scarletzinnia
New member
I'm one of two girlfriends that C has, plus a wife. C and I have been together about a year now, and the other girlfriend has been with him about that long too. His marriage is over 20 years old. C's marriage was stable when we both started dating him, but it has deteriorated over the past year, for reasons I don't fully understand. I have strongly supported C trying to work through issues with his wife the entire time and have tried to give him constructive advice and support towards this goal. I don't know the wife face to face, only virtually (her choice), but I respect her and he still loves her and they have kids, so I definitely would like to see them work things out.
The other girlfriend, J, was married when C met her, but her marriage broke up last winter and she is getting divorced. She is unable to find a job in her field, hasn't worked since last summer, and will likely have to move in with her parents this summer, in a faraway state, unless she finds a job.
Two weeks ago C's wife hit a low patch and told him she didn't want to work things out or go to counseling with him, that she just wanted out. C was unhappy about that. Nothing concrete has happened since then, the wife hasn't called a lawyer, sought to move out, anything, that I know of. They have been talking a lot more since and she has indicated she is open to counseling again, which I think is great. I believe she still loves him, but has a lot of buried anger dating back from him having a drinking problem a few years ago. (He's clean now, has been so for two years.)
Apparently J got her hopes up two weeks ago, that C would be available for a primary, live-in relationship with her, that his wife would leave with the kids and make him available for such (and presumably he'd support her financially at least in the short term, since she has no job or money). C told her this week that even if he and his wife do split up, he isn't sure about moving in with her or taking on the parenting of her young child. He told me that they saw each other this weekend and he told her that for the foreseeable future at least, he was planning on staying with his wife and trying to work through their issues. Well, J. told him to give her his key and leave, that it was over. He didn't argue, he left. Not 24 hours later, she was texting him and begging him to come back on any terms, even if they were never primary partners.
I think getting back with J would be a terrible idea and so does his wife and his therapist and anyone who knows about it. Of course, he will make his own decision.
Does anyone have any tips on how to support him through this? I am trying very hard not to be too blunt with him about what I think, but it is SO hard. I know J to be manipulative, unstable, demanding, dishonest, and a host of other bad shit. C told me last night that J actually made him wait on her, that he spent their precious weekly date nights doing her grocery shopping and laundry and who knows what else, not to mention essentially being her chauffeur, she refused to ever drive herself to a date, even if he had to drive hours to take her. (No, he is not a sub.) I was horrified. I also know he loves her, and he's softhearted. I don't want to be overbearing, or to think badly of him if he caves and takes her back for another round of drama.
Also, if anyone has any good links that he could read that might help him see things more clearly, I will pass them on.
The other girlfriend, J, was married when C met her, but her marriage broke up last winter and she is getting divorced. She is unable to find a job in her field, hasn't worked since last summer, and will likely have to move in with her parents this summer, in a faraway state, unless she finds a job.
Two weeks ago C's wife hit a low patch and told him she didn't want to work things out or go to counseling with him, that she just wanted out. C was unhappy about that. Nothing concrete has happened since then, the wife hasn't called a lawyer, sought to move out, anything, that I know of. They have been talking a lot more since and she has indicated she is open to counseling again, which I think is great. I believe she still loves him, but has a lot of buried anger dating back from him having a drinking problem a few years ago. (He's clean now, has been so for two years.)
Apparently J got her hopes up two weeks ago, that C would be available for a primary, live-in relationship with her, that his wife would leave with the kids and make him available for such (and presumably he'd support her financially at least in the short term, since she has no job or money). C told her this week that even if he and his wife do split up, he isn't sure about moving in with her or taking on the parenting of her young child. He told me that they saw each other this weekend and he told her that for the foreseeable future at least, he was planning on staying with his wife and trying to work through their issues. Well, J. told him to give her his key and leave, that it was over. He didn't argue, he left. Not 24 hours later, she was texting him and begging him to come back on any terms, even if they were never primary partners.
I think getting back with J would be a terrible idea and so does his wife and his therapist and anyone who knows about it. Of course, he will make his own decision.
Does anyone have any tips on how to support him through this? I am trying very hard not to be too blunt with him about what I think, but it is SO hard. I know J to be manipulative, unstable, demanding, dishonest, and a host of other bad shit. C told me last night that J actually made him wait on her, that he spent their precious weekly date nights doing her grocery shopping and laundry and who knows what else, not to mention essentially being her chauffeur, she refused to ever drive herself to a date, even if he had to drive hours to take her. (No, he is not a sub.) I was horrified. I also know he loves her, and he's softhearted. I don't want to be overbearing, or to think badly of him if he caves and takes her back for another round of drama.
Also, if anyone has any good links that he could read that might help him see things more clearly, I will pass them on.
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