I'm relatively new here and have made a few posts since my arrival. So first, I want to thank those who have given their 2 cents. IT HAS BEEN HELPING ME MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
Back story: I have been with my fiance for 9 years. I experimented with women in college (with him via 3somes). About 2 months ago, me and my now girlfriend fell in love. This was my first time having emotional and romantic feelings for another girl, so I was really struggling with coming out to my fiance, let alone anyone else. I talked to my fiance (in general) about going to therapy and he was all for it. I was planning on telling him 1. that I was bi and 2. that things had gotten complicated with me and my friend....
My girlfriend is married. Her husband knows about the extent of our relationship. They had an arrangement since before they were married that she could have sex with only women. However, this was the first time she started a full relationship with another woman. After she told him she loved me, I asked him, from a male's perspective, if I should tell my fiance right then. He told me I shouldn't say anything at all. When I brought up the idea of therapy, he said that my fiance might take it better that way. So, that was my plan.
However, the day before therapy, my girlfriend and her husband had a huge fight, and her husband contacted my fiance telling him that I was gay and started reading off emails and text messages between me and her. He did this in an effort to have my fiance help him prove that his wife is an unfit mother and doesn't deserve to have their kids. He also went on to contact her family members and friends telling everyone that she is gay. None of her family knew this part of her. Me and her were both devastated. Along with my fiance. Out of all of this, I wanted to be able to tell him the best way I knew how....and that was clearly ruined for me. I was embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed....
As CRAZY as that all is, things have calmed down a great bit. Apologies have been given where due and I'm in the process of rebuilding trust with my fiance. Although things aren't as crazy, I feel as though they are still very fresh. So I have tried to be as delicate and considerate of everyone's feelings involved. But this weekend, my girlfriend wants me to come over to her house while she focuses on finishing a class. Her husband will be there. They live in a one bedroom apartment and he will be in the living room while we are in the bedroom (literally steps away). I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable with this. I have forgiven him, yes. But I do not feel ready to forget everything so quickly and be over there to that capacity. I don't know if I'm being overly dramatic or not, but I really wanted some other opinions. I tried to express my concerns to my gf in a considerate way, but she is pissed off that I don't want to come to their house. Saying she's asking me to hang out with her, not her husband. Saying I never go out of my way for her. And a lot of other hurtful things. I'd do anything for her just as I would for my fiance. However, I feel like she's not being reasonable at all.
I need some help Am I overreacting?
Back story: I have been with my fiance for 9 years. I experimented with women in college (with him via 3somes). About 2 months ago, me and my now girlfriend fell in love. This was my first time having emotional and romantic feelings for another girl, so I was really struggling with coming out to my fiance, let alone anyone else. I talked to my fiance (in general) about going to therapy and he was all for it. I was planning on telling him 1. that I was bi and 2. that things had gotten complicated with me and my friend....
My girlfriend is married. Her husband knows about the extent of our relationship. They had an arrangement since before they were married that she could have sex with only women. However, this was the first time she started a full relationship with another woman. After she told him she loved me, I asked him, from a male's perspective, if I should tell my fiance right then. He told me I shouldn't say anything at all. When I brought up the idea of therapy, he said that my fiance might take it better that way. So, that was my plan.
However, the day before therapy, my girlfriend and her husband had a huge fight, and her husband contacted my fiance telling him that I was gay and started reading off emails and text messages between me and her. He did this in an effort to have my fiance help him prove that his wife is an unfit mother and doesn't deserve to have their kids. He also went on to contact her family members and friends telling everyone that she is gay. None of her family knew this part of her. Me and her were both devastated. Along with my fiance. Out of all of this, I wanted to be able to tell him the best way I knew how....and that was clearly ruined for me. I was embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed....
As CRAZY as that all is, things have calmed down a great bit. Apologies have been given where due and I'm in the process of rebuilding trust with my fiance. Although things aren't as crazy, I feel as though they are still very fresh. So I have tried to be as delicate and considerate of everyone's feelings involved. But this weekend, my girlfriend wants me to come over to her house while she focuses on finishing a class. Her husband will be there. They live in a one bedroom apartment and he will be in the living room while we are in the bedroom (literally steps away). I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable with this. I have forgiven him, yes. But I do not feel ready to forget everything so quickly and be over there to that capacity. I don't know if I'm being overly dramatic or not, but I really wanted some other opinions. I tried to express my concerns to my gf in a considerate way, but she is pissed off that I don't want to come to their house. Saying she's asking me to hang out with her, not her husband. Saying I never go out of my way for her. And a lot of other hurtful things. I'd do anything for her just as I would for my fiance. However, I feel like she's not being reasonable at all.
I need some help Am I overreacting?