him alone for half of the evening). In the morning I just text him, that we probably won't talk for a while (I am not quite able to talk to him on public spaces...and I send him one poem "last" poem for him). I just meant to end it this way...but I am not quite sure if it was a good thing. And surprise - he didn't answer! But I have a really nice time with Blue at the party. His "poly"-boyfriend was jealous about our last time with Blue because we kissed several times. So we don't kiss each other this time, but it was so nice and intimate anyway.

There is one thing I probably really messed up. One week later I just kissed my meta (Raven). He started a relationship with Sun a two months later. They are both really in love and enjoy each other. I always liked Raven and we have really good meta dynamic. But Sun probably doesn't want us to be in love together. It is a little bit tricky situation. When we kissed with Raven, we started to fall in love...but we were both a little bit intoxicated...it was strong but not "serious"...I texted him and want to "stop" it...he wants to talk...so we decided to talk next week. I haven't seen him for a while and it makes my feeling for him a weaker little bit...I hurt Sun by my behavior. But we soon manage to solve it. He says he doesn't want me to have a serious relationship with Raven or to make up before him. It seems fair. I just don't really want some kind of "tertiary" relationship or Friends with benefits... I am kind of tired of this things. I really love Blue and I am glad for what we have. But it also hurt a little bit, that we aren't actually dating. The same situation is with my girlfriend Annie...so I guess I would beg Raven for staying just friends. I just love Sun so much for solving this tricky situation, he was really good. And we have a nice relationship these times.
 
Sounds like you worked things out with Sun. Sorry to hear that your relationship with Raven had to be limited to just a friendship. That sounds awkward. As for the party (Blue and Mr. Flower), I think you did the right thing.
 
"Sorry to hear that your relationship with Raven had to be limited to just a friendship. That sounds awkward."

Yes, it is a bit. We talk with Raven and found out we really want to stay in contact. We agreed to take things really slow (because of Sun) and consultate our relationship with Sun, if it grow strong. But we havent met again. When we were with Raven together, i felt in love...but i try to stop it little bit because of Sun.

In our triad thing are great. We love each other really much. I feel like we opened our triad. Every of us had some experience or nice relationship outside triad and it makes us love each other even more. We hug and kiss so much...it is nice.

Thinks with Blue and Mr. Flower are complicated. Blue admitted for first time, that he acctualy wanted to get involved with me. He said that he initiated our last "kissing time" to Sun, when he visited us. But Blue has a really difficult time with his boyfriend...he is unstable and breaks with Blue all the time. Blue is in pain and cannot spend much time with me because of jealousy. i just want to be good friend for him these times. Good thing is I have no NRE with him and feel no tension or strong desire... I just really like him and type of our relationship doesnt matter to me so much. i am just sad because he is sad...

Ok, i have some financial problem with journal Mr. Flower is chief of...so I texted him. He answered later. It was all quite ok, but it let me devastated inside. don't know why...i texted him again...I was a little bit rude...i wrote that my feeling to him come back again and again because he never said no. He claims he has nothing against me...than we said we could just "normally talk" onetime...he admitted that he could speak with me sooner...than I texted him once again...and he wrote that meeting me is not his priority because i call him that he is stupid...i just apolized and write that i honored him more than most of people...but feel so fucking bad about this whole conversation...i have feeling like he is scared of my feeling for him. He wrote: "But you have two cool boys home" I tried to explain I love them and it doest keep me from fall in love with someone else...he writes that he understand, but maybe just not...i should maybe text with him at all, but i it all come back to me all the time...
 
It sounds kind of uncertain where you and Mr. Flower stand with each other. Like maybe you want to text each other and stuff, but you just are not certain, like he doesn't understand when you have two guys at home and you try to explain to him that you can still fall in love.

With Blue, it sounds like the main sticking point is his boyfriend who has jealous feelings and often breaks up with him. I feel bad for him, but like you said, at least you don't have NRE for him at this time.

