Well this week so far has been unexpected, yesterday I went on two dates and did my mid-weekly Skype session with girls. The girls had new hair cuts and looked adorable, I talked about their friends and did interactive loom band projects with shooting star, and read books with rosebud. I could squidgy them both all day every day and give them little pills and go why do you have to get soooo big!!!
I went on a first date with a new interest, Leo which blew Achilles and Daniel out of the water. Because he is totally intellectual, funny and I had such an easy going time. It wasn't electricity spark like Achilles, or matey/friendship like Daniel, it was very sensual yet sophisticated and highly intellectual. I am not ruling Achilles out completely unless he forgets to contact me today. I gave him until Thursday night to actually call me. If he doesn't that's that. A guy who can't be bothered to call isn't that into me, and since I'm primarily a sapiosexual it means fuck buddies are difficult for me. I tend to be super picky on whom I actually take into my bed, even when toying with the idea with other people.
Also last night I took Lily to the movies, we saw the adenine movie, can't remember the full name. We had drinks beforehand and we both decided to stop sexual stuff for now even though we still make out and cuddle. She is really worried I will fall for her and get hurt because she's not sure she's poly..., I read between the lines on this as, I am afraid i will fall for you and get hurt because you are very poly and I'm not sure if I am or not. I meant to clarify this statement at the time but then we had to dash to the movie.
She did tell me what she wants though long term. Lily wants to live with someone and be committed and can't seem to get her head around the idea of having that and being poly, so we spoke about for a bit. I respected her decision and left it open ended for her to rejoin with sexual encounters later with no pressure should she change her mind. I have a strong emotional connection with her, and we make each other laugh so strangely I can do casual with her in a way that would otherwise irk me with men. Not sure what that is about with me, but something to explore later mentally...lol.
Ok so Leo:
Physical description: 5'10", Iranian, British and has previously studied and worked in america. Medium skin, thin with a smart studious look, but with a little bit of flair. He has very long dark hair, past his shoulders, clean shaven, high cheekbones, large brown eyes with those beautiful long dark eyelashes that go on for miles. And glasses. He was very appealing to me and he smelled wonderful!!
We haven't specifically made plans for next week but I expect we'll meet up fairly soon. He is finishing his PhD in statistical science, and doing a thesis on sun Ray particles. But his humour, oh his humour, I think I could have orgasmed on his jokes alone! I adore a man who can make me laugh with wit and silliness and wonderfulness. It was a lovely coffee date and I hold higher hopes than previously because he's already called me of his own volition and asked me if I would consider a relationship with him in the future.
He also earned brownie points for saying he was a feminist and we had a lengthy conversation on the different generational waves of femeninsm and which he liked felt he mostly agreed with. I was greatly impressed.
With anyone else I might have been a little weirded out with his forewordness but we got on so well that I am super excited. What is it with me and fantastic men lately?? Between rocky and I becoming a relationship properly again, Leo and Daren I have met recently I am super thrilled and privledged to meet and know amazing decent guys who are also incredibly beautiful men inside and out.
So since this relative stranger could be as brave as that I felt I needed to be brave too. Rocky asked if he could come over this morning and let himself in, exercising his key rights for the first time ever with out knocking on my door. I told him he could let himself in and come upstairs and cuddle me until I woke up. I didn't wake until a cold nearly naked body slid next into mine, that was a shock lol, but I did warm him up.
After waking up and playing
we talked about my wall and barriers I was feeling emotionally with him. Ie, how I felt when he rejected us as a relationship, and how I heard that as he didn't want me even though I know he wasn't rejecting me, just a relationship. So he said he wanted an open relationship now, and I suggested that to keep it simple for him we wouldn't add in his friends as my friends circle, not to keep it from his friend he can tell them about me if he wants, but that I wasn't too interested in being in their social circles because they are sooo very different from me, and Rocky's friend was one of the primary reasons rocky broke up with me. I know this is sorta red flag stuff if his friends aren't compatible with me, but it's more like I am at really different places than them. They are focusing on marriage and having kids and traditional stuff, and I am focused on career, court (regaining kids) and other things. My life just isn't simple right now and I can't be adding people who we have hardly anything in common. Other examples, they are super into shopping and wealth (which has mostly been inherited) I am into Eco lifestyle and liberal ideals. So....
Rocky's friend is quite opinionated and has known rocky since 12 so they have a long history of a BFF relationship, I don't want to come between that so it's better if I just stay uninvolved period. It's not unlike poly metamour dynamics as rocky values his friends opinion a lot. Basically Rocky needs to stand up to him if we become an out of the closet relationship. For now I live an hour away and do not see them in my daily life so it's a nonissue for me. I imagine it will come up again when rocky moves I his new place which is in the same block of flats that his friend lives in. But this won't be happening for another few months so I have time to address it slowly. I felt proud of myself for tackling the one issue of 'are we a relationship or not?'
That's his issue if he doesn't want to be open about me and I can accept that as long as I feel loved, it's a bit of a grey area with lying, as I know he's let his friends and family know he is dating casually, so it's truth just not all of the truth.
He has still agreed I will meet his sister, and we discussed how coming and going would affect his other areas of life i am not heavily involved in. For example sitting down with his sister in the future and discussing a plan for me having sex over there. I am NOT sneaking in and out like a teenager. Ugh. I made that clear, and if he gives me keys to one place, he might to the new one but it would require discussion with sister, and since it's so new that will have to happen way down the road to get her comfortable with me first. Plus he needs to really feel like it's his place first before giving me a key.There's a lot more to consider with that.
In the meantime, I did discuss my hard limit of sex with other people being my decision. He only requested to meet anyone I become sexual with in the future as a relationship. I am sort of ok with this, I need to figure out why he is requesting this of Leo and none of the other men, and why he never requested this of Lily but does of Leo?? Double standard moment maybe, but I am going to trust that his motives are pure, but I do have to point out no one would want to enter a relationship where they are vetted by someone else. I certainly wouldn't want to.
I am not sure I agree with before, even though again I shot myself in my own foot by blurting it out with out thinking post sex lol. I really need to take more time to think before I speak sometimes. My overriding desire to please Rocky and make him feel secure sometimes means I say stupid things even though he was being totally reasonable. He was saying as long as I am not choosing a jerk and I am staying safe and responsible he was cool with it. But then we had hot sex. The we are connected, we resolved issues, he wants to claim me sex, that was incredibly lovely. Hehe. I have a lot to learn with communication every day. I signed myself up to six sessions of therapy to work on this starting Monday.
After that we went to breakfast at a pub and laughed and talked. We had a really relaxed fun time and we talked about kimchicuddles.com which I had redirected Rocky to a few days before as a sort of visual artsy way to introduce some polyamory ideas and problems in a causal yet funny format. Then he went off and I am up in London in meetings today. At 7 I am going to the poly cocktails, to let off steam, and will possibly see Redford there though we aren't going together. I'd like to be friends with Redford but I am just not attracted to him enough to take it to the next level, the age difference kind of freaks me out, but I am not ruling him out completely just yet. I might be able to do some activities with him at least. And I will be meeting up with his other partner in June which I have more chemistry with.
she's a psychologist long distance so if anything happens it would be way casual.
I am also meeting Lily's main squeeze Joe, so that will be good! I will get to talk to him briefly and see how he is.
So yes life is going great and I am learning all this as I go along. Thank god for all the references, books, blogs, and comics...they help me so much!!