Hi, thank you.
Maybe I should probably rather write this in "blog section" because it is so long and not focused on one issue...
So...i still feel melancholy or pain because of Mr. Flower. We haven't text for a while and I miss him. At the same time I know, that it is not such a good idea to write him. There are so many feelings around him. I fell anger that he didn't manage to meet me for a whole year even thou he knows that I have a complicated relationship with him and want to talk with him. At the same time, I am angry at myself for blaming him for many different and chaotic things. I try to transform this anger just to some sadness or nostalgia.
Blues boyfriend broke up with him definitely (probably). Blue seemed relieved, but also deeply sad. We cuddle a little and then messaged about how he felt about it. I was maybe too "passionate". It was a strange situation, on one hand, he wrote that he needed body contact and the other hand he wasn't clear if he wants all of it. But he never said anything against. So we wrote that he should speak more and I should be less dominant. It just messes all of it. He was just really sad and I probably shouldn't touch him at all or just less. I just hate this kind of conversations with him, but the solution is probably to talk more not less. But it is always better to talk right at the moment.
And Raven...the more I try to not get really involved with this guy, he is just falling for me. I am little worried. Sun said that he feels no compersion but he respects our relationship. But we with Raven never meet alone, only at parties also with Sun. We don't talk much. I want to get more psychical intimacy not just the physical. But I also feel that Sun needs Raven to be just his boyfriend...quite difficult situation. But he just cuddles and kisses so not so much "damage" done.
And one new thing - I already wrote about this guy and call him swinger (Mr Green). But actually, he is really nice. He thought that I don't like him, but I was just little bit shy and distant. And now we had a really good time. He is just a lot older and married, live in an open relationship for a long time and his wife wanted to transition into polyamory. He was a little bit against it, but I think he may be just don't get the whole concept. He was always a friend of his lovers. In the morning after I messaged with his wife and it was ok, she actually wrote, that he was happy in the morning and that she didn't mind it at all. Relieving.
Ok, all these things happened on one Halloween party. Me, my boyfriends, Blue, Raven, Mr Green (ok, also other a few people). (only Mr.Flower don't talk to us) Good thing is they all love each other. It was quite a lot. We all have a good time. But actually, I kind of miss dating someone a bit, all this happened "on parties". But I can not have everything at the same time...