the unicorn and its hunters

Always listen to your gut. Your instincts know far more than you give them credit for. If you have a feeling that this is a bad idea, then I gold-seal-guarantee that it is. Whatever fantasies or issues your boyfriend has, this whole "move a single mom into your house" idea is NOT the way to resolve them.

You don't want a physical or romantic relationship with her. Make that clear, and get rid of this nonsense about "I'll try it if she wants."

Don't move her into your home until you have "test-driven" that scenario in a very graduated way. Like, tell her to stay put for now, and only have an LDR with your man. Occasional visits before she starts thinking about moving over State lines. When she does move over State lines, have her move into her own place, separate from yours. Continue to have her visit from time to time. Slowly increase the lengths of the visits. Work up to an occasional overnight. Introduce her children to your home gradually. Go two nights in a row, then three nights in a row, etc.

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If you go through with any of this, make "Baby Steps" your motto.

Also, make sure each step has a clear and definitive end point. Stick to the agreements. E.g. first visit is 3 nights, no more. Next visit, 5 nights. A week. Never extend the visits or allow things to go beyond the agreements. If either of them pushes the boundaries, take that as a clear sign that they won't respect them long term and it will be a disaster.

We were in your shoes once.

It sounds like your third is like ours so it will probably work but the danger is that after a while, she will want a primary relationship of her own and not many are going to find a cuckold to marry them.

Get it out of your head that every attempt at a triad is "just like your relationship." The only similarity is the number of people. The people themselves are completely different, the circumstances are completely different, and the very fact that she's here planning ahead instead of this growing naturally makes it completely different again.

Your shoes were completely different. Your wife knew the other woman since high school, they were already good friends, and correct me if I'm wrong, but there were no kids involved when you hooked up, nor did anyone cross state lines. Those are some pretty big wrenches to throw in the cogs.
 
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