It sounds like you and Raven are getting things worked/figured out. And everything is good with your triad (Sun and Nic). I am truly happy for you, you will get things figured out.
 
Mr. Flower thing

It sounds kind of uncertain where you and Mr. Flower stand with each other. Like maybe you want to text each other and stuff, but you just are not certain, like he doesn't understand when you have two guys at home and you try to explain to him that you can still fall in love.

Yes, it is a tricky situation. I am actually really scared by him. It could make my life unstable, it could hurt his wife and it could also hurt my boyfriends. It could mean so much mess. But it is clear that I love the idea as much as I am scared by it.

But this fear is not real. He evidently has a stable marriage and not so much desire to meet me. In our triad, we live together for four years, I love them so much and I don't think, that a falling in love could destroy anything. So I am not so scared by meeting him anymore. We could handle it.

But the problem is, that he probably has to make some step. I wrote him, that I want to meet him so many times! I have a little trust issue - even if he writes, that he wants to meet me, I am not sure. He could be also scared or just bored and exhausted. There will be a bit of truth in everything.
 
Well, I think you could just take it a little bit at a time with him. And right now it sounds like the ball is in his court, you already wrote him, and are waiting for him to write you back. Try not to stress out about it, if he writes he writes, if he doesn't write, that's okay too. It's actually less risky if he doesn't write, right?

As far as I can tell, you are doing the right things.
 
Hi, thank you.

Maybe I should probably rather write this in "blog section" because it is so long and not focused on one issue...

So...i still feel melancholy or pain because of Mr. Flower. We haven't text for a while and I miss him. At the same time I know, that it is not such a good idea to write him. There are so many feelings around him. I fell anger that he didn't manage to meet me for a whole year even thou he knows that I have a complicated relationship with him and want to talk with him. At the same time, I am angry at myself for blaming him for many different and chaotic things. I try to transform this anger just to some sadness or nostalgia.

Blues boyfriend broke up with him definitely (probably). Blue seemed relieved, but also deeply sad. We cuddle a little and then messaged about how he felt about it. I was maybe too "passionate". It was a strange situation, on one hand, he wrote that he needed body contact and the other hand he wasn't clear if he wants all of it. But he never said anything against. So we wrote that he should speak more and I should be less dominant. It just messes all of it. He was just really sad and I probably shouldn't touch him at all or just less. I just hate this kind of conversations with him, but the solution is probably to talk more not less. But it is always better to talk right at the moment.

And Raven...the more I try to not get really involved with this guy, he is just falling for me. I am little worried. Sun said that he feels no compersion but he respects our relationship. But we with Raven never meet alone, only at parties also with Sun. We don't talk much. I want to get more psychical intimacy not just the physical. But I also feel that Sun needs Raven to be just his boyfriend...quite difficult situation. But he just cuddles and kisses so not so much "damage" done.

And one new thing - I already wrote about this guy and call him swinger (Mr Green). But actually, he is really nice. He thought that I don't like him, but I was just little bit shy and distant. And now we had a really good time. He is just a lot older and married, live in an open relationship for a long time and his wife wanted to transition into polyamory. He was a little bit against it, but I think he may be just don't get the whole concept. He was always a friend of his lovers. In the morning after I messaged with his wife and it was ok, she actually wrote, that he was happy in the morning and that she didn't mind it at all. Relieving.

Ok, all these things happened on one Halloween party. Me, my boyfriends, Blue, Raven, Mr Green (ok, also other a few people). (only Mr.Flower don't talk to us) Good thing is they all love each other. It was quite a lot. We all have a good time. But actually, I kind of miss dating someone a bit, all this happened "on parties". But I can not have everything at the same time...
 
It sounds like you would like more than just parties, you would like to date some of these people. Things sound promising with Mr. Green. However, things sound complicated with Raven, Blue, and Mr. Flower. It sounds like you are getting things figured out little by little. Although Mr. Flower is extra complicated. :(
 
